I Kissed a Girl

The next few months were like a blur to Jodie, she was so happy. Karen was the kindest, most generous lover she had ever had. She was willing to make love any time Jodie wanted. She'd listen to her rants, she'd offer terrific advice, and her opinions were insightful and well-researched. She always wanted to cuddle -- no matter where they were -- and she would nestle up close to her or put her arms around her. Best of all, she'd cook her anything she asked for -- and chide her to "eat like a human, bitch" when she wolfed it down.

She made the sweetest gestures. Once she wrote Jodie a check for one thousand kisses, with a note attached saying, "You can cash it in any time!" At night she would claim that she wanted her space when falling asleep, but often Jodie would wake up to see her holding her hand and lying close -- and the next morning she would completely deny doing it! Jodie could kiss her when she was totally asleep, and she would always kiss her back. Whenever they ate out, she would put one hand on her thigh. In bed, she'd kiss her on, pretty much, every red light.

Jodie's parents were not happy when she came out to them. Her father kept saying she would make some man a wonderful wife some day, like if he kept saying it, it might come true. Her mother just stopped talking to her. Karen tried to talk to them, but Jodie told her to forget it. It wasn't worth it.

Karen took Jodie to a couple of lesbian bars to introduce her to her friends. She wasn't really into the bar scene, but some of her gay friends were. She'd praise Jodie in front of her friends so much that she would start blushing. Karen wasn't possessive, but she was insanely protective. If anyone in the bar -- even her own friends -- ever said anything insulting about Jodie (usually it was a comment along the lines of "she's too femme to be lesbian"), Karen just would not stand for it. Heather and Jodie got along extremely well, and Heather confided in her, "I don't know what you've done to my friend, because she's walking around all the time, smiling to herself like she's a little girl again."

In return, Jodie took Karen to indie and punk band concerts, which even Karen had to admit were loads of fun. "Better than Broadway!" she'd yelled over the music as they danced together.

It was dreamlike. It was exciting. It was music. On karaoke night at the cafe, Jodie found herself singing Dean Martin's "Ain't That a Kick in the Head", The Foundations' "Build Me Up Buttercup", and, of course, Jill Sobule's "I Kissed a Girl". Jay thought she had gone nuts. Karen told her later that Jay had implored her, "If you don't get this insanely lovesick creature out of my cafe NOW, she's going to scare off all my customers!"

One morning when Jodie woke up, Karen had her arms wrapped around her tightly. "I love you, Jo," she said, her voice quivering with emotion.

Jodie touched her face. "I love you, too."

"Don't ever leave me."

"I swear, I won't." Jodie started crying. "I don't deserve you."

"That's a lie." Karen kissed her fiercely. "Don't ever believe that. You hear me?"

"Okay." Jodie had put her head on Karen's chest, contentedly listening to her heartbeat. Karen had moved into her apartment the next day.

******

"Alanis Morissette is a fucking cunt!" Jodie took a long drag of her cigarette.

It was after dinner. Karen was washing the dishes in the kitchen, and Jodie was drying them off. "Well, I'm sorry, but I think she's good!" said Karen.

"No, that's not what you said. You said you think she's feminist. And I am trying to tell you that, most assuredly, she is not."

"How is she different from any of those other riot grrrl bands?"

"You have much to learn Grasshopper," said Jodie in a Chinese accent, putting out her cigarette. "If you weren't so good at sex, I'd probably have killed you for saying that. You can redeem yourself by taking me to bed tonight."

Karen laughed. "I still don't get it," she admitted.

"Gawd. Honey, Alanis Morissette sang a song in which she whined about being dumped by some guy who she went down on in a movie theater. Okay? That is not feminism. That is fucking pathetic. You listen to Bikini Kill screaming, 'I EAT YOUR HATE LIKE LOVE, I EAT YOUR HATE LIKE LOVE!' THAT is fucking feminism!"

"Still, I like her music," said Karen.

"Of course you do," said Jodie mockingly. "You mainstream types eat up all the MTV-ized music out there...ignoring the awesome bands that don't want to become corporate sellouts...bands that care solely about art for art's sake...and the message."

"You're a snob," said Karen, now trying to irritate her on purpose. "What is wrong with MTV-ized music?"

"What is wrong with it?" said Jodie, waving her arms as she got into a frenzy. "Jee-heez! EVERYTHING'S wrong with it! Take Incubus. Arena fucking rock at its worst! Massively boring, incredibly embarrassing, lousy-ass pretentious music made bearable through slick productions. And their close relatives Staind, Limp Bizkit, Puddle of Mudd, blah, blah, blah...the same music again and again, ad fucking nauseam!"

"Will you watch it? You're going to drop the dishes!" Karen had to yell to interrupt her.

"You really shouldn't get me started on this!" Jodie yelled back, drying up the last of the dishes and facing Karen.

"Don't be such a baby!"

"I am not a baby!" Jodie had fire in her eyes.

"You are totally arousing me right now!"

"Then kiss me, you idiot!" Karen, much stronger than Jodie, managed to hoist her up on to the kitchen counter, and started kissing her neck roughly. "Wait, wait," said Jodie. "Hold on a second."

She took out a bottle of champagne from the kitchen cabinet above her head. Then she quickly unbuttoned her jeans and took them off, throwing them across the room, so that she was sitting on the counter wearing only her tight buttoned-down shirt and her underwear.

Karen looked at her as if she had lost her mind. "What are you doing?" she asked.

Jodie pulled up her bare feet onto the counter to show her. "I got a pedicure."

"Oh" was all Karen could say, as she realized what was happening. Jodie put her hands on Karen's shoulders and enticingly offered one of her feet to her lips. Karen nuzzled it with her face, and then began to kiss and lick it. She moved her hands up Jodie's bare leg slowly, all the while kissing her foot. It was tantalizing. Soon, she felt a wonderfully sweet taste in her mouth. At first she didn't know what it was, but then she recognized the taste as champagne. Jodie was pouring champagne down her leg, her head tilted upwards as she moaned in pleasure.

"Oh, God, that's unreal," said Karen, before continuing to caress Jodie's foot. Champagne spilled over the kitchen floor, but at that point, neither of them really cared.

Jodie drank some of the remaining wine herself, and gave the rest to Karen. "I want you," she whispered, "let's get in the shower." Karen agreed without a word, completely aroused by Jodie's advance. Jodie took her hand, and this time, not-so-shyly, took her to washroom. Without a word, she began to take off Karen's skirt, letting it fall to the floor, and pulled her blouse over her head. Karen unbuttoned Jodie's shirt slowly, listening to her short breaths, and pushed it off her shoulders. They kissed, frantically trying to take off each other's underwear at the same time.

When they were both naked, they stood together in the shower. Jodie turned the water on. She moved closer to Karen, putting her arms around her back, and slowly moving them down to her hips. Their nipples erotically rubbed against each other's skin. Karen bent down to bite Jodie's lower lip. Jodie kissed her back with a sudden rage, as their bodies gyrated together and the water flowed down their backs.

Jodie stepped out of the shower for a second, and came back with a piece of cloth in her hands. "What are you doing now?" whispered Karen.

"Shhhh..." said Jodie, with a wicked grin. "Just relax for me, babe. Close your eyes." She proceeded to blindfold Karen. This time, she was going to make sure she ran the show. From the looks of it, Karen didn't have a problem.

Jodie got behind Karen, and cupped both her breasts. She kissed her neck and shoulders while she fondled Karen's breasts, massaging them slowly. Karen felt her knees give way. Jodie backed her up against the wall of the shower so that she was leaning on it while Jodie licked her shoulders and back, while moving her hands over her bare flesh at the front. She moved her tongue down to Karen's lower back, and her hands down to the inside of her thighs.

Jodie began to put brief, light kisses on Karen's hips, while rubbing the inside of her thighs with her hands tenderly.

"Oh, honey...ohhhhh...uhhhhmmm..."

Jodie spun her around, still leaning her against the wall, but now with her back to the wall. She moved a finger lightly across her abdomen, eliciting a sigh of pleasure. She let Karen put her arms around her shoulders, and began kissing her fervently on the mouth, her own arms wrapped around her slender waist. She brought up one hand to run through Karen's hair.

Jodie started kissing Karen's neck. Karen bent down to moan in Jodie's ear.

"Ohhhhh, Jo...Jo...Jo..."

No-one said "Jo" as caressingly as Karen did. It was the most endearing thing in the world. Jodie started to get wet just hearing Karen's moans in her ear. Her tongue went to Karen's nipples, sucking each in turn.

She let her hand travel down to Karen's sex. Gently she stroked her crotch with her hand. Karen's body was completely overcome with pleasure. Jodie decided it was time to go for it. She pulled Karen down to the floor of the bathroom and straddled her, wrapping her legs around her back, all the while kissing her mouth. She pressed up her vulva against Karen's.

"Sweetheart..." Karen could go no further than that, so intensely was her body overcome with delicious tremors.

They throbbed against each other, both becoming more and more wet between the legs. At last Jodie drew her mouth away from Karen's, and moved her tongue to her legs, licking the inner thighs.

"Babe, I can't take it anymore," Karen gasped, hotter than ever. "Ohhhh...I think I'm going to faint..."

"I want to make you faint," panted Jodie, caressing Karen's hips with her hands. "I want to make you scream."

She planted feathery kisses on the lips surrounding Karen's clitoris. She licked her folds, as the secretions increased, and Karen's body squirmed in pleasure. At last, she allowed her tongue to massage Karen's clitoris.

"Ohhhhh...uhhhhmm...hmmmmm...Jo...oh, for fuck's sake...just do it...please..." Karen begged. She was now leaning back, propped up on her elbows.

Jodie lost no time. She penetrated Karen with her tongue, tasting her juice, breathing her in. She licked deeper and deeper, her hands now around Karen's waist again, kneading the bare skin on her back. Karen's first orgasm set in.

"OHHHHHHHH...YESSSS..." Karen couldn't stop herself.

As she started trembling, Jodie lowered herself on top of her, leaving a hand to play with her clitoris. She pushed a finger inside her vagina. Then another. And a third. Karen's walls beat strongly against Jodie's fingers, which were now rapidly sliding in and out, pumping hard.

Karen's second and third orgasms began. Jodie stayed on top, driving her insane with wild kisses on her mouth, her neck and breasts. She was shaking so hard, she thought she would die of ecstasy. When the spasms gave out, Jodie kissed her long and hard on the mouth. Then she took off the blindfold at last, and looked into her eyes.

Still in her arms, Karen whispered, "That was awesome, babe. That was a fucking epiphany."

******

"You look unbelievably sexy in boxer shorts on a Sunday morning." Jodie squeezed Karen's hand as she gave her breakfast.

"Is that a sex invite?" She bent down to kiss the top of her head.

"Maybe." Jodie started eating her pancakes. "Mmmm, mmmm, good."

"Well, if it's going to be anything like last night," said Karen, sitting down across from her, "bring it on, baby!"
Jodie winked at her flirtatiously, looking proud of herself.

"Seriously, where did that come from?" said Karen, pouring maple syrup over her pancakes. "I mean, you were just, like, this wham, bam, no-time-wasting, keeping-it-real, honest-to-God love machine!"

Jodie punched her playfully in the arm. "Hey! I have a sexually aggressive side to me, you know."

"I do know that, actually. You should show it more often, though." Karen put a hand on her thigh. She brought her face close to Jodie's. For a few moments they just let their faces touch without kissing. Jodie brought up a hand to caress her cheek, and lowered her fingers to her lips, letting her take each finger in her mouth. They kissed.

Karen started opening the mail. "Hey, check this out," she said. "An old friend of mine from college sent me pictures of her newborn baby boy."

"Let's see, let's see," said Jodie, grabbing a picture. "Cu-uute!"

"Adorable," agreed Karen.

"I just love babies," cooed Jodie. "They're just the most amazing things in the world."

A short silence followed, with Karen awkwardly sifting through some bills.

"Honey?" said Jodie uncertainly. "You know...I do want to adopt kids some day."

"Well," began Karen. "Don't get me wrong..."

"You don't want kids."

"I didn't say that, let me finish." Karen took a sip of her orange juice. "I write about gay parenting all the time. But for now, I'm just a little squeamish about taking on the responsibility of raising kids in a society that's a bit too homophobic. I mean, what will you do if the kid is bullied at school?"

"That doesn't have to happen."

"Well, what if it does?"

"Kids get bullied anyway. It doesn't matter whether or not they have gay parents."

"Yeah, but in that case it's sort of my fault. It'll be on my conscience. My kid got beat up because of me."

"That's just dumb." Jodie sounded disappointed.

"Is it?" Karen was equally stubborn.

"Do you even want kids?" persisted Jodie.

"Of course I do. And I didn't say never. I just said, I'm not prepared for that kind of responsibility in the immediate future."

Jodie looked irritated. "I'm not talking about the immediate future. I'm talking about the distant, distant future."

"Okay, I get that now."

"Okay, good."

Karen went back to the mail. Jodie picked up the newspaper. She looked at Karen out of the corner of her eye. She felt a little betrayed by this whole conversation.

******

They were dancing at a bar. There was a live band playing a cover of The Strokes' "Last Night".

"I love this song!" yelled Jodie over the music, head banging to her heart's desire.

"Yeah, it's great!" Karen smiled. It was adorable the way Jodie got so excited over music. "But I'm kind of tired...can I take a rain check?"

"Sure!"

"I'll be sitting at our table, okay?" Karen said into her ear, and walked off.

Jodie kept dancing. Some women noticed she was unattached and started dancing with her. One had a pierced nose, pierced eyebrows, and a pierced tongue that she kept licking her lips with erotically. She stared at Jodie lustfully. Jodie realized she was hitting on her, and tried to dance away. The woman grabbed her arm. Jodie noticed she had a tattoo saying "It's a Dyke's World" on her right arm.

"Where are you going?" she was saying. "The party's just starting!"

"Ummm, I'm going to join my girlfriend for a drink," she said, nodding her head toward where Karen was sitting, oblivious to her predicament.

"Forget your girlfriend. Have a drink with me at the bar." The woman smiled sexily. She was sexy in a dangerous kind of way, thought Jodie, checking her out for the first time. She was dressed in leather pants and a tight leather vest. She wasn't wearing a bra.

"No, I don't think that's a good idea," said Jodie, trying to break away from her grip, but she was too strong.

"Don't be such a drag."

"Okay, I'm serious. Let go of me, now." Jodie was polite, but firm.

The woman threw an arm around her neck and started to kiss her mouth passionately. Jodie's eyes remained wide open in shock as she tried desperately to break free. Where the fuck was Karen?

"Hey, stop that NOW!" Jodie heard Karen shouting.

"Get off of me!" yelled Jodie, as the woman finally let go. She saw that Karen had pulled her off. She faced the woman, fuming. "Jesus Christ! What the fuck is wrong with you? I told you I had a girlfriend!"

She shrugged. She obviously didn't care. She went off to find some fun elsewhere.

Jodie turned to Karen, trying to control her temper. "Where the fuck were you? That woman totally came on to me, even after I pointed you out!"

"Babe, I swear, I didn't see! I came as soon as I realized what was happening."

"Jesus! What is wrong with her? She's a woman! You'd think we wouldn't treat each other the way men treat us!" Jodie was shaking with rage.

Karen nodded grimly, seeing that Jodie was visibly disturbed. "Come on. Let me take you home." She put an arm around her waist, and kissed her on the cheek.

Back at home, Jodie just couldn't get over it. "I don't get it! Why would she harass me like that?"

"Honey, it's unfortunate, but there's a gay culture that encourages promiscuity. Partly it's a form of rebellion against the heterosexual lifestyle -- the in-your-face flamboyance tends to work pretty well. Partly it's because society is constantly telling homosexuals that they're sick and perverted. It's something I address frequently in my articles."

"But, God, Karen, I'm one of them! I mean, what happened to the 'we're in this together' thing? Out the window when you want sex?"

"I know, I know." Karen sat down next to her in bed, handing her a drink. "It happens. The important thing is that you know how to deal with it."

"But I couldn't deal with it! If you weren't there..." Jodie trailed off, seething. Karen put an arm around her, and kissed the top of her head. "Do you get hit on a lot?"

"Well...I used to when I first came out. Not so much anymore. Plus, people recognize me at the bars. It'll pass, even for you."

"*Even* for me? What is that supposed to mean?" Jodie put down her drink and wiped her mouth.

"Well...honey, you're kind of ultra-femme, you know. The more butch lesbians are going to see that as an opportunity."

"What the fuck are you talking about? So it doesn't matter whether I'm gay or straight? Either way, I have to deal with fucking gender dynamics?"

"Honey, I can't believe you were expecting anything else."

"I can't believe you're being so blase about this!" Jodie was furious.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, your girlfriend just got sexually harassed at a bar! You'd think you'd be angry or something!"

"I AM angry. I just express it in a different way. I tend to think more practically than emotionally. You know that."

"Whatever. Just turn the lights off, I want to get some sleep." There was a quiver in Jodie's voice.

"Hey." Karen put her arms around her. "Come on. You know I care. I would've had that dumb bitch thrown out if she hadn't backed off. It's just...well, some things are a fact of gay life. You're going to have to learn to deal with it."

Jodie didn't answer. She just pushed Karen's arms off and slid under the covers.

Karen leaned over and kissed her neck. Jodie didn't open her eyes. She said, "Let me sleep." A little injured, Karen backed off.

******

The conference room began to empty out. Jodie had just delivered a major presentation without any hitches to the company executives. "Good work, Jodie," said Wayne, walking toward her. "I don't know where we'd be without you."

This was it. The big moment. He was going to tell her that she'd been given a promotion. Jodie grinned her 100-watt grin. Heaven is about to happen.

"Thanks, Wayne."

"Listen, Jo," began Wayne, hesitantly. "Please don't take this the wrong way. The execs loved you. But that promotion...well, it's not happening. They decided to give it to Duvall."

For a minute, Jodie thought her knees were going to buckle. "Duvall?" she managed to get out.

"Yeah. I'm sorry."

"WHAT?" she started to regain her senses. "Duvall? Are you serious, Wayne? The guy micro-manages, he's incompetent and he sure as heck doesn't know what he's talking about half the time!"

"Yeah, I know..."

"Wayne! Can't you do something?"

"Sorry, I tried. I swear. I recommended you. But my hands are tied."

"What do you mean?" Jodie got wary. "What's this all about?"

"I don't know how to tell you this. Totally off-the-record, okay? The company just got a couple of new execs. They're kind of conservative, religious people. Um. I don't know how, but they found out that you're gay. They say it's bad for marketing to have a lesbian in a senior position."

Jodie didn't know what to say. Slowly, she said, "Please, God, tell me that's not the reason."

"I'm sorry. I hope this doesn't come between us." He smiled at her sympathetically.

"Oh. No, not at all." Jodie gave him an absent wave of her hand. This fucking sucked.

******

"Sweetheart?"

Jodie seemed in a far away place. Karen wondered what was wrong with her. "Where are you?" No answer. "Helloooo? Earth to Jodie?" Still no answer. Karen snapped her fingers in front of Jodie's face.

Jodie broke out of her trance. "Hmmmm...huh...what?"

Karen laughed at her. "What is wrong with you? Where are you these days?"

"What?"

"The past couple of weeks...you've been in another world or something."

"No, not really." Jodie sat up in bed. Karen was typing an article on her laptop next to her in bed. It was late night.

"Yes, really. You don't hear me talking, you're always quiet, and you haven't ranted about music in a long time."

"Oh. It must be pressure at work."

"Big projects?" asked Karen, sympathetically.

"Something like that." She coughed.

"Well, being in line for a big promotion means more work, you know." No answer. "Honey, are you sure you're okay? Do you want something to eat or drink?" Karen sounded concerned.

"No, that's okay." Jodie got out of bed, and went to splash some water on her face. She looked at herself in the mirror. She had bags under her eyes. She tried to think. Since when had her life become so complicated?

She came back to the bedroom. Karen had finished her article, and packed up her laptop. She looked at her and raised an eyebrow the way she did when she wanted to have sex. Jodie shook her head. She was not in the mood. They hadn't made love in at least two weeks. Karen thought it was PMS or hormones. She didn't seem disappointed, though. Jodie lay down on her side facing away from Karen. Karen moved closer. She hooked an arm around her, nuzzling her bare shoulder, and planting a kiss on her neck. Jodie gently but decidedly removed her arm without saying anything, and moved away.

Karen looked hurt, but didn't argue. Jodie had never been moody before. Not like this. Maybe she just wanted some space. She just wished she would talk to her. For the first time since they had started dating, Karen felt a distance between them. It frightened her.