Homebodies

I felt guilty for saying what seemed hurtful to her. I reached out to her and rested my hand on her shoulder. “Hey, I didn’t mean it like… I’ve been with her, yeah, but that doesn’t matter now. I’d never touch her now. I know you’d never hurt me the way she did. That’s why I know I’ll always love you in a different way, in a way I could never love someone else.”

She looked up at me, my words having moved her. “Really? You know, I don’t think you’ve ever told me you loved me.”

“Really?” I said, surprised.

“Yeah.”

We sat there looking at each other for a tense moment.

“Hey, can I have a hug?” I asked boldly, holding out my right arm to her.

She smiled and scooted the foot or so that separated us and embraced me. The feeling was indescribable. The warmth of her loving embrace was so intense that I almost wanted to break out into tears. I held her close, hoping I wasn’t squeezing too tight, but she was squeezing me so tight that I didn’t think I’d need to apologize for the strength of my hug.

The hug dragged on for what seemed like a minute or so and then the thought entered my mind that we’d entered into inappropriate territory. The hug seemed to slowly evolve from an intense, loving one into a softer, more passionate one. She wasn’t holding onto me tightly anymore, but was just keeping me up against her, not saying a word. Of course, I was doing the same and my excuse was inexcusable: it felt good.

Having this warm, loving body pressed against mine was a sensation I wasn’t quickly going to abandon. I didn’t want to pry myself away from her but I was also intensely curious about her state of mind. Was this just an innocent hug gone long or was she being a bit more affectionate than she’d ever been?

In an attempt to be extremely bold, I started rubbing her back in a way that could be construed as anything but brotherly. Her response surprised me. She clutched me closer, started rubbing my back the same way I was rubbing hers and started nuzzling her face into the crook of my neck.

Being even bolder, as my hand ran down her back, when I got to the bottom of her shirt, I slipped my hand under it and rested my hand on part of her bare back near her hip. With that, she seemed to tighten up and pull her hands away from my back. She slowly reached down, as if for my hand, which I gave to her, and she brought it up in front on her, resting my hand on her stomach, just below her breast. Instinctively, I ran my hand up over her shirt and rested it atop the soft, fleshy globe of her breast giving it a very gentle squeeze.

I heard let out a whimpering gasp. I whispered. “You ok?”

All she did was murmur “Hmm-mhh.”

I continued very softly rubbing her breast through her shirt. After about ten seconds, she pulled away from our embrace just enough so that her face was in front of mine, her hands resting on my chest. She had this blissful look on her face, which was down turned ever so slightly. She was so incredibly beautiful that I couldn’t stop myself from what happened next. I leaned forward and kissed her gently on the lips. After the kiss, I left my lips on her and what she did surprised me: she pushed forward, kissing me back.

The kiss was painfully soft and wet. I never wanted it to end. After the kiss, we laid down and she snuggled up next to me and we continued to watch TV as if nothing had happened.

The days after the incident were actually pretty nice, except for the fact that neither Katie, nor I dared to bring up what had happened days before. Other than that, I’d built up the courage and confidence to get out of the bedroom. So I watched TV in the living room. Yeah, I know, I’m slightly more active than a head of lettuce. 

Like a looping routine, I’d be on the couch, sprawled out and taking up way too much room and Katie would walk in carrying a bowl of chips or popcorn or something, plop down on the smaller couch next to the sofa I was on, ask me what was on TV and start watching with me and we’d exchange pleasant snippets of conversation as we watched a show or movie. Tonight was no different.

It was Friday and things were lazy, like usual. I was planning to just stay in, watch some DVDs, nothing special. I had planned to watch some action movie, a pretty gory one. In fact, it had some pretty intense gunfights too. An all-around guy movie. I popped it in and sat down. I was going solo tonight because I had peeked in on Katie about an hour prior and found her to be fast asleep, cozy in her bed.

After the previews finished up, I heard that familiar shuffling and Katie wandered into the living room, her hair teased and tussled, her eyes tired and squinting from the aftereffects of prematurely awakening.

“Why didn’t you wake me up, jerk?”, she asked, slightly slurring her speech.

I was taken aback a bit by her slight annoyance at me not having woken her up. I made an effort not to make a lazy excuse.

“I’m sorry! I saw you asleep and didn’t want to wake you up. I didn’t think it would be a big deal. It’s just some dumb movie I’m watching…”

Arms hanging at her sides, she drug herself over to the couch I was on and collapsed, but sitting up straight. She didn’t look at me as she talked, her eyes still barely open but focusing on the TV.

“That’s lame, Kevin. You know we watch movies every night. Well, almost every night. All you had to do was nudge me a few times and I would’ve woken up.”

I didn’t know what to say. 

“I’m sorry. Next time, I’ll just wake you up.”

Her agitation was more acted than anything. She wasn’t mad, she just liked being theatrical, at least with me. I think it was because I was the only person she felt safe being theatrical with. In fact, I had only ever seen her being theatrical around me.

She kept on the charade, really riding me on the guilt trip.

“Yeah, right. I think you just don’t like spending time with me and any chance you can get to get out of spending time with me, you do. Jerk.”

Eyes still lazily fixed on the TV, she never turned to look at me. I smiled and leaned over, wrapping her head in my arm and pulling her into a one-armed hug, nuzzling her head into the spot between my shoulder and chest.

“Awww…”, I cooed mockingly. “…poor baby.”

She sat up and pushed me away, scooting back over to where she was. She spoke in hushed tones, her mock anger having been tamed. 

“Jerk.”, she commented.

I looked at her and smiled. “But seriously, next time I won’t start without you, ok?”

She didn’t respond. For a moment I started thinking that maybe she wasn’t joking and might’ve been serious about the whole thing. I straightened up, realizing maybe I shouldn’t be so flippant about the whole thing and consider her feelings. I reached towards her, resting my right hand on her shoulder.

“Hey, look, I’m sorry if you’re really mad, ok? It was a mistake and it won’t happen again.”

“It’s okay.”, she responded quite plainly.

She kind of shrugged her shoulder a little, just slightly, as if to signal me to remove my hand, but without being abrupt and abrasive about it. I got the message and moved my hand, turning back to the TV. 

After a few minutes, she got up without any pretense and walked into the kitchen, turning on the light.

“Want something to drink?”, she offered in a voice not wholly awake.

“Sure, I’ll just have what you’re having.”

After a minute she brought in a couple of glasses of coke and we sat down to watch the movie. I realized we were watching a testosterone fest and felt obliged to apologize.

“Umm, I didn’t know you were going to be awake so I kind of threw in this action movie. It’s kind of a guy movie so I apologize if you’re not into it.”

“I like action movies, Kevin…”, she threw back at me. “…you know that. Or, you should know that.”

I tried to be light about the whole thing, chuckling a little. 

“I know mostly what movies you’re into. I just think that you’re the type of person that wouldn’t complain regardless of what movie is playing, unless it was a porno or something. I was just being thoughtful and making sure you we’re into the movie, that’s all.”

She looked at me suspiciously. “If you throw a porno in, it better be in your room when you’re by yourself. It’d be so embarrassing having to watch a porno with you.”

“Why?”, I laughed.

She smiled. “Why? It’d be so awkward. What would we talk about during the movie? “Wow, she has big boobs, look at ‘em bounce around.”

“Yeah, I know. It would be pretty awkward. I’d keep making excuses to get up and leave the room.”

“Yeah, maybe to go spank your monkey or something.”

I laughed. “What’s gotten into you tonight? ”

She stared ahead, not locking eyes with me. “Nothing.”

I didn’t know much about women but I knew that when a girl told you nothing was wrong, something was definitely wrong. “Come on, it’s ok. Tell me.”

After a few moments of what appeared to be mental conflict, Katie broke down. “You know, you haven’t said anything about what happened the other night since it happened.”

I knew it was eventually going to come up. The mood instantly became hush. I looked down, searching for the words. “Katie… I…”

“I’m sorry if you regret it.” She blurted out.

“No…” I stammered. “I didn’t… I don’t…”

She seemed sad, lost as her eyes finally wandered to find mine. “It’s ok. I think I was just feeling a little… you know, because of my cycle. I guess we were just in the wrong place at the right time. If you think I’m a total perv, I don’t blame you.”

I turned to her.

“Katie, I was the one that started it. With the hug, then, you know… I really shouldn’t have done that.”

“So you do regret it then?” she asked, this time looking me dead in the eyes.

“No… not at all. Well, I don’t if you liked it.”

She looked down, cracking a smile. “I liked it, that’s why I kissed you back.”

“I don’t know what got into me. I just… maybe it was the time away from you, but you seemed so different when I came home. At that moment, I had trouble thinking of you as my sister. I just saw this incredibly sweet and cute girl in front of me and I couldn’t control myself.”

She turned her head, looking at me with a very sincere curiosity. “Is that bad?”

“No, actually. It’s great. I’m just so used to you keeping to yourself but since I came home you’ve been so open and kind and sweet to me when I needed you. ”

She turned back to the TV, clutching her soda close to her. “I don’t know, I think I’m just comfortable around you and that’s why I did what I did. Especially with mom and dad being gone, you know? I figured I could just do what I felt in my heart was right and you wouldn’t make me regret it.”

I smiled. “Of course I wouldn’t make you regret it.” 

“I guess we both just got caught up in the moment. I definitely don’t regret it, though. You just seemed so hurt. I just hated seeing you like that, so I just wanted to do what I could to show you you weren’t alone”, she said, making me curious as to what she meant.

“How so?”, I inquired.

She paused momentarily, her eyes seeking a way to put into words what she was thinking without saying something that could be misconstrued.

“Well, like when you gave me that hug, that was like the first time in ages that you, you know, put your arms around me or anything. I’ve never felt so… loved”

“I figured that we’re on such good terms that we should be able to goof off like that every now and then. I shouldn’t be afraid to give you a hug every now and then, right?”

She thought about that for a few seconds then looked at me. “So I shouldn’t feel weird about asking you for a hug?”

“Would you feel weird asking me for a hug?”

Her eyes moved away, the gears in her mind moving again. “Yeah, a little, but only because we’d never been like that before, you know, affectionate? But I guess I can’t say that anymore, can I?” she said with a smile.

“I just don’t want you to feel afraid around me for any reason. Like, if you ever wanted to give me a hug or something, don’t feel like I’d reject you or get mad or anything, and that goes for anything. I want you to just feel like you can come to me, because I am your brother and I love you.”

She smiled. “I feel so comfortable around you. I’ve never felt so comfortable around any guy.”

“I know, I feel the same way about you. I guess that’s what I was getting at, that we should just be more open.”

That having been said, Katie sat up, curled her legs up onto the couch and turned to me, seemingly investing more interest in the conversation.

“Can I ask you something?” she asked.

“Of course.”

She was clearly blushing and had difficulty asking her question. “Did you like it when… umm…when you felt me…”

I couldn’t help but blush too. “I’m so sorry about that. I know that I shouldn’t have touched you like that…”

She was almost whispering but I could hear her clearly because we were not sitting so closely together. “No, it’s ok. I think I was swept up in the moment too. So, you didn’t answer my question.”

I smiled. “You never really asked one.”

Playfully flustered, she smiled. “When you felt me up, did you like it?”

“Oh yeah, I really did. You have… a really nice body.”

She giggled. “You haven’t seen my body.”

I laughed too. “Is that an invitation?” All she could do was blush and giggle. 
“Well, it felt really nice. I hope it felt nice for you.”

She looked down. “Yeah, it felt really nice.”

“Are you glad we stopped when we did?” I asked, curiously.

She didn’t seem sure of how to answer. It took her a few seconds. “I kinda just went along with what you did, so when you stopped I guess I didn’t want to keep going. I figured you wanted to stop.”

“I just felt lucky that you kissed me and let me hold you so I didn’t want to push my luck.”

She smiled. “It had nothing to do with luck.”

We were both now in what was just about the deepest, most personal conversation we’d ever shared. We had completely forgotten about the movie. 

“So, how come you don’t have a boyfriend?” I asked. “You seem like the kind of girl who could have all kinds of guys on the hook.”

She smiled shyly, shaking her head. “No, I don’t know. I’ve just never thought about it like that. I mean, I want to be with someone, but I know how guys are. I know guys really just want one thing and it’s kind of tough finding a guy I feel safe with that I know won’t hurt me, you know?”

“Yeah, I do.”

Katie’s eyes shifted a little. “I mean, you’re really the only guy I feel safe with, but…”

“But I’m just your brother.”

She shifted to get slightly closer to me, her eyes apologetic.

“No, no, I didn’t mean it like that. I mean, you are my brother and I enjoy all the time we spend together, but…”

“It’s not the same as having a boyfriend.” I finished her sentence. I smiled, looking down. “Is that was you meant by not being able to take care of me in every way?”

She nervously tucked some hair behind her ear. “You know what I meant by that. Even if I could, I wouldn’t be any good…” She laughed. “I don’t even know how to kiss, much less do any of that other stuff.”

“I think you kiss pretty well.”

“You’re just being nice.”

I wanted to show her that wasn’t the case. I leaned forward and tried to more energetically plead my case. “No, not at all. That kiss was really incredible.”

She seemed surprised. “Really?” she asked.

“Yeah.”

“How could you tell? That kiss only lasted like a second or two.”

“It was so nice I wanted it to last longer.”

Katie smiled what was possibly the most beautiful smile I’d ever seen, probably because it was coming from her and I’d hardly ever seen her smile like this. We sat there smiling for what seemed like an eternity but was only a few seconds.

“Can I tell you something? Without you thinking I’m weird?” I asked.

“Sure.” She said.

“You’ve got such a cute smile. I wish you’d smile more often.”

“I’ve been smiling a lot more since you’ve been home.” 

“So, is it still safe for us to hang out?”

“Yeah, of course.” She said timidly, almost in a whisper.

“I promise I won’t do anything silly like kiss you again.”

“You don’t have to make that promise.” She said, trailing off into her quiet voice. “I think that from now on, whatever happens happens and I won’t regret it, okay?”

“’Whatever happens?’” I replied.

“Whatever.”

“Katie, that’s saying an awful lot.” I replied.

She put her finger up to my lips in a strangely assertive manner. “Shh. I know what I said and I meant it.”

I smiled. “Okay then. Whatever happens happens.”

I looked at the clock and realized how bleeding late it was.

“Wow, I should really get up to bed and at least get ready to go to sleep.”

Katie looked a tad disappointed at that, but immediately played it off. “Yeah, I should probably do the same.”

I had showered, brushed my teeth, changed into my pajamas and was sitting on my bed flipping through a magazine that had been lying on my floor for weeks. I’d bought it weeks ago and completely forgot to look at it, something that happens more than it should. One of many bad habits of mine.

My door was about half open and Katie happened to walk by, looking in. She stopped, looking on inquisitively. I looked up and saw that pretty face, too shy to say anything or come in and I couldn’t help but smile back.

“I thought you were going to bed.” She said, smiling.

“I am.” I chuckled.

“Oh, I see, you just wanted to get away from me.”, she joked back.

I disputed that with a laugh, stood up and opened the door, reaching out and taking her hand and pulling her into the room. 

“Oh, come on…”, I said as she allowed me to drag her in, her feet shuffling as I pulled her.

“Take a seat, ya big baby.”, I joked.

With a phony frown, arms dangling at her sides, she lazily shuffled to the edge of the bed and plopped down, looking at the TV. I crawled back into the center of the bed and sat down, resuming reading my magazine. After a few seconds, Katie turned around and propped herself up on her elbows, looking at my magazine, or at least pretending to be.

Katie’s eyes shifted a bit until coming back to mine. “You know, I was thinking that since neither of us go out much and we’re not with anyone, maybe we should just start hanging out more often? 

“Sure, why not? To hell with boyfriends and girlfriends.” I declared jokingly but seriously.

She interjected. “I just figured that you spend a lot of time in your room alone and I spend most of my time in my room, and since mom and dad are going to be gone for awhile, and since… that whole thing with whatshername… it might be nice to start hanging out more.”, she proposed.

I looked up and she felt compelled to reinforce the innocence of her proposal.

“I mean, instead of us both being alone in the house, maybe we could just be alone together.”

I laughed. “That makes no sense.”

She smiled impatiently. “You know what I mean.”

“I know what you mean. I think that’d be fine. Great, actually.”

Her face lit up. ”Really?”, she beamed.

“Of course! Hey, if you wanted, you could even sleep in here. Like a slumber party.”, I chuckled.

She seemed to like the idea but was hesitant to exude too much of an emotive response. Her eyes were looking for a deeper answer to my idea.

“You mean, like, in the same bed?”

My laugh became a lonely smile as I explained. “Well, no, I was thinking you could take the bed and I could take the floor. I don’t know. If you think it’s a dumb idea, it’s ok.”

Her eyes widened. “No! I think that’s fine, but you don’t have to sleep on the floor. We can both sleep on the bed, I’ll just take up a little part of the edge, so I won’t crowd you.”

“You’re sure? I move around in my sleep sometimes, I wouldn’t want to get uncomfortably close in the middle of the night, you know? And have you get all creeped out.”, I smiled.

“Uncomfortably close for you or me?”, she said with a curious seriousness.

I tried to get as serious as I could. “Well, I figure it’d be uncomfortable for you. I don’t know.”

She smiled. “Why would it be uncomfortable? We practically made out the other night.”

We both shared a nervous laugh and couldn’t lock eyes.

She continued. “It wouldn’t be uncomfortable for me, unless you, like, sat on my head in the middle of the night.”

I laughed. “No, no, nothing like that.”

“Ok, so, am I going to be sleeping in here from now on?”

I thought for a second. “Do you think we could do that without, you know, things getting weird? I wouldn’t want you to end up hating me.”

“Kevin, I told you that whatever happens happens. I’m a big girl and if I do something, it’ll be because I want to. As long as you don’t like, rape me or something, I won’t hate you.”

“You know I’d never force myself on you so you have nothing to worry about.”

She smiled. “I know. Ok, let me go shower and change, ok?”

“Ok.”, I said.

Katie bounced out of the room with a bit of a spring in her step. I was happy that she was happy. I got under the blanket and went back to looking at my magazine.

About a half an hour later, Katie came back. She was wearing some pajama pants and a tanktop. Her hair was still a little damp. She walked in shyly, tucking some loose hair behind her ear and crawled under the blanket, not saying a word.

“Ya ok?” I asked.

She nodded. “Yeah, just a little cold.”

“It’s a thick blanket. You’ll get warm soon.” I smiled.

Within a half an hour, we were both asleep.

DAYS LATER

Days went by and we both became more and more comfortable around each other. Katie seemed cheery, bouncy, happy, playful, different in many ways from her former self. She was still incredibly sweet like before, but it was like she’d blossomed emotionally and was much more open to me, more affectionate and more at ease. 

She even started dressing a little different. Instead of wearing thick, long sleeved shirts or baggy, over-sized pants, she started wearing thinner, short-sleeved shirt, tanktops and smaller-sized pants. She seemed more at ease around me and it showed.

It was a Thursday afternoon and, like always, I was lazing about the house in slacker-mode. I sat down on the couch in the living room and had switched on the TV when Katie walked in. She smiled at me as she walked in, sat down next to me and laid her head on my shoulder.

“Hey.”, I greeted.

“Hi.”, she replied.

“You hungry?” I asked.

“Yeah. Want me to make you something?”

“No, I was thinking maybe we could go out to eat?” I asked.

She sat up and looked at me, a bit surprised.

“Go out? Like, to a restaurant?”

I smiled. “Sure. Of course!”

Her eyes darted back and forth in contemplation, then found mine again.

“Should I get dressed up? Where are we going?”

I thought for a second.

“How about that Chinese restaurant downtown?” I finally said.

Her eyes lit up a bit.

“Oh, ok!” she said happily. “I guess I’ll dress up a little, but not too much?” her face scrunched up, hoping for a suggestion.

“I think so. Maybe just a blouse and some nice pants?” I suggested.

“Ok.” She agreed.

I went and showered and threw on a nice looking t-shirt, red sweater and some jeans and started looking for my wallet and keys. I finally tracked them down when Katie pushed my bedroom door open a little and crept in. I looked up at her and was floored. She couldn’t have taken longer to get ready than I did but she looked incredible. I’d never seen her looking like this before and for a split second I forgot she was my sister.

She had teased her short dark hair a little to where it was spiky in places, in a cute way. She was wearing a dark purple, short-sleeved and low-cut top that showed off more of her chest than I’d ever seen. Along with the top she was wearing a pair of jeans that hugged contours on her lower body I never knew she’d had. I was ogling for a second too long and had to snap myself out of it. 

Her head was down a little, looking for me to say something. I stuttered for a moment before speaking.

“Wow, you look incredible! What lucky guy gets to go out with you tonight?” I said with an awkward chuckle.

She had this incredibly cute but shy and untamable smile on her face and could barely keep eye contact with me.

“Kevin, don’t be silly…” she giggled. “So are we going or what?”

I was still taken aback by how incredible and different she looked. As she turned around and walked into the hallway, I couldn’t help but check out her butt, which looked so perfectly round and inviting. I realized that in all the years we’d lived together, I’d never actually seen her in clothes that showed off that part of her body in any revealing capacity.

Unfortunately, while I reveled in the beautifully voluptuous view, lost in my wandering thoughts, I failed to realize how long I’d been staring. When I finally broke from my spellbound state, my eyes trailed up her back and to her eyes, which were already locked on mine. She had this sly smirk on her face.

“Hey, I’m up here.” She said with a smile.

I chuckled nervously and tried desperately to cover my tracks.

“Uh, I didn’t know you had that brand of jeans. I was trying to read the label. Are those—“

“Yeah, I’ve had these for awhile, but this is only, like, the third time I’ve worn them.” She giggled.

We finally got out of the house and had a pleasant drive to the restaurant. I had this bizarre sensation as we drove to the restaurant, the same type of dwelling nervousness in my gut that was reserved for when I’d go on a date with a girl, which wasn’t often, so the feeling was quickly identified. A conflict welled up within me. “How could I be nervous? This is Katie. My sister!”

But the guy in me could only see the unbearably cute girl sitting next to me, decked out like she was just trying to torture me.

We got to the restaurant, which was pretty nice. We were seated after only a few minutes of waiting, which was a surprise.

After a few minutes of sitting at the table, we both realized how awkward the situation was and were both short on words. We exchanged a few nervous glances, like 14 year olds on a first date, until Katie broke the ice.

“This is a nice place, isn’t it? Fancy.” She whispered.

“I know.” I whispered back. 

We whispered to each other as if we were afraid someone would hear us. Having broken the ice, though, we both smiled at each other, almost laughing at the absurdity of the awkwardness of just a few minutes ago.

“You know, this is so weird. I feel like I’m on a date.” She said coyly, her head down, but eyes looking up me.

“I know. It’s weird, isn’t it?”

“Yeah, but a good weird.” She retorted.

We both smiled.

“I’m sorry for staring earlier, when we were at the house. I’ve just never seen you like this. Dressed up, you know? You look so… different.”

“Different, as in good different?”

I nervously exhaled and smiled. “Yeah, really good different. I just… You’re really cute when you want to be. It just caught me off-guard is all. I mean, you’re always cute, you’re just cute in a different way when you’re dressed up.”

“Thanks. I’d say the same to you but you actually dress up from time to time, unlike me, and you’re always cute.” She chuckled.

Another awkward silence, until she broke the ice again.

“I just haven’t had much reason to dress up before, you know?” she said.

I replied. “Well, if you’re enjoying being out with me, maybe we can do this more often and you can dress up more.”

She smiled. “Yeah, I’d definitely like to do this more if it’s ok with you. Well, only if you don’t stare at my butt so much next time…”

I almost swallowed my tongue. I did, however, choke on my ice water a little. She giggled at my stammering.

Dinner was great. It was basically a date with Katie and me. I felt so conflicted. So many times during the night I had to look across the table and the most beautiful girl, inside and out, that I’d ever known and had to remind myself who she was and that any feelings I had that were beyond innocent, brotherly ones were out of place and clearly misread. They had to be. How could I actually foster romantic feelings for Katie? 

But then the other half of me couldn’t help but look at Katie, and see the beauty in those eyes and what lie behind those eyes and feel something. She was basically my perfect woman. Physically, God couldn’t have built a woman more complementary to what I found attractive: those beautifully dark eyes, the shape of them, her button nose, her lips, the style of her hair, her perfectly curvaceous body.