Avasa (Part II)

I didn't even get to kiss Avi goodbye. I just called her up to tell her I had to leave for a month. I promised that I would be back and that we would live together. She told me she loved me. Before I could tell her the same, my parents came into my hotel room, so I had to settle for just saying, "Take care."

The family...oh, God, I'd forgotten how huge my family is. I must have a hundred cousins, at least. Toss in the aunts and uncles, and you've got yourself a par-tay.

As soon as I get back, I'm informed that there are three weddings in the family coming up soon. My family wants me to stay at least one more month so that I can attend all the weddings. I grudgingly agree.

But the interesting thing is, I get all dressed up in cultural garb -- you know, ghararas and saris -- and I find myself actually having fun. The singing and dancing, the food -- I really love it all. For a while, I even let myself forget that I'm leading a double life. That I've got a girlfriend waiting for me in Mumbai.

Yet, I can *feel* that I'm being checked out at the weddings. You know, by mothers looking for prospective wives for their sons. They are all telling me that I look terrific and that I am going to make someone the luckiest man in the world some day.

It feels like such a meat market atmosphere. I hate it. But this is the way things are here.

I miss Avi.

I've called her a few times, but I don't get a moment's privacy, with my cousins and relatives frolicking all over the place.

"I'm sick of this," I complain to Saima, who's also home on her semester break. "I want to go back to Mumbai. I hate leaving Avi alone."

"Well, what did you expect, Nadya?" asks Saima. "This was bound to happen some day."

"I know, but I just want to get the hell out of here. I want to see her again."

Saima gets serious. "You know...I feel bad for her. Avi. She probably had no clue this was coming. Why didn't you prep her?"

She's right. I feel a pang of guilt. "Well, I was so caught up in my own dream world, I completely forgot about this."

She shakes her head. "I don't know how you're going to manage this."

"So what should I do, Saima?" I say, getting disconcerted. "Just end it? Tell her to leave?"

"Maybe."

"What is the matter with you?" I'm shocked at the suggestion. "I can't do that. I'm in love with her."

"And what about her?" asks Saima. "Aren't you setting her up? What if things don't work out? She's going to be hurt and lonely and broken. And it'll be your fault."

"Things will work out."

"Yeah, I'm sure." Saima looks away. "I hope you know, Tehmina Auntie is talking about you to our parents. I mean, about getting you engaged to her son."

"To Yasir?" I grimace. "YUCK! I wouldn't marry him if I were straight. He's so...borrrring. Not to mention he's one of those selectively-religious people. 'Let me use religion whenever it's convenient for me.' He's a fucking moron. And an asshole to boot."

"Stop missing the point."

"I won't agree to it," I say. "I'll just fend off proposals."

"Nadya, for how long?"

"What's my other option, Saima? That I get married? That I be miserable and make my husband miserable?"

"How do you know you'll be miserable?"

"You know, I'm beginning to think you've never actually believed that I'm lesbian."

"Well, I don't know...maybe you *can* live a heterosexual lifestyle...I think you've been too hasty to rule it out."

"Saima!" I nearly start yelling. "I'm GAY. G-A-Y. Gay. That means, I like girls. I do NOT get attracted to boys. How else am I supposed to convince you?"

She sighs. "Well, then, I don't know what you're going to do."

"Thanks for the vote of confidence," I sneer.

"Naaadya!" I hear my mother calling me. "Come here, meet your cousin Yasir. Remember him?"

Oh, GAWD.

******

"Come back, Nadya," Avi is insistent over the phone.

"Believe me, I don't want to stay here," I say. "But there are so many goddamned weddings. It's like all everyone wants to do is eat and get married and have babies."

"I miss you, Nadya."

"I know." My heart breaks for her. "I miss you so much."

"But you've got your family to keep you preoccupied. I'm all alone here."

"I'm so sorry, Avi. You don't know how much I'm dying to see you...and to touch you..."

"Babe, just promise me you'll be back soon."

"I will, I will. I love--"

I hear the shuffling of feet behind me. I turn around to see Yasir standing there, looking horrified.

Fuck.

I hang up the phone.

"Do you have a boyfriend?" he asks.

"That's none of your business, Yasir," I answer evenly.

"Excuse me?" he yells. "We're supposed to be getting engaged, do you know that?"

"Says who?" I scoff. I get up and look him in the eye. "Have I said yes yet? Have I given you the go-ahead? Don't flatter yourself."

My mother enters the room. "Oh, look at you two chitchatting," she cooes.

I think my head is going to explode because of all the stupidity around me. What, does everyone have the I.Q. of a dinosaur here?

Yasir smiles his "nice-boy" smile at her. I want to slap him.

"You make such a nice jori," she continues. Mom, STOP!

"Uh, yeah, well," I say. "I've gotta go. I promised Saima I'd take her out for ice-cream."

"Okay, beta," she says. "Don't stay out too late."

Yeah, yeah. Just get me the hell out of here.

******

"Papa, I can see what's happening here." I face my father at the lunch table. For once, it is just our immediate family. Our cousins are spending the night at someone else's house.

"What?" he asks, not shifting his gaze from the newspaper.

"You're just trying to coax me to stay a little bit longer each day. And you're hoping that I ultimately get married and stay here."

"Not at all, beta." What a lie.

"Papa, please don't lie to me. I know what you're trying to do here. I've kept my end of the deal, in fact, I've kept more than my end. It's been two months. I'm going back to Mumbai. I'm going to lose my job if you don't let me go back."

"You have an excellent resume," says my father. "You can get a job anywhere you want."

"Papa, this is my career we're talking about," I say, nudging Saima to join in my defense.

"Uh, yeah," she says. "Yeah. Papa, she has to go back. She's got a great job in Mumbai."

"You stay out of this, Saima. Nadya knows why she has to stay."

"Excuse me?" I ask.

"Well, it's no secret, beta," says my father. My mother is silent. I suspect something's up.

"What are you talking about?"

"Yasir told us. About that phone call. You obviously have some love interest in Mumbai." That weasel.

"So what if I do?"

My father looks at me severely. "Well, first of all, you went behind my back. That's mistake number one. Second, you've been calling him from here without telling us. Mistake number two. And third, you've obviously had some kind of physical relationship with him. Big, big mistake." He looks back at the paper. His voice is getting quieter, the way it does when he is angry. "How ungrateful are you? After all we've done for you? Scraped together the cash to put you through college? Don't you care at all about the family's reputation?"

I'm flabbergasted. I don't know what to say to this. "What are you going to do?" I ask, somewhat meekly.

"You will stay here, Nadya, where I can keep an eye on you."

"That's not fair. This is my life."

"That's where you're wrong," he says. "Stop being so selfish. So many people care about you so much. They want to see you happy. You might hate us now, but you will thank us later. You will know that this is for your own good."

Arguing with him is futile. The years have taught me that much. Tradition is tradition, and no-one is allowed to question it.

I get up without a word and go to my room. I take out a picture of myself and Avi. She's got her arms around me and is giving me a big kiss on the cheek. I stare at the picture. I let myself cry.