I Kissed a Girl

"Oh, my God," Heather was letting the story sink in. "So she's actually gay. Are you sure?"

"YES! She kept insisting that she was straight. It was classic denial. And she never gave me a real argument, she just kept saying 'no, no, no', like she wanted herself to believe it as much as me." Karen closed her eyes in frustration, as Heather put an arm around her.

"So what are you going to do?"

"Nothing. There's nothing I can do. Ball's in her court now."

"But you like her."

"But I like her," Karen agreed.

"A lot?"

"Yeah. She makes me laugh. She's intelligent. But her tough exterior's just a defense mechanism. She's not even half as strong as she had me believing."

"You can't blame her for having some dumb soccer mom ideal," Heather pointed out. "I mean, that's what we're taught, since, like, forever. We're conditioned, and deviancy from the norm is, well, deviancy."

"So what do I do?"

"Talk to her. Call her up. You can't abandon her in this state anyway."

"Oh, dammit, you're right," said Karen. "It's late, though. I'll call her tomorrow morning. It's a Saturday. She'll be home." She looked up gratefully at Heather. "Thanks, by the way, I know you broke a date for me."

"Oh, it's okay," said Heather playfully. "You're kinda cute, which makes up for it."

"Aw, now see, this is why nothing could ever happen between us," cracked Karen. "You just want me for my body." They giggled, both knowing that Heather was so heterosexual that it was not even funny.

After Heather left, Karen changed into boxers and a T-shirt and got into bed. She stayed up late thinking about what she was going to say, and of course, about The Kiss. She felt a dull, physical ache when she was not around Jodie, and she wanted -- no, she needed -- to kiss her again so desperately. She tossed and turned. Sleep evaded her.

******

Karen was having breakfast the next morning, when the doorbell rang. It was ten o'clock. Probably the mailman, she thought. She walked to the door and opened it.

It was Jodie. She looked like a mess. Her hair was tied back in a rough ponytail, and she was wearing faded jeans and a T-shirt. Her eyes were red, and her face was blotchy, like she'd been crying all night. Yet, she looked undeniably sexy. Karen just wanted to take her in her arms and tell her everything was going to be okay.

"Karen, I..."

"You don't have to say anything," Karen said quickly.

"But I want to say it," Jodie answered quietly. She stopped, as if afraid of what she was about to say. "I *do* want you this way." Her voice started getting choked up. "I wouldn't want you any other way."

That was it. Karen just threw her arms around her waist, and let her cry on her shoulder, while she kissed her hair, her forehead, her neck. "Baby, I'm so sorry," she said softly. "I swear, the last thing I ever wanted to do was to make you cry. I was just angry."

"No, no," said Jodie, between sobs. "I should thank you. You saved me. I'm tired of living a lie."

Karen led her to the couch, and sat her down. "I've just been so afraid," she said. "I don't know...I figured I could just pretend it wasn't true. I...I just..." She trailed off.

"Go on," said Karen, still holding her.

"Every time I feel out of control, it's like my whole world comes crashing down. I hate not being in control." Jodie sounded frustrated.

"No-one's ever completely in control, Jodie," said Karen, tightening her grasp. "You make your choices, and you hope for the best. You have a fifty-fifty chance at everything, just like everyone else."

"I know that now."

Karen kissed Jodie's eyes, her cheeks, her nose and her chin. She wiped away the tears with her fingers, and held her face in her hands. They started smiling at each other. Karen leaned in and kissed Jodie's upper lip. Then she put her arms around her and pulled her closer, kissing her again, ever so slowly, releasing all the pent-up tenderness inside her. This time when she parted her lips with her tongue, Jodie responded with an equal intensity. Jodie's arms went around her shoulders at last, tentatively at first, but then locking around her neck firmly.

Suddenly, Jodie broke apart. "What's wrong?" asked Karen, out of breath. "Too fast?"

"No, no, it's just something's missing." Jodie got up off the couch and took a CD out of her bag. She put it in Karen's CD player, hit the play button, and came back to the couch, smiling. "Now, where were we?" Karen smiled, pulled her down and started kissing her again, as Jill Sobule sang "I Kissed a Girl" in the background. This time, it was the right song.

And we laughed at the world
They can have their diamonds
And we'll have our pearls
I kissed a girl
I kissed a girl

I kissed a girl, her lips were sweet
She was just like kissing me
I kissed a girl, won't change the world
But I'm so glad
I kissed a girl

******

"Why is it that you can't stop smiling this morning?"

Jodie looked at Jay as she sipped her espresso, and smiled even wider.

"There we go...that's the smile again...what is up with you?" he asked. "Is there a new man in your life?"

"There's no man in my life but you, Jay," she quipped.

"You're such a liar."

"I swear to you, there's no man." She chuckled at how true that was.

"Something is going on," he insisted. "And I demand to know what."

Jodie smiled mysteriously. "Can you keep a secret?"

"Sure. Who's the new love of your life?"

"I'm seeing a woman."

Jay's mouth fell open. Jodie started laughing. "W-what?" he sputtered finally. "When...where...how? Are you...gay?"

"Yeah, I think I just might be," she said, still grinning from ear to ear.

"Wow." He looked thoughtful. "I mean, in a way, dammit, 'cos another one bites the dust, you know. One less heterosexual woman in New York City, and God knows I'm going to die alone as it is."

"You're okay with this, right?" Jodie asked hastily.

"Okay with it?" he said, shock now wearing off. "I'm quite thoroughly impressed."

"Glad to hear it."

"Can I come watch some time?"

"Very funny."

"I'm serious."

"Shut up." She gave him a quick peck on the cheek, and headed off for work.

******

"I gotta tell you, I'm a little nervous." Jodie ran a hand uneasily through her hair.

"About what?" asked Karen. They were on a date by a pier, both dressed casually in jeans. Jodie was leaning against the railing, looking at the water, with Karen standing behind her, arms around her waist. Sometimes Jodie found it unbelievable how much she enjoyed Karen's touch. She barely had to do anything to make her feel turned on.

"About the first time."

"Sex?"

"Yeah. Sex. With you, I mean," Jodie said shyly.

Karen kissed her temple. "You don't need to worry. Trust me, when the moment comes, you'll be fine. Besides, you can always tell me to stop or ask me what to do."

"Yeah. I guess."

"Tell you what. Ask me questions. Right now. Anything to make you relax." Karen turned her around so that they were face to face.

"Hmmm, okay," said Jodie, absently playing with Karen's neck-chain. "Do you use strap-ons?"

"Jesus, no!" Karen laughed. "I'm femme! Well, soft femme, anyway. That's funny...I can't even imagine using strap-ons! What else?"

"Ummm...what do you want me to do?"

"Look, you don't have to do anything the first time if you're not comfortable with it. I can wait." Karen started rubbing Jodie's arm to comfort her.

"Yeah, that's mighty big of you," retorted Jodie. "But can you just answer the question?"

"Fine. Rule number one: no sarcasm in bed."

Jodie laughed. "I can't promise that. But I'll try. Go on."

"Okay, oral sex is generally a standard requirement," said Karen. "Can you do that?"

"Given that I've been fantasizing about it privately since, like, forever, I think I'll manage. Go on."

Karen held up a hand.

"The whole thing?" Jodie's eyes grew big.

"No, silly," said Karen. "That's supposed to be painful, anyway. But supposedly in a good way. I'm vanilla, though...I'm kind of sexually conservative."

"Okay, that works for me." Jodie seemed relieved. She thought for a second. "Kinkiest thing you've ever done?"

"Tied up a woman and made love to her. It was her idea, though, not mine. But it seemed to turn her on, so it turned me on." Karen concentrated for a second. "And, uh...I guess you could say I have a foot fetish."

"I have ugly feet."

"It doesn't really make a difference."

"Good."

"Foreplay is important for me," said Karen. "I tend to spend a lot of time on foreplay when I'm making love."

"Yeah, ditto that," said Jodie. "Foreplay totally turns me on." The whole conversation had really made the heat rise between her legs. Even her nipples were beginning to harden. Karen could probably tell, because she was smiling knowingly.

"Really?" she said, with a glint in her eye. "So what happens when I kiss you here?" She kissed her mouth. "And here..." She kissed her chin. "And right here..." She kissed the hollow of her neck. Jodie let out a soft moan, leaning into Karen, burying her face in her shoulder. Karen stroked her hair. "Now do you feel better?"

"Much." They smiled. The moment was so intimate that Jodie wished she could freeze time there forever. She could feel herself flushing. When she could no longer take Karen's gaze, she turned around to stare at the water and they watched the sunset together.

******

"Karen, I cannot believe you are shutting me out like this!" Heather was following Karen, who was moving around the office with a stack of files in her hand.

"What are you on about?" Karen asked, a little annoyed.

"This whole thing with Jodie...I'm entitled to more information!"

"There's nothing to tell!"

"I don't believe you!" Heather forced her to stop walking by obstructing her path, and crossing her arms across her chest.

"What do you want me to do?" Karen looked exasperated.

"Tell me she's put out."

"Okay, fine. She has put out."

"And mean it!"

"How can I mean it when it's not true?"

"It's not true?"

"No!" Karen nearly dropped her files. Heather had this way of irritating her to the point of anger sometimes.

"So, what's happening? Are you losing your touch?" smirked Heather.

"Oh, Mary, mother of God!"

"Karen, how many times do I tell you," said Heather, disdainfully. "This is New York City. Not West Virginia. The Father, the Holy Ghost, the Son, the Mother, and the Third Cousin have no business here."

Karen threw up her hands. "If you *must* know, I'm going over tonight. To her place. Tonight is the night. Okay?"

"Will you talk to her about me?"

"Yes, right in the middle of sex, I'll kill it by bringing up my heterosexual best friend who has a borderline personality disorder."

"You'd do that for me?" asked Heather, hugging her deliberately to infuriate her more. "Wow!"

Karen tried in vain to break free. "Oh, just kill me now," she said, before breaking into a fit of laughter.