Two New Voicemails

“Jasper,” Jenny said with a long pause, “I just want to tell you that I think this has been really great. I was wondering, that is if it’s OK with my guy, if we couldn’t all get together and maybe do this again next weekend.”
“Well, you know, Frank,” Jasper said with a smile, “I’ve still got a hard-on. What I’d really like to do with your permission is to go into the bedroom and give old Jen a roll in the sack. What do you say?”
“Amigo, that ain’t gonna happen,” Frank said. “And to be honest with you…”
Before he could get another word out, Jasper grabbed Jenny and cocked her head to the side, sticking his tongue out as far as it would go, and licking this entire side of her face in the sleaziest way imaginable.
Frank shot up from his seat and threw his half-full beer against the wall. “Get the fuck out of my house!” he yelled. Jenny sat there terrified and Jasper stood up as well.
“You want to make an issue out of this, partner?” Jasper asked.

The two stared each other down for a moment before Frank turned and made a dead sprint for the bedroom, toward his gun collection, specifically his P-90 Ruger that he kept loaded. He got about two feet away when Jasper reached into his pants pocket and pulled out a small knife. He dove at Frank from behind, landing just behind him. Extending his arm, he slashed Frank’s left Achilles tendon.
Frank screamed out in pain.
“You cocksucker!” he exclaimed. “I’m gonna destroy you! I’m gonna hunt you down and fuck your life up worse than you could imagine, you son of a whore bitch!”
“Don’t bother,” said Jasper, walking over to his suitcase and producing a .357 Magnum. Jenny’s mouth was wide open, frozen in a scream, but unable to get a sound out.
“Tell me why!” Frank demanded.
“I wanna tell you a little story, partner,” Jasper said. “And this here is one with a moral to it. There’s an old nursery rhyme that I really love, and I feel like it’s appropriate for this situation. You know the one about Old Mother Hubbard? We all do, but I ‘m going to tell it anyway. Old Mother Hubbard went to the cupboard to get her poor dog a bone; when she got there the cupboard was bare, and so the poor dog had none. Ever seen Andrew Dice Clay’s standup from years ago? That guy is a riot, isn’t he? Well, he switched it up slightly to say when she bent over, Rover took over, and gave her a bone of his own. I like that a lot. But there’s another version I’ve got. After that one ends, she looks at the dog and asks why he did that. The dog looks at her and says because I get off doing that type of shit and someone is paying me for this!” Jasper was nearly shouting at the top of his lungs by now.
“I hate punks like you, Davis,” Jasper said. “I’m going to assume you’re a complete ignoramus and I’m gonna give you the moral to that rhyme. I lied. This wasn’t just a random house call for kink. I mean yeah, don’t get me wrong, I do get a kick out of that. But I didn’t just stumble upon you guys. You know who Esteban Araya is? My God, what am I saying, of course you don’t you dumb fucking redneck. Let me just say that in addition to owning a chain of Chick-Fil-A restaurants, he also practically runs the mob in this area. And guess what? That little bullshit stunt you pulled in one of his restaurants was a complete act of disrespect. You have to be one of the dumbest people on Earth. You assaulted a friend of one of his street soldiers, and I know you did two years in state for that. The only reason he didn’t order your ass whacked for that was because he wasn’t going to jeopardize exposure for something so fucking petty. And those guards in local lockup you gave so much hell to, just having a good time? I bet you never considered he’s got them on payroll. Hell, one of them is his nephew. The one you punched and got thrown in the hole for. That was the final straw in his book.”
Frank lied there stunned. He was bleeding pretty badly from his leg, and having a rapid pulse wasn’t helping matters at all.

“Oh, and guess what, we’ve REALLY got company coming over now,”

Jasper said laughing hysterically. He walked over to the front door and opened it. There stood Hall and Nash, the very two guards who let him out that very day. Hall, the shorter of the two, had a bicycle chain in his hand, and Nash, who was nearly seven feet tall, had a baseball bat. “Knock-knock faggot!” said Hall, in a fit of laughter.
“So I suppose you guys are getting paid for this too,” said Frank.
“Hell no,” said Nash, “we just want in on this. Free of charge.”

Just then, Jenny leapt up and swung at Hall with a hammer, hitting him square on the back of the head. Nash ran over to restrain her as she yelled. “That wasn’t very nice,” he said. Nash and Hall grabbed Frank off of the floor and pulled him into the kitchen out of her sight. She could hear him being beaten. Jasper walked over to the keyboard and hit the repeating loop for the music he had programmed earlier. He began to dance seductively, swinging his gun around his head like a cowboy lasso, taunting her. She passed out onto the floor.
She had no idea how long she was out for. It could have been minutes, could have been hours. She was feeling so many different emotions at once, the main one being anger. The odd thing was, it wasn’t directed at Jasper, Hall, or Nash; it was directed at Frank. This was a guy who had pissed off the mob and drug her into it. He had done nothing constructive with his life at all, leaving her alone every other month it seemed for a stint in jail. Her parents, before they died, had nearly disowned her because of her insistence to be with him. It was only after their death that she was able to inherit a mansion and all this money. Now this. “To hell with him,” she thought.
She woke to the sound of gunshots going off. Nine shots it sounded like. She sat straight up in stunned silence. Nash and Hall walked to the door carrying a trash bag and promptly exited, not even looking in her direction. Jasper came around the corner, and put the knife in his suitcase and loaded the keyboard back up. He put the gun in his holster and looked over at Jenny. He glanced at his watch.
“It’s nearly 12:30,” he said. “Do you wanna go get a drink down at the bar or something? Swear to God, no tricks.”
She looked at him and stayed silent for a minute. All she could say was, “Yeah. Let’s do it.”

Driving down the road with the top down on his convertible, Jenny’s hair was blowing in the wind. She didn’t feel fear or terror being with him. She had watched this man commit unspeakable and wretched acts right before her very eyes, yet she knew he would not harm her. All she did was stare straight ahead as cars passed by, as the generic instrumental rockabilly music was playing on the car speakers.
Jasper looked down at his cell phone, which said “Two new voice mails.” He flipped it open and called his mailbox. The first one said, “Jasper, this is Esteban. It’s almost 1:00 and if you’re hearing this, I’m assuming the job has been done. Good job. You’ll be receiving the second part of the money in two days behind the Summerset Motel at the intersection of Freedom and 59th. Do not attempt to contact me until then. Be there, you will recognize my associate. Always a pleasure doing work with you Mr. Colombia.” He hit the Save button, then clicked to check the next message.
It was a picture message. It was a picture of a couple in their 20’s, with a message written below it. It read, “Love the pic. What do you say we get together for a threesome tonight. My husband has been begging for a three-way with a brown haired girl for a while, and I think you fit his type. We live at 6918 Madison Avenue. Show up preferably around 2-3 A.M. because we’re both working late. Can’t wait, ttyl”
Jenny had heard the message. It wasn’t on speakerphone but it may as well have been from the woman’s high-pitched voice.

Jasper looked over at her and said, “You know, after the bar, do you have any plans for tonight?”
Jenny looked over at him. She was no longer turned on in an erotic way, she felt aroused beyond belief in the most naughty, thrill-seeking way imaginable. She knew the events of this night had transformed her. All she could do was look at Jasper with a twinkle in her eye and a half grin on her face, and say, "I think I've got plans now, new friend. I think I've got plans now."

The End