Undercover Rock

Jamey moved quietly through the abandoned halls, making her way up to the main theater floor. Enrolling as a drama major had not only been an obvious choice for someone who spent their entire day pretending to be someone else, but it also provided a few perks.

First, there was the access to the old theater. Once a highlight of the campus, Chapman Hall had been replaced by a new, more modern facility; relegating the once proud old stage to the occasional community play or local high school performance. It was not the cleanest of places in which to hang out but Jamey had found the infrequently used building a great place to escape, and the dressing area and showers beneath the stage, almost too good to be true.

Second, and maybe most important in pulling off this masquerade, was that being a drama major gave Jamey a little more freedom to be feminine. Many of the guys in her classes were openly gay, but even several of those who weren’t gay were certainly more dramatic in their actions. Lots of them were interested in fashion, decorating and shopping. There was a general interest in everything celebrity and the trashy tabloid headlines that lined supermarket checkouts. Certainly Jamey’s effeminate looks and characteristics were not entirely out of place among this eclectic group of want-to-be actors.

It was dark along the back of the stage and Jamey’s eyes had not yet adjusted from the minimal lighting of the basement corridors. Several heavy stage curtains hung from the rafters, overlapping to create a sort of maze. As Jamey creped her way through the darkened mess, she caught her leg on one of the folds in the curtains and lost her balance, grabbing and pulling a red velour curtain down on top of her. She silently cursed herself for making so much noise. Maybe if she just remained there perfectly still whoever it was would go away. Then from under the curtain she heard a voice.

“Jamey, is that you?”

Oh, shit! It’s Kip. Just be cool, just be cool. Jamey adopted her slightly lower guy-voice. “Ah, yeah, I’m here. I’m sort of under this curtain.”

After a little struggle, Jamey dug her way out of the tangled fabric. What the hell was Kip doing here? Did he know? Had he been following her? It was very dark here at the back of the stage and Jamey could sense that Kip was uneasy. Was he nervous about confronting her? A single streak of light was crossing his face and she could see that he was biting his lower lip like he always did when he was debating telling her something personal. It was such a cute affectation and Jamey found herself staring as the tip of his tongue snaked out to wet his lips. Damn he looked good. She knew she should be scared of this conversation but all Jamey could think was that she was so horny she felt like she would explode. She was fantasizing about other places for his lips and tongue when Kip interrupted her thoughts.

“What are you doing back here? I thought your drama class met at The Convo.”

“Oh, it does,” Jamey said. She had a prepared answer in case she was ever caught here. “Professor Lipton divided us into small production teams and is giving us class projects. I’ve been scouting this place out as a possible set for my team’s short film but it’s such a mess I can’t judge it. So I’ve been spending some time tidying up.” Tidying! Did she just say “tidying”? Shit, no wonder he figured it out. How could she think this would ever work?

“Why is your hair all wet?

Oh, shit. “Sweat, I guess. It gets hot back here.” She knew he wasn’t buying all this and she could sense that he was struggling to find the right way to tell her something. Of course, she was pretty sure she knew what it was. Fuck, he knew! Somehow he knew and he was going to expose her.

They spent a few minutes talking about nothing as Jamey pretended to fold the fallen curtain. She was about to ask what he was doing here when Kip finally got around to what was on his mind.

“Jamey, we need to talk.”

“Do you want to go back to the room?

“No, this is better. It’s dark here. I think I need the darkness right now.”

Okay, this was it. Jamey just hoped that Kip wouldn’t be too mad at her. She had sometimes thought that maybe they could stay friends after this all came out; perhaps even more than friends.

“Alright, Kip. Listen . . .” she started to say.

“No, Jamey. Let me talk.” Kip took a deep breath. “You see, I’m not . . . at least I’ve never been . . . I just didn’t think . . . Oh, fuck it, Jamey. I’m not gay!”

“What?” Jamey was truly confused as she tried to make some kind of sense out of what Kip has said. She thought for sure this was about her being a her. What the hell was he talking about?

“Just shut up and let me do this. I’ve been building up the courage to say this for weeks and now that I’ve started, I’m damn sure going to finish.” After another deep breath Kip repeated, “I’m not gay. I’ve never been with a guy, I swear. I’ve never been even remotely attracted to a guy. Shit, I’m not even all that comfortable around gay guys.”

Jamey was starting to get where this was going. Kip didn’t know she was a girl. Kip thought she was a gay; a gay man. He was uncomfortable rooming with a homosexual. Of course, it was just random chance that Kip and Jamey had become roommates in the first place.

Kip’s roommate of the past two years had graduated last semester. Since it was the middle of the school year, everyone else already had a roommate. Not really wanting to room alone, Kip had accepted a transfer student to finish out the year: Jamey.

Of course, it all made perfect sense. What hadn’t she seen that before? He always seemed to get nervous when they talked about personal stuff. Jamey had seen him with lots of different girls since the start of the semester and he could be counted on to not return to their room about once every couple of weeks but Kip didn’t talk much about his sexual conquests. And he rarely seemed interested in the past love life that she made up to fit her fabricated back-story. Wow, what a relief it would be for him when she told him that his roommate was not gay after all. Hell, no wonder he never felt comfortable being naked in front of her.

“Kip, it’s okay. I’m not . . .”

“Damn it, Jamey! Let me say this before I lose my mind.” He stopped and stared at her. They were each only visible through shafts of light that hit randomly on the shadowed stage. From the darkness Kip said, “Jamey, I’m really attracted to you.” Jamey’s heart stopped. “Oh fuck, there I said it!”

Thank god for the dark. Jamey was in shock. But she was also excited and relieved and ecstatic and horny and head-over-heels attracted to him, too. Then she caught a glimpse of the pained look on Kip’s face and she suddenly remembered that he was talking to Jamey the guy, not Jamey the girl. Oh, poor Kip.

“Since the first time I saw you,” Kip continued. “I kept writing it off and pushing it to the back of my mind. I’ve never felt like this for a dude. I play ball with a bunch of the guys that all the girls are hot for. I shower with them. Nothing. I’m not gay! If I was gay wouldn’t I be at least a little aroused by showering with a dozen naked men? I don’t have any desire to be with any of them.”

Oh, poor, poor Kip.

“But you! I kept telling myself it was just because I could talk so easily to you. We are so different but we think a lot alike. We became friends so quickly. I don’t share my feelings with guys casually but you make me feel so comfortable. I can talk to you like a guy and then sometimes like a girlfriend, too.”

Oh god, Kip, if you only knew. You make me feel the same way.

“But it’s more than just how we can talk. It’s . . . fuck, it’s physical, too.”

Jamey’s kept her growing excitement hidden in the shadows as Kip struggled though his confession.

“I look for opportunities to sneak a peak at you. I watch where your neck disappears into your sweatshirt when you are studying. I can’t take my eyes off your lips in the dining hall. Right now I can feel your smile and I know that you’re thinking that I’m such a fucking loser but – fuck, let’s just throw it all out there - your smile makes me hard.” Kip shook his head, took a deep breath and continued. “Last week I helped you hang that poster and my hand touched your ass. I spent the next hour in a cold shower just so I could walk to my next class. God, Jamey I’m losing my mind! Oh fuck, I don’t know what to do.”