Sian and Tegan: A Love Story Gone Wrong

This is a the most memorable story of my life. It is both happy and sad. It’s my own love story and my own horror story. Whatever kind of story this is. It is my story.

I remember the first time I moved out of my house away from my parents. I was so excited to be on my own. To do whatever it is I wanted. To go wherever I wanted to go. To spend my money how I pleased. I was just excited to be out of there. It’s not like I had horrible parents or anything, it was actually the complete opposite. I was just ready to start the next chapter of my life.

Let me tell you a little bit about myself. My name is Sian. I was about 22 years old and a full time student. I was a music major and I worked 2 jobs just to pull my share of the rent and to save up for student loans. I was just your average run of the mill hipster standing about 5’2, brown hair and blue eyes. Anyways I lived with my 19 year old sister Lexie and her boyfriend Nick. At some point Lexie told me that her friend Tegan is going to move in for a little while. Now Tegan was just your average girl. About 5’4 blonde hair, green eyes. She loved to wear sun dresses. She was hilarious and you couldn’t help but to love her when you first meet her. She was definitely the light of the room.

One night I went to the local bar. I liked to go there from time to time to see the local talent that preformed at night. So there I was sitting at the bar drinking a beer when beside me emerges Tegan. To my surprise she managed to get in and asked the bartender for a beer and sat down next to me. We sat there and chatted until we got too drunk to walk. We called a taxi to take us home. I noticed that while we were in the taxi that she kept touching my hand and my leg. “Can I tell you a secret” she said? I replied with a simple sure. As soon as I replied, she got real close. I could feel her breath against my ear.

She was so close that I could smell her perfume. The closeness between us got me excited in a way that I didn’t understand. “I want to share something with you. Something that I never felt before. And I want to share it with you” Tegan exclaimed. And with that comment, she managed to pass out on my shoulder. I had managed to sober up some. Just enough to carry her up to our apartment.

We haven’t really figured out the sleeping arrangements at that moment so I put her I let her sleep in my bed. I could tell she was a major light weight. She was so gone that I had to change her and tuck her in. for some reason I felt compelled to kiss her. I didn’t want to wake her though so I just said good night. I turned off the lights and head to the living room area and passed out on the sofa.

Morning had come and all went on like nothing had ever happened. I shoved whatever feelings I thought I had aside. Lexie had to work that day along with Nick. It was my only day off so I thought I would show her around since she wasn’t really around from here. We went to the Zoo, the Loop, and all other main attractions around St. Louis. I was just happy we left relatively early otherwise we wouldn’t have time for it all. We had so many moments you could put them in a movie montage. We decided to order some pizza from IMO’S. Since I work there, I get a pretty good discount.

We sat in my room eating and watched The Exorcist. Now it wasn’t my intent to get her scared. She wanted to watch the movie. But she kept grabbing at my arm and hiding in my shoulder. I put my arm around her to assure her that everything would be alright. “Hey Sian. Can I ask you something” she said? “Yeah you can tell me anything. What’s on your mind” I replied? “How do you let someone know that you possibly love them” she said? I didn’t know how to reply. I’ve never been in love before. I just stared at her blankly trying to form words but nothing but air left my mouth. “It’s okay. You can get back to me on that” she said.

She turned off the lights and lay down. As I got up she grabbed my hand and asked me to stay since she was still afraid from the movie. I told her sure and lay down beside her. She put her around me and grabbed my hand. She whispered in my ear “I want to share my secret with you and only you”. I didn’t know what to say so I said nothing at all and slept.

The next day at work I thought about Tegan. I thought about us and how things could be and how people would react. The thing is I never had feelings like this before. At least not for another girl. It’s not what I’m used to. But every moment I spend with her the more I can’t help myself. I gave myself a week to figure out how I was going to deal with this. I was not a lesbian. I was straight. There was no way I could be a lesbian.

“Hey Sian, lets watch a movie in your room. I got a really good one. I think you’ll like it” I could tell she was really excited about the movie she picked. But if it was one thing she was bad at was picking out movies. We sat there and watched the god most awful movie ever made. We laid there on our stomachs sharing a bowl of popcorn. I could feel her close to me. Every now and then she would graze her leg against mine. It sent shivers down my spine. “Hey Tegan. What’s the secret you’ve wanted to share with me” I asked? “I can’t tell you my secret. But I can to show you” she replied. “Then show me” I said.

And with that she leaned over and kissed me ever so gently. It was so sensual. With the lightest of touch, I could feel her tongue gently enter my mouth. We continued to kiss for a moment. I’m not going to lie though. It wasn’t my best reaction. I freaked out. I jumped up and started to stutter out words of disbelief. I told her that I didn’t want this. That it couldn’t happen. That it was wrong. As I said all of this I started to hate myself. I knew I was breaking her heart. I could see the hurt in her eyes. With that happening I left the room, the apartment and went to the bar and got severely hammered. I did everything I could to get her out of my head. I went home with the first appealing guy that showed up and proved me worthy. Even the one night stand did nothing to get Tegan out of my mind though.

The next morning when I got home, I was attacked with questions of what happened. “Tegan left! She went back home. Do you know where she lives? She lives in a shit hole. You did something to make her leave. Now it’s your job to go get her back” Lexie yelled at me. All I said was okay. I hopped in the shower and got cleaned up. And I drove 4 hours to get her back. But not because of my sister, but for me, for her, for us. The entire car ride down to the middle of bum fuck nowhere I thought of what I would say. I didn’t know what to say. I felt like I had to say something though. Anything was better than nothing.

I texted her asking her where she was. To my surprise she texted me back letting me know her location at some motel off route 66. I made my way towards her temporary home. As I parked my car, my stomach dropped. I felt like I was going to be sick. I sat there in the car debating on whether I should go back home or not. I got out and walked towards the motel door. I knocked and waited for about 5 minutes.

When she finally let me in she just stood there and stared at me. I could still see the hurt in her eyes. I could tell she’s been crying. “Have you been crying” I asked? “No. what would give you that idea” she replied? I moved closer to her. With every step I took she would take a step back. “Stop moving” I said. “I don’t understand this. I’ve never done this or felt this. You have to understand that what happened back at the apartment was a reaction to something that I was feeling that I have never felt before. A feeling of want and desire. A feeling of wanting you.

And the feeling of wanting you scared me because I never wanted you before until recently. I’ve never wanted another girl before. It scared me. And it still scares me. You have to forgive me please and understand” I continued to say. She didn’t say anything in return. She just stood there looking at me blankly. “Will you please say something” I said? “I don’t know what to say” she replied. “Just don’t move. I’m going to move closer to you. I have a secret to show you” I said. I moved closer towards her. I moved so close to her that I could see her eyes turn from hurt to fright. I could see she was scared and that she didn’t know what was going to happen. “Don’t be afraid” I told her.

I put one hand on her waist and the other on her cheek. I leaned in and kissed her passionately. I could feel the sparks of electricity between our lips. Our intertwining tongues brought our bodies closer together. My hands went to the bottom of her shirt. I lifted her shirt above her head as our kiss parted and we looked into each other’s eyes. I could see what was in her eyes. I ran my fingers down her flat stomach. I could feel her muscles twitch as my fingertips ran over them. I kissed her softly. She started to take my shirt off. I stopped and watched her. She was so nervous. I could tell, like me that she had never done this before. We were both nervous wrecks. She copied my every move that I did to her on the spot. She stopped her hands on my waist. I looked at her. “We can stop” I said. “No. No. I want to keep going” she replied.

I kissed her neck softly. I could hear her soft whimpers and moans from delight. I squeezed her breasts tightly in my hands. I kissed her down her stomach keeping my hands firmly on her breasts. As soon as I got down to her pants I licked her from her stomach back up to kiss her. My hands were now on her belt. I went back to her neck as I unfastened her belt and started slowly pulling her pants down. “I want you. I want all of you” I told her. “I want you too” she replied. I picked her up and laid her on the bed. I took her bra off and looked at the two most beautiful breasts I had ever seen.

Her nipples were standing up in erect. I crawled on top of her and took her right nipple in my mouth as my hand played and pinched with the other one. My tongue went around in circles around her hard nipple. I sucked on it hard like a baby being fed. I couldn’t get enough of her nipples. I switched to the other one and repeated my previous moves. Doing all of this was really turning me on. I could feel the wetness between my legs. I thought to myself if this is getting me wet it must be getting her as well. I slid a hand down towards her pussy and could feel through her panties that she was wet. I rubbed her softly slowly picking up speed. I looked at her face. Her eyes were shut tight and she wanted to moan out but kept silent. I slid my hand in her panties. I was hesitant at first. I had never fingered a girl before. I didn’t know if it would be good or not.

I decided to continue anyway. Her pussy was hairless. It was so soft and wet. I ran my finger up and down her slit. I hit her clit and she shuddered a bit. I pulled my hand out and stuck my finger in my mouth. She tasted so good. I moved down to her pussy and pulled her panties to the side. Her legs spread apart opened her pussy up to me. I looked at it for a moment. I knelt my head in between her legs and licked her slit from bottom to top and pressed my tongue hard on her clit. She moaned out loud. I licked her pussy for a few moments keeping her lips apart with my fingers and licked slowly savoring her juices in my mouth. And with that I couldn’t take it anymore. I went at her pussy like there was no tomorrow. I ate her fast and switching up the rhythm of my tonguing so she wouldn’t cum. I took her panties off and flipped her on all fours and ate her pussy out from behind.

She moaned out loud. I knew she liked it. “I want to taste you” she exclaimed. I got up and stood at the foot of the bed. She crawled over and she unfastened my belt. She pulled my pants and my panties off in one swipe. She leaned over and she dug her tongue in my pussy. I spread my legs apart so she could get better access. She licked my clit softly. Making little circles over it. I held her head tightly on my pussy. “Don’t stop. Please. Whatever you don’t stop” I said. “You taste a lot better than I thought you would” she said. I pushed her on the bed and sat on her face. Her tongue went back to work on my pussy as my hand slid back to hers and I fingered her.

I slid my finger inside of her. I could feel her pussy get tighter the further I went inside of it. I fucked her continuously with my finger as she licked and sucked on my pussy. I was so much in to it that I started to grind my pussy in her face. I turned around and knelt back down to her pussy and began to suck on her clit as I continued to fuck her with my finger as I added another one inside of her. “Sian. I’m going to cum. I can feel it. I’m going to cum” she yelled. I licked faster and fucked harder wanting her to cum in my mouth. I loved to the taste of her pussy and couldn’t get enough of it.

Just as she came she managed to grab onto my legs and scream. That sent me over the edge and without warning for her I came all over her face. I passed out like that. When I woke up I looked over to see Tegan sitting next to me. “I can’t process what just happened” she said. “I know. You want to do it again” I asked? I hoped on top of her and slid on leg under hers and one leg over hers.it made our pussies line touch. I started to hump and grind my pussy into hers. She became wet instantly along with mine. She leaned over and kissed my neck. We began to sweat and started panting and moaning.

Out of nowhere we both came at once. “I love Sian” she said. I looked at her and didn’t say anything. I got up off of her and hoped in the shower. “We have to go back to the apartment Tegan. Lexie is waiting for the both of us to come back. So pack your stuff and let’s get the show on the road” I yelled from the shower. “I can’t. I have to stay here” she said. “Why” I replied? “Because I can’t go back. Not after all of this. Just stay here with me. Please” she said. I turned off the shower head and walked out. I didn’t know what to say. I knew in my head that I had to go back. I just looked into her eyes and I saw the same look in them as I did when I saw them change from hurt to fright. I knew something was wrong and that I should stay. So that’s what I did. I stayed. I stayed for her.

The next week to come was the hardest for me. I could Tegan’s attitude slowly changing. It frightened me. Yet I couldn’t leave her. She wanted to stay. At night we would fuck like crazy. I knew she loved me and I wanted her to. I still didn’t know if I loved her back but I knew I wanted her to love me. At night I would hear her crying in the bathroom. I wondered in my head what it all meant. I never confronted her about it. I just sat and wondered what was wrong. She would act like it never happened. One night I found her passed out in the bathroom. She looked sick.

I got undress and undressed her and took her to the shower. I washed her off and kissed her. “You okay? You look like you’re about to die or something” I said. She didn’t answer me. She just looked deep into my eyes and kissed me passionately. Her hand slid down to my pussy and started to finger me. I moaned. “You like it when I fuck your tight little pussy” she said? I didn’t know what had gotten over her. She was a completely different person to me. “I want to fuck that tight little cunt of yours to you can’t stand any more” she continued on. I pushed her away. “Why you acting like this” I asked? “Like what” she then added? “Like a fucking idiot. Why do you have to be like this? What we have isn’t fucking. It isn’t just sex. It’s something much more” I said.

“What is it then? What is it love” she said? I looked at her in disbelief. I walked out of the shower and got dressed. I grabbed my things and walked out of the door. She followed behind me and I didn’t know if she forgot to wrap a towel around her or if she just didn’t care. “What the fuck are you doing” she yelled out? “I’m leaving and for God’s sake put some fucking clothes on” I yelled back out at her. “You leave and you’ll regret it” she said. I didn’t listen to her. I got in my car and left. I made it about 10 minutes and turned around. I raced back to her. How could I be so fucking stupid? How could I leave her? She is so messed up right now and I just fucking left her there.

I ran into the room screaming out her name. I didn’t hear a response. Not the response I wanted to hear anyways. All I heard was a crash. The crash scared me so much that I leaped in fear. I was afraid to go towards the bathroom where the crash came from. I started to cry thinking about what could possibly have happened. “Tegan? Are you alright? Tegan answer me. God dammit Tegan answer me” I yelled out. I could hear sobs coming from the bathroom. I walked over towards the door and opened it. I saw Tegan lying on the bathroom floor with her wrists bleeding.

She had cut herself so deep. I ran over to her and tried to stop the bleeding but nothing was working. “Why Tegan? Why did you do this to yourself” I asked? “How do you let someone know that you possibly love them” she said. “Remember the first night we got together? Remember how we were both so scared because neither of us knew what we were doing? I took things slow and you took things slow. And everything felt right. That’s how you let someone know you love them. You show them you care. You let them in” I said in between sobs and tears. “Why did you do this” I continued to say? “Because I love you” she said. “Will you please stay with me” she continued?

She grabbed my hand and I could feel something on the inside of our palms. I could feel her getting colder in my arms as she lied there dying. I cried silently thinking of how this happened. Of how she felt. Of what she was possibly thinking when she decided it was her time to die. I looked over at her. I knew she was gone. You know what’s funny though that in the movies after someone dies they looked peaceful. Well that’s a load of shit. She didn’t look peaceful. I let go of her hand and looked at what she had. It was her suicidal note.

“There was just a part of me that just wanted to lie back in my bed, close my eyes, and find myself waking up to another chance. I try to be real but I don’t even think I know who the real me is anymore. I tell myself that tomorrow holds better days but it just never really happens. I like to pretend that everything is alright because when everybody else thinks you’re fine, sometimes you forget for a while that you’re not.

I’ve changed so much lately. Every single day I wake up different. I feel like I’m fading with each step. All everyone else sees are smiles. They say I’m doing much better. I know I’m doing much worse. When I look at you my heart skips a beat but later that beat could mean a lifetime of tears wasted on something I knew I could never have. It’s hard to tell your mind to stop loving someone if your heart still does. I knew things would never work out because, well, they never do. I know in reality we can't be together, so I just close my eyes and you're right here with me... in my dreams you're mine forever.”

It’s all I have left of her. Our memories and this note. She was and is still my only love. There’s not a day that doesn’t go by that I don’t think of her and what we could have been. We could have been great.