Avasa (Part II)

I must have cried myself to sleep. I open my eyes. My parents are sitting on my bed. Saima is sitting in the corner. She looks scared.

The picture is not in my hands any more.

My head is a little groggy. It takes me a minute to put two and two together.

"What is this, Nadya?" asks my father, waving the picture at me.

"That's my girlfriend," I say quietly.

My mother's face has become an 'O'. She gasps.

My father is trying to contain himself. "So...just to make sure we've got this right...you've been in a relationship with a woman."

"Yes, Papa."

"Why?"

"Because I'm gay."

"What?"

"I'm a lesbian, Papa."

"There's no such thing in our culture."

I roll my eyes. "I *think* I'm a case in point." I get off my bed and head for the bathroom. My father blocks my way. "Can I wash my face, please?"

He looks at me angrily. Before I know it I feel something hard hit my face. I realize that he just slapped me. He has never hit me before. He is shaking with rage.

"Don't hit her!" yells my mother.

"You shut up," he tells her gruffly. "She's disgraced the family. What will we ever do if this gets out? We will be ruined. Saima will not get married because of *you*, Nadya. If you don't care about us, care about *her*."

My parents are so clueless. Saima would gladly stay unmarried until grad school.

"Papa, I can't change. I was born this way."

My mother has started crying softly. My father is looking at me like I've lost my mind.

He stares at me. I can feel my knees give way. "Fine. If you're going to be that way, you'll just have to stay here. In this house. You're not going anywhere."

******

"Avi, it's over."

I can't believe I'm actually saying these words. It has been almost three months since I last saw Avi. Time doesn't heal anything...time just makes the wounds deeper. I don't remember a single second of any day where I have not missed her. I cannot make her wait any longer.

There is a long silence at the other end of the line.

"Why?" she asks finally.

"Because I can't deal with this. I can't deal with putting my family through this. They've done a lot for me, you know."

"And me? What about me? And the band? Don't we mean anything to you?"

"Avi." I take a deep breath, and try to control my emotions. "I'm sorry. But I can't do anything about it. My parents know about us. If they find you, they will have you arrested or something. Trust me...it's better this way."

"What happened to the girl I fell in love with?" I can hear the pain in her voice. "The one who wanted to fight? The one who solved problems resolutely?"

"She gave up," I say dismally.

"Nadya, you can't give up so soon. I thought we had something real."

"You're speaking in the past tense."

"Because *you're* making it sound like that!" She's raising her voice now.

"I don't have a choice."

"Yes, you do!" she says. "Don't you remember our concerts? When you sang, 'We are born with a chance! Now I'm gonna have my chance!' Don't you want your chance?"

"It's not going to happen, Avi," I say in a dull voice.

"Listen to me, Nadya. Just listen. I want you. I love you. I would do anything for you. Do you hear me? I would break *every* single bone in my body if it would make you happy. Why are you throwing all of that away?"

We are both crying.

"Avi, my hands are tied," I sob. "My family is not going to let me leave. Rumours are flying. I have to stay here. For my parents' sake. Their social status is being jeopardized. Their reputation. I can't come back." I pause and hold back my tears. "We can't be together any more. It's too hard."

There is a long silence. I steady my voice. "I'm serious, Avi. No arguments. Go back to Michigan. It's over."

I hear her crying softly. I know she believes me. And then a click. The line has gone dead.

******

It's Friday night. I've just come home after some shopping. My parents have left town for the weekend, and Saima is out with her friends. I don't mind. I've become very anti-social. I just want to think about Avi in solitude.

I am sitting down glumly on the couch and watching TV. The doorbell rings. Probably Saima coming back. I open the door.

It's Yasir.

"What do you want?" I snap.

"Easy, Nadya," he says. "I just thought I'd drop by to see you."

"What for?"

He grins at me evilly. "We've heard. About you and your...shall we say...rambunctious lifestyle in Mumbai."

"What are you talking about?" I say. "And who the hell is 'we'?"

"My friends and I."

I notice for the first time that three other guys are leaning against his car.

"Yasir, what the hell is going on?" I'm trying not to show him that I'm scared.

"Well, I thought maybe we could come over and get a taste."

"Well, that won't be necessary," I retort. "There's nothing here for you. Get lost. Or believe me I will tell my parents."

"Do you really think they're going to believe anything you say now?"

"Fuck you."

"Yeah, baby," he says, staring at me lustfully. "Talk dirty. I like that."

"Get out of my house, NOW." I start pushing him away, but he's too strong for me.

He and his friends move in. I think I've started crying. Pathetic, I know.

"Leave me alone," I say, tears streaming down my face. "Don't you dare touch me."

Yasir grabs me. I start screaming and hitting and kicking him as hard as I can. I claw at his face and jam my elbow in his stomach.

"This bitch has too much spunk," he groans to his friends. "Fucking tie and gag her already." He looks at me. "This is for disgracing the family, you whore."

I don't know what's happening next. It's as if my mind is trying to ignore it. I think I'm being tied to a bed. I think I'm trying to scream, but no sound is coming out. I think I'm going to pass out soon. And then pain...just pain...and darkness.

I'm sure that I am murmuring Avi's name the entire time, hoping that she will come for me. I've closed my eyes.

I open my eyes after what seems like an eternity. The pain is still there. I see Saima looking down at me. I can see Mohan. I see Avi's face, looking concerned. Where am I? I look around, trying to gather my bearings. I see drab green walls. I think I'm in a hospital.

"What...?" I begin.

"Shhh," I hear Avi's voice. I feel her soft lips press against my forehead. I feel her holding my hand. I want to tell her how much I've missed her. "Go to sleep. We'll talk later."

"Don't leave me," I murmur.

"I'm right here."

I hear some talk between the three of them. But I'm too tired to understand anything.