Avasa (Part II)

The weekend has come and gone. I've found myself to be a more prolific songwriter than I had expected. I'd written a few songs before, but never with the kind of passion that I have now. I suspect Avi has had something to do with unleashing my inner rage. I feel freer than I ever did before.

Since then, we've even done a few small concerts here and there. Usually in people's garages, occasionally in a rented auditorium. We can fill a room with maybe a couple of hundred people. Some of our fans are gay teenagers, since we've been doing covers of gay bands. It's been nice to find other lesbians, many of whom we've privately taken into confidence.

We've made it clear that we're not out for fame and fortune. Any money we've made, we've donated to charity. I bought books for an orphanage we're supporting...good books, I thought, books that might help kids get enlightened as well as educated.

The feedback has been encouraging, but I want to increase our fanbase.

"I'm tired of passive aggression," I tell my band mates, as we pack up at the end of a practice session in Avi's basement.

Avi looks proud of herself, knowing she's had a lot to do with this change.

I ignore her. "Let's do a bigger concert in my college. We want to keep it slightly restrictive, because our content is too controversial. So invite-only, and student-only. We pick the colleges we want to invite."

"We'll need sponsors," says Nandini. "Samir's older brother has a business. I'm sure he can help us."

"I can design the posters," says Debbie. "And my father works for a publishing company. I can probably get tickets printed out, too."

"Fabulous," says Avi. "But when do we do it?"

"Holi," I say immediately. "It's coming up. We'll do the concert the night of the college festival." Holi is one of India's most loved cultural events. It's a harvest celebration marking the climax of spring. People get dressed in white, and throw colored powder at one another.

Debbie snaps her fingers. "That's perfect."

"Uhh, except we have about four weeks to prepare," says Nandini. "I think we've got our work cut out for us."

"I'll have to talk to the college admin," I groan.

"Nadya?" says Avi. "Do NOT give them a heads-up about some of the content. Just mention that we have a political agenda centering on humanism and feminism. You show them any of the actual lyrics or spoken word material, and this ends right now."

"I know that!" I snap.

"No, you're tempted to be the goody-goody that you inevitably are," she says. "I know you too well. You'll have to learn to take a risk."

"Hey, this was *my* idea, okay?" I snarl. "I'm the brains behind this operation. You -- you can stick to being the brawn and just lug the equipment around, okay?"

"Ooh, ouch," she says, pretending to be insulted.

"Face it, Avi, *I'm* the resident academic," I scoff.

"Stop being so condescending," says Avi, derisively. She beckons me with her finger. "C'mere. I'll give you a good fuck and then we'll see if you can still talk like that."

"Girls!" interjects Debbie, taken aback. "I know you're dykes, but you can still be ladies!"

"I think we're shocking the liberal straight girls," I grin.

"Well, the overt sexual innuendos are always entertaining," says Nandini, "but I will never understand your relationship."

"It's tough love," laughs Debbie.

******

It is the night before the concert. I go inside Avi's house from the backdoor. I can hear arguing coming from the dimly lit dining room. I get closer and see Arjun and Avi sitting at the table. I stop at the door and listen.

"Avi, I want you to go back to Michigan with me," Arjun is saying.

"I can't, Bhai. I need her."

"Bring Nadya with you," he says. "We can all move there."

"You know that's stupid. She doesn't have citizenship, and it's hard to get it."

"We can work that out."

"She doesn't want to leave India. Why don't you get that?"

Arjun seems frustrated. "Avi, how long do you two think you can live here? Two years? Three years, tops? Eventually someone's going to find out, and then there will be trouble. Get out of here before that happens."

"Bhai, I told you. She doesn't want to go. And I'll go wherever she goes."

"For God's sake, be reasonable, Avi," says Arjun. "I adore Nadya, okay? But your objectivity has gone to hell because of your love for her. She's dragging herself down, and she's going to drag you down with her."

"That's *enough*, Bhai," says Avi, enraged. "I don't think you understand. This is a woman who wants to change things. She doesn't run away from problems, she *faces* them. And I don't know about you, but I'm tired of running away from my problems. I've been doing that since we left India. Dragging me down? She makes me want to be a better woman. And that's worth more to me than any stupid gay pride parade that I can't have here."

I'm a little stunned.

"You're being shortsighted."

"Bhai, my decision is final. I'm staying here with Nadya. That's it."

"Have it your way." Arjun gets up and leaves the room from the other door. He doesn't see me.

She puts her head down on the table. For the longest time, I stand in the doorway behind Avi, staring at the back of her head. I want to stroke her hair, but instead I breathe the moment in and let it sear into my memory.

She realizes she's being watched and turns around to see me. She smiles.

"How long have you been standing there?" she asks.

"Long enough," I manage to answer, my voice ringing with emotion.

She gets up and walks to the doorway. I can't hold back the tears any longer. She puts her arms around me and lets me cry into her neck.

"I love you, Nadya," she whispers.

"I know," I sob quietly. "I wish you didn't."

"Don't say that."

"Arjun's right. I've totally made your life impossible."

"Sweetheart," she says. "For the first time, I feel like I'm *living*." She lifts up my chin and kisses my lips softly. She lets her lips run all over my face -- over my nose, eyes, cheeks, earlobes and chin.

"Avi, I'm scared."

She envelopes me in a tight bear-hug. "Don't be. I'm with you. And I have faith in us."