True Friendship 5

Karyn didn't say anything; she just pulled the blanket up to her chin and lay on her side not facing me. Great now she's mad. Well she needs to wait and give me my freaking time so I can think. Sorting things out would be good too if only she'd be more understanding oh good, one reason not to get back together. Girlfriend is not understanding towards my feelings. Logical aren't I? So I slept soundly through the night.

During the day in school it was like no other. Karyn stopped talking to me and imagine how difficult it is to have her as a lab partner (in fact a partner in every class we have together) and not be on speaking terms. Don't get me wrong, I'm not looking for forgiveness, I'm just as mad as she is. This silent treatment we've been giving each other had been going on for perhaps over a month. I haven't spoken a single word to Karyn at least not a word that hasn't got anything to do with schoolwork. 

"Atomic bomb was dropped by the Enola Gay on August 6, 1945 on the Japanese city of Hiroshima. The second atomic bomb was dropped by the same B-29 on August 9, 1945 on are you listening Karyn?"

American history was boring enough as it is so why does she have to be so stubborn? For heaven's sake she could at least talk to me so we can get decent grades on this paper. Karyn tapped her pen on her desk and stared at the black board. I sighed and raised my hand for the teacher,
"What is it Laura?"
Mrs. Crane asked.
"Can I have another partner or work on this paper alone? My partner doesn't seem to want to do anything."
Karyn sat up and looked at me in disbelief, I secretly stuck my tongue out at her as Mrs. Crane agreed to let me work alone.

"Karyn you'll have to work alone then. When you decide to start working, maybe Laura will let you work with her again."
I scooted my desk away from Karyn and started writing again President at the time Harry S. Truman yeah. World War II consisted of Karyn took out her book and started to take notes. I completely give up on her! When she has to work with me, she doesn't do anything, and when she doesn't, she starts doing work. What more do I have to do to make her work with me without being her girlfriend? This is the behavior that is giving me my doubts about us ever happening ever again. The Battle of Leyt Gulf was the largest naval engagement in history Karyn continued to work feverishly at her notes. Why is she doing this to me? And what exactly is she doing to me? I wondered about that, forgetting about my paper. It was due tomorrow anyway. Ignorance. Maybe I should just give it another try but then that would mean I'd caved and fallen at her mercy. Intolerant. Have I always been the weaker one the one that always gives in and lets the other win in the past relationship? Un believable. Mind twisting she's playing with my mind. She knows that I'll cave any moment now any moment I can't stand prolonged silence, especially silence between us. I've lasted a month so far what if this month extends to forever? We'll never talk again but wait, isn't she the one who wants us back together? I'm the one who claimed to desire space and time whereas she did the begging. Since when did this all turn around onto me? My thoughts were racing it was like I'd gone completely insane. Talking to myself, arguing to myself, hating myself just look at what Karyn's done to me. 

Decisions, decisions give in to Karyn or stand my ground? Yeah, I was still debating with myself about that. I sat there on my computer, in mid-paragraph of my paper still debating in my head about this situation. "The Kamikaze pilots flew straight into the Allied ships filled with explosives many risked their lives to win this war but lost their lives for nothing." I tried to kill myself but I guess that wouldn't have gained anything only the suffering of others in replacement of the happiness I received from throwing away my life terrible comparing my life with those of the suicide bombers. "Japanese surrendered and the U.S. gained victory along with the Allies in World War II Americans suffering the least casualties though over fifty million people were killed in this bloody war." Too bad I wasn't killed in our bloody war. I saved and printed and headed for my bed guaranteed A+ tomorrow on this paper and yet Karyn hasn't called me yet. Maybe I should call her but wouldn't that mean that I'd be losing? This really isn't supposed to be about a game winning or losing it's about saving our relationship that I wasn't willing to commit to again. Am I ready now? I feel like I'm ready sort of. Wait it out maybe? She wouldn't go and do anything irrational now would she? I hope she'll wait for me.

"Karyn?"
She turned to face me, possibly even with a smug look on her face. I contained myself from throwing a fist into her beautiful face and gave a small sigh.
"I'm sorry."
She smiled then frowned again,
"Okay."

I gawked at her when she turned her back on me and started down the hall. She walked her perfect walk, smiled her perfect smile, and even laughed that perfect laugh only not with me. Seems like she found new friends which reminds me, ever since I met Karyn I've never talked to my old friends ever again. I realized that I completely cut them off I wonder if they're mad at me as well. If Karyn wants to be stubborn and refuse to let things between us get better, well two can play at that game. I easily found my friends where they always hung out during school, and not surprisingly, I found Karyn's little clique joining my old friends. I confidently went up to my friends, making my way there before Karyn's friends arrived, and gave an apologetic 'hi'. Many welcomed me back in and a couple looked at me disgusted. I was fine with that though; it was all about who is more popular now. I don't know how our dispute turned into a ridiculous popularity contest but it just did. Karyn's friends and her came up and greeted my friends, my friends happily said 'hi' and engaged in a wild chat about shopping. Karyn glared at me and I glared back, the two of us stood there in the center of our group of friends and glared. I broke the silence between the two of us,
"I apologized. What more do you want?"
Karyn crossed her arms and tilted her head to one side,
"What are you apologizing for exactly?"
"Everything."
"Care to elaborate on that?"
"Being a jerk, not trusting you, making you wait anything I should add to that?"

Karyn looked as if she were considering something now, her eyes wondering and her foot tapping. All our friends had turned their attention to us now, gathering together and encircling us.
"You don't mean it."
I was taken aback. 
"Yes I do."
"Well what now? You want me back?"
The hell I think it's the other way around.
"Yeah. Admit it, you want me back just as much as I want you."
Some of our friends were gaping at us now; I heard the whispering and the murmuring. "They're lesbians?" "Did you have any idea?" "No." "Disgusting." "I don't think so " "Isn't that wrong?" "Not entirely love is love." Love is love and our love shouldn't be given up upon yet.

"I don't think getting together is a good idea anymore."
"And why not Karyn? Afraid of what our friends would say? Come on you practically came out for the both of us five seconds ago."
"That's not it. I don't think you're ready."
"You were eager to make me ready just a month or two ago."
"I change my mind."
"Don't give up on our love."
"Too late you threw it all away."
"How did I do that? I apologized for all the things that I did wrong now didn't I?"
"Still."
"Still what? You have no point to prove, I'm right and you're wrong and you're just being stubborn for no apparent reason."

"I have reasons. You even told me, you don't think you're ready you're not ready to take a huge risk like this. That's what you said and that's why I'm giving up. There's no use in waiting. You know, that time you quit on me and went for Jenna? Well I refuse to wait for you any longer and I'm ditching you for new friends."
Some of my friends and hers were shocked, some of them were proud of Karyn, the remaining were busy trying to comfort me. The circle opened up and let Karyn out, her friends followed hers and mine stayed with me the homophobic ones, disgusted, left both groups to form their own little clique. I hate popularity and stereotyping. The rest of the day I angrily did everything and when I went home, I threw my anger out at everyone and angrily did my homework and projects. I broke off every project I had to do with Karyn and found other partners, she did too, and I still spoke with her only it was more like arguing. 

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Next day 

The weekend rolled around and my friends called me up to see movies I wasn't surprised once again when I found Karyn and her friends in the theater. Once again our groups met and Karyn and I stood directly in the center, continuing the argument from the day before. 
"You'll never find another girl like me. Your future relationships would never amount to anywhere as good as ours got."
"Why'd we break up then?"
Karyn was still overconfident and fiery,
Jenna why do you think?
"I regret my decision back then."
"Well it's a bit late for that now isn't it?"
"I thought you wanted this. I thought you wanted me to beg for you to be my girl again."

She was silent and I knew I got her then, but she didn't admit defeat, she stormed off. I'll win this. I bumped into her again in the same movie in the same room. I was mad but I had more to say to her, 
"So what exactly are you mad at me about?"
Karyn glared at me then decided to answer, just so I could be satisfied and leave her alone.
"You leaving me for Jenna."
"So where was this anger when I did it instead of two years later."
"I realized the wrong and that my loyalty meant nothing."
"Oh? Is that so? So your loyalty isn't making me beg for you?"
She stood in silence while once again, our friends that found this amusing, watched on.
"That's besides the point."
"Well I'll ask you one thing, where were you when I was near death? Did you ever wonder why I did what I did? Didn't you think I'd regret the Jenna situation? Do you know why I cut myself?"