The Ultimate Cock Ball Torture

I miss my cock. Sometimes. 

I had one once - one of my very own, connected right to me - but now it's gone. Never thought I would miss it.

I'm sure you've guessed by now that I am a full transexual. I had the boob job and started hormone treatment years ago and felt much better as a shemale than as a male. Just being gay I got my share of cock to suck and to be fucked by, but as a shemale I got so much more I couldn't believe it. For the most part I still loved my own cock too, but a year ago I thought it would be the ultimate in kinkiness to go ALL woman and have my cock not just circumsized but cut right the hell off. I thought then I would really get off. cock in the ass, in my mouth, and then in my new custom-built pussy.

I mean what a paradox. I would constantly jerk off my cock because I was going to have my cock cut off. My cock was hard all the time because I was turned on by the thought of the ultimate in cock-ball-torture: No more cock and balls at all!

Being in a liberal country like Canada I had no problem finding a doctor and a place for the boob job and likewise no problem in the cock removal planning. There were several options. I could have the cock cut and reconstructed backwards, inside me, so I would still have a male type orgasm (sometimes) but in reverse. Or, I could lose genital feeling altogether, make another hole for men to fuck but basically get all my pleasure from sucking cocks off and by feeling cocks cum up my ass. 

Then there was the extra twist that helped me make up my mind. By having my cock completely removed (option 2 above), I found a secret place that would stuff my old cock so I could display it as a trophy to my new all-woman triumph. The doctor and hospital couldn't be told my plans. The deal was that I told them I wanted it cut off full and complete, then frozen in case technology ever allowed real cocks to be donated and fully used by transexuals that go from women to men. Cryogenic cock.

All that went well. I went home, healed up quickly, got fucked in my new pussy, got fucked in the ass and mouth, and was pretty happy. Then I went back to the hospital to retrieve my cock from cold storage. It came in a thermos-like container full of liquid nitrogen. They told me not to let the cock fall out or it would smash into a thousand pieces, like the roses you've seen dipped in liquid nitrogen and then smashed with a sledgehammer. Although the thought of smashed cock was kinky too, I was careful and got the cock intact to an underground S&M place in California.

I had to smuggle a frozen cock across the border and then smuggle a stuffed cock back in. But as far as the trophy-quality of work, I was more than satisfied. The clandestine taxidermist made it look wonderful. It's fully erect with a nice trim bush of my natural strawberry blonde hair above it and perfect-looking shaved balls below. It's mounted on an all-gold background so I can hang it over my fireplace like a big game head. There's a place for an inscription but I haven't made up my mind on the exact wording yet, especially since the whole affair has now led me to be, biggest surprise of all, a LESBIAN, and a real man-hating bitch at that.

I mean, I LOVE being with hard core women who would gladly cut off every man's cock because that's what we think they deserve. Actually, I don't know if we all think they deserve that but just that we like to trash the symbol of cock as it represents the unfair male domination in the world.

When did my lesbianism start? Right after I brought my stuffed cock home. Being a girl now (not even 30 yet so still a girl I like to think), I have girl parties for lingerie, tupperware, sometimes both at once. The lingerie parties all wind up having the women change in front of the group and usually there is a strong-willed dyke who gets all the women going down on each other as the frenzy builds. I've seen the sales ladies for the lingerie having the most fun of all. I think many chose their jobs so they could travel around and watch women strip and get sexily dressed, and to them hopefully, sexily undressed.

During one muff diving orgy at my place, one of the more shy women changed in my bedroom and happened across my stuffed cock. We heard a scream and then she came out holding it, asking, "Is this really what I think it is?" Then I had to tell my whole story. Fortunately my women friends are really compassionate and supportive. With them I have found that kissing, tit sucking, pussy licking (of course I have to fake pleasure with my fake pussy being licked) have brought me the feelings of love that I now realize I was always after through kinkier and kinkier sex.

Right now I am really really in love with a woman and she's the first person, male or female, that I have lived with in a romantic way, not like a college room mate or something. She pleasures me by being supportive, kissing better than I have ever been kissed before, and making my tits feel more real every day the way she strokes, sucks, and loves them. I pleasure her in the usual lesbian ways.

Then we snuggle for man-bashing girl talk. My real stuffed cock is now locked in a safety deposit box, but before it went there I had a plaster mold made. Now we make copy after copy of the cock, paint them in seasonal colors, hide them in flower arrangements, all kinds of stuff. And yes, I occasionally use one we have cast in hard rubber as a dildo in her and in my ass (we think we can even make a double headed clone of the cock for you know what).

We also get in our man-hating moods, wine and dine each other, line up many of the plaster copies of the cock and smash the shit out of them. We do this like Star Wars, we have sabre fights, with the cocks eventually being ground to dust. We also have a gay friend that buys copies of the real cock too. I think he uses them in his gay flower shop and other such things, and I don't think he ever smashes one like we do. In fact, he has offered me $10,000 to buy the real stuffed cock.

If I add up all my expenses to get surgically changed from guy to shemale to girl without cock, it is easily $100,000, so I don't think I'm ready to sell yet. But I still need to work on that inscription to be etched on the gold mount. Any ideas out there?