P.I.T.A. (Pain In The Ass)

My sister-in-law, Laura, married my brother, Jeff, after a relationship that lasted seven years. Not once, in that whole time, did Laura introduce him to her family. We all thought it was odd but we're a pretty non-judgemental bunch, so we just enjoyed Laura's company and figured she'd tell us about her family when she was good and ready.

About three months after the wedding - which her mother didn't attend - Laura arranged to have her Mom join us for a week at my vacation cabin in the Columbia Valley wine country. It's situated on a small lake and has a hot tub and four bedrooms, two on wings at either side of the cabin. I put myself into my usual bedroom and Jeff and Laura into the one next door. I gave Mom the farthest room on the other end of the house.

Sandy is a nautral blonde, about 5'5" tall, and, at fifty, still has a body that would stop traffic: long, tanned legs, big, perky tits, and an ass that she displayed openly and often, in some very short shorts. She also had maybe the worst, most caustic mouth on her of any humen being I had ever met. She was three years divorced from her second husband - Laura's step-dad - and rattled on and on about what shits men are and how none of us can be trusted, and how men always abandon everyone they love. I could tell that Jeff was getting annoyed but I urged him not to say anything, which he barely managed and then only with gritted teeth.

She also found fault with everything about the cabin and its beautiful aurroundings. To her, the lake was a breeding ground for mosquitos, the grapevines bred dangerous bees, the sunshine was an invitation to melanoma, my cooking was barely better than Waffle House swill...and on and on for four solid days.

On the Thursday of the week, Jeff and Laura finally caved, fleeing after breakfast to Yakima, ostensibly for groceries but I knew they had both had it.

Sandy came down about 9:30, cranky and out of sorts, bitching about the crickets and owls keeping her awake. I jokingly asked if she'd like for me to go out and shoot the owls and that set her off. She called me a few choice names and was visibly irritated when I refused to rise to the bait. For my part, if she had been a bit less over the top, I would have tried to make her happier but it was so extreme that I had to laugh, the last thing she was prepared to accept.

I had been checking out her tits and ass all week and had masturbated over her on Tuesday night, so I was maybe more benevolent to her than I might have been. But she was spoiling for a spat and slammed her plate into the sink when I just smiled through her tirade.

"Some fucking host you are!" she snapped, "You haven't lifted a finger to address anything that's bothering me!"

"Sandy," I chuckled, "There's so much that's bothering you that I wouldn't have time to do more than scratch the surface."

"Typical man," she grumped, "Make this my fault."

"This IS your fault," I sighed, "You're easily - easily - the most graceless, irrational, boorish house guest anybody has ever seen. This isn't the Four Seasons. This is my house. You have a bedroom, three meals a day, a lovely setting, and - more importantly - your daughter and new son-in-law with you...but do you take the opportunity to enjoy her company? Their company? No. You piss and moan and make it perfectly clear that you'd rather be anywhere else. So, okay...if you'll cut the shit and agree to enjoy some quality time with your daughter, here's how I'll accomodate you: I'll sacrifice my own vacation and the de facto honeymoon of your daughter and her husband and get rooms for Jeff and me at the Horse Heaven Inn. We'll remove our loathsome male presence and you can be alone with your daughter. Obviously, you hate men and I'm too much of a gentleman to fight about and, frankly, I'm sick of your crap. So, we'll go into Prosser and leave you girls alone for the week. But only if you agree not to make her life the kind of living hell you've made all of ours. Deal?"

"What kind of fucking deal is that?" sshe shouted, "You wanna make me the bad guy? I'M going to be the one you all blame for ruining your vacation?"

"You did that, Sandy," I said quietly, "Nobody else is bitching and complaining here. Just you. We're all TRYING to have a good time. You're the one who's miserable. So, what about it? Should I call the Inn?"

"Well, why don't I just remove my loathsome presence?" she screeched, "Since I'm ruining your precious vacations, I'll just pack my shit and head on home. Deal?"

"That's up to you," I shrugged, "But I'm telling you this: If you stay here with us, you WILL shut up, grow up, and be there for your daughter. You can ignore Jeff and me if you want but this shit's over as of right now. Now, you do whatever you want. I'm going fishing."

I got up and went out onto the porch. I heard her stomp upstairs and heard doors slam. As I stood there, I tried to imagine what could prompt someone who's obviously not stupid to behave that way. Was it the divorce? I was a wreck after mine; might have, in fact, rivalled Sandy for sheer grumpiness for a good four years after. Laura told me she hadn't been dating. Shit, could it be that simple?

I was attracted to her physical attributes, undoubtedly. I'd be delighted to fuck her, even if it were a grudge fuck. I had easily pictured her with her mouth full of my dick and looking into my eyes while she swallowed my load. I knew the flipside of that nasty temper was frequently a truly titanic sex drive. And my sleeping dream of licking her cunt the night before woke me up in a very pleasurable sweat, with an erection that you could use to drive nails.

I heard her come back down the stairs and drop her bags in the kitchen. I wondered if it was insane of me to even try this and pictured her grabbing a table lamp and beating my brains out. If it did work, though....

I went into the kitchen and smiled at her.

"Want a ride to the airport?" I grinned.

"Thanks you," she murmured, "That would be fine."

"Well," I shrugged, "Too bad you're leaving. With Laura and Jeff gone, I had planned a little activity for us. Guess it'll have to wait until next time."

"What 'activity'?" she scoffed, shouldering her overnight bag.

"Well, I was planning to ask if you'd like to go to my room and let me eat your pussy and fuck your cunt and asshole," I sighed, "Thought maybe you'd enjoy it. I know I would have."

I grabbed her bags and started out the front, squeezing past her and noting the look of utter shock on her face. I smiled and bit my lip and got as far as the door when she finally spoke.

"Are you kidding" she sputtered, "How dare...I mean...what the fuck are you...You can't be serious!"

"Why not, Sandy?" I smiled turning back to face her, "I already masturbated once while thinking about you and I dreamed about eating your hole all last night. You've got amazing tits and maybe the best fucking ass I've ever seen. And believe me, when I say 'fucking' ass, that's not a figure of speech. I'd just LOVE to get you up on your hands and knees and work my cock into your asshole. After I finished pounding your cunt, of course."

"I...I..uh..." she stammered, "I can't believe...I mean..."

"Sandy," I sighed, "This isn't trigonometry. You either want to get fucked and sucked and want to suck my dick or you don't. If you don't, let's get to the airport. If you do, strip down and get that gorgeous ass into my room. Just pick one."

"You really want to fuck me?" she asked in a tiny voice.

"Sandy, I want to fuck the daylights out of you," I replied, "I want to eat you and pump your cunt and cum in your mouth. I want you to talk dirty to me and sit on my fucking face."

"Oh, shit," she gasped, "I love that talk. It gets me so turned on."

"I bet you'd look really hot with a cock in your mouth, baby," I said softly, walking over close to her and slowly licking her ear, "And I'd love to lick your clit while I finger your pussy. If you don't want cock, I'd still like to get a look at that slammin' body, so I can picture you better when I jack off."

"Oh, shit!" she rasped, unzipping my pants and fishing my dick out of my underwear, "Mmmm, baby! Your dick is so long and thick! I haven't been fucked in more than two years, baby. I might not be very good."

"We'll go slow," I whispered, "Can I finger your cunt?"

"Yes," she breathed, "Please..."

I reached up the leg of her shorts and pulled her panties aside. Her slit was dripping wet and I slid two fingers up her vagina, working them slowly back and forth. I rubbd her clit with my thumb and she clutched frantically at my cock and started to jack it slowly up and down.

"I'm about to cum," she moaned, "Fuck, that feels good! I've missed this, baby. I've missed it so fucking much."

"You like sex, don't you, Sandy?" I said quietly, "You like to have your pussy and tits loved, don't you?"

"Mmmmm, I love it more than anything," she murmured, "Your big cock feels so good. Do you like my hand on it?"

"It feels wonderful," I replied, "You're making it really wet."

"I love pre-cum," she smiled, "I like to squeeze a big drop up to the cockhead and lick it off."

"You swallow cum, don't you, Sandy?" I asked.

"Every fucking drop," she groaned, "I want to hold your cockhead in my mouth and drink your cum when you shoot."

I unbuttoned and unzipped her shorts and ripped her panties off. She moaned and threw both arms around my neck. I picked her up by her ass and felt my cockhead tickling her dripping slit. She moaned and pumped her ass gently back and forth. I arched my back a bit and felt the head of my dick push just barely into her slick hole. She squealed and threw her head back and lowered herself, taking my cock further into her body.I pulled firmly at her ass and forced my dick all the way into her cunt. She shuddered and clutched my neck with her arms and my dick with her vaginal muscles.

"We're fucking," she said in a wondering tone.

"Your cunt feels so good," I sighed, "It feels like it's sucking my meat."

"Lay me down somewhere and dick me hard," she moaned, "C'mon, baby, ram your cock up me!"

I carried her into my room and kicked the door closed behind me. I carried her to the bed and fell over, my dick still fully inserted. She gasped and started to fuck back at me, her ass working frantically and threatening to suck the cum out of my cock within seconds.

"Fuck me!" she panted, "Mmmm, good dick...such good cock. That's it, baby, pump my pussy! Mmmm, so fucking deep, baby! Such good, hard fucking! I've missed this so much! I can feel your pretty nuts slapping my asshole! Mmmm, my asshole has missed being fucked so much! I want you to assfuck me, baby! Will you do that? Will you stick your big erect cock up my anus?"

"I'm going to use your ass 'til you can't fucking sit down," I groaned, "I love to assfuck a woman like you, Sandy. I can't wait to see my dick inserted in your asshole!"

"I want it dog-style," she gasped, "Pull your dick out of my cunt and I'll get up on my knees and take you anally."

"I want my first load to be in your mouth," I rasped, "Maybe we should wait on the anal isertion."

"Okay," she panted, "Let me know when you're ready to pop and I'll go down and eat your dick."

"I'm close, baby," I replied, "Why don't you blow me for a few seconds and I'll give you cum?"

She pulled off of my dick and scrambled around in front of me, on her hands and knees. She opened her mouth and took the whole length of my cock straight down her throat. I moaned and grabbed her head and stadted to fuck her face quickly.

"Suck cock, you little whore!" I gasped, "I'm going to fuck your mouth and cum down your fucking throat. Suck it! Suck that cock!"

She sucked frantically and I felt my cum boil up out of mny nuts and that familiar tingle sweep over me. My cock twitched like a hooked trout and erupted in what felt like a gallon of sperm. She gagged for a moment and then swallowed repeatedly, milking my cock with her right hand to get every drop. I pulled my dick out her mouth and rubbed the head all over her face. She sighed deeply in her chest and looked up at me.

"That was so fucking exciting!" she smiled.

"I'm going to suck your cunt, now, Sandy," I sighed, pushing her onto her back. She grabbed her knees and pulled them up to her chest, exposing her pretty, red slit. I laid down and slipped my tongue up her vagina and started licking the smooth, wet walls of her hole. She tasted sweetly salty. I've tasted eighteen-year-old cunts that weren't as fresh and tasty. Within moments, she began to squirm and clutch at my head. I slid my finger up her cunt and one into her ass and began to slowly vibrate both. She stiffened and gasped and suddenly my face was covered with her juices. She quaked wildly for maybe twenty seconds and then laid still.

"I spurted!" she smiled, "I haven't done that since I was in college!"

"After lunch," I smiled, "I'm going to fuck your asshole."

When Laura and Jeff came back about six, Sandy greeted them both with kisses and hugs. Laura was stunned and even Jeff momentarily lost his usual cool. Sandy was the picture of contentment and when she went to bed - quite early, compared to the nights before - they both cornered me in the kitchen and demanded to know what happened. I just smiled and told them we had had a talk and that things were better now.

About midnight, Sandy came into my room and we fucked quietly until well after three. She went back to her bed and, for the rest of the time, we took every opportunity to get by ourselves and get nasty. Jeff and Laura had to go back home on Sunday but Sandy stayed through the following Wednesday and we had sexual marathons that left me sated and exhausted. She blew me goodbye and I drove her to the airport but has come back every month or so and now we have to think about how to break it to my brother and his wife that I may very well become his de facto step-dad.