Nothing New

The din in the lunchroom was unbearable. At least they were rendered some privacy. Surprisingly, Jackie was more eager to speak than nervous Sam. As Sam took a bite of her pizza, Jackie gazed at her and whispered,
“I’m sorry; I’m sorry. Can you forgive me?”

Sam attempted a spasm of surprise, and instead spewed pizza sauce and grease on her lunch, Jackie’s drink, and on Jackie’s arms. Mortified, she mopped up the mess with spare napkins, unwilling to meet Jackie’s eyes as she cleansed Jackie’s pizza-desecrated arms. A light shaking in her arms caused Sam to face her girlfriend. Jackie was laughing hysterically. 

A grin invaded Sam’s somber face. As their vociferous giggling blended in harmony with the din in the cafeteria, a classmate walked by and picked up their trash with a friendly, knowing smile. The loudness in the lunchroom began to taper off, the girls’ laughter almost matching pitch in a lovely duet. I don’t think they noticed everyone from my table to theirs wheel and stare at them. Sam had climbed over the table and was locked in embrace with her girlfriend. I crossed my arms and quietly stared in tribute to the lovers, as did much of the student body. I was sitting about five tables away.

*******

Sam was nervous. They were huddled on Jackie’s floor, closer than they had ever been. Sam was sleeping over Jackie’s house again after making up with her.
There was no preamble at the time – an overture had already been made hours before when they had made up, then held hands and spoke intimately until the second they sat on Jackie’s floor to listen to music. So the only true preamble was Jackie switching off the pounding techno.

Jackie started stroking Sam’s sides, staring only at her erect nipples. She refused to look in Sam’s eyes. Lowering her head, Jackie expertly began to lick circles around Sam’s nipples, then suddenly grasped a nipple between her lips and sucked fiercely. Her hands roamed down Jackie’s stomach, stopped by Sam’s hands. Jackie glanced up in surprise and Sam, taking advantage of the break, maneuvered Jackie onto her bed and licked up her neck, teasing her earlobes. Jackie’s midsection bucked in spasms, quieted by Sam’s soft petting on her leg. 

When Sam finally ventured onto her crotch, Jackie lifted Sam’s shirt and slung it off Sam’s body. She tore her own clothes off, then roughly kneaded Sam’s soft back and sides. Sam calmly pet Jackie’s light fuzz, intermittently teasing Jackie’s clit with one fingertip. The finger crept down to her lover’s wetness. She gently rubbed the wetness on the outside, bending over to finally kiss her right before Sam plunged her finger inside. Sam pumped, cherishing the feel of Jackie’s gasps with her lover’s mouth on hers. Again she worshipped Jackie’s ear, sucking the lobe and licking the neck behind her ear. Before Jackie could dare to come, Sam swiftly pleasured Jackie with her quickly lapping tongue, alternatively sucking. Jackie’s wetness suddenly flowed with saltier taste as her moans reached crescendo. Sam loved her flavor, different than Ana’s but just as good, equally sexy. At this point, the blissful, serene stare on Jackie’s beautiful face as she held Sam close did not indicate to Sam that she was going to reciprocate. 

Surprise. She immediately twisted herself so she found her tongue on Sam’s opening, licking up the pleasure lube already gleaned just from hearing Jackie’s passionate sighs. When Jackie shyly but expertly placed one finger on her anus, rubbing slowly, Sam jumped in surprise, then relaxed in even deeper surprise when she figured out it not only wouldn’t hurt – it actually turned her on, made her wetter. A different hand, different finger this time. Gently pushing up, massaging the bump of absolute sexual pleasure, eventually accompanied by deep suction, her tongue brushing up against the firm clit in her mouth. 
“Jackie!”
“I love you Sam.”

A thumb on her clit, two fingers up her pussy. sweet words. Singing sigh. Sam felt her orgasm cause her walls to pulse, sapping Jackie’s fingers. The kiss was a real love.
Heh. I got to hear the whole story.

*******

Cute. That was their first time together. I appreciated the intimacy of my friend’s account, but feared for my friend’s sanity. I think Jackie was now irretrievably vested in Sam’s heart. What was the point? I didn’t see Sam for a while during their little exclusive spiritual honeymoon. But, my logical mind cried out to Sam’s, unheard, I’ll bet.

“Don’t let her break your heart, dear. Don’t let her break your heart…”

*******

It was almost Chinese water torture, but not quite. Sam stared at the “dripping faucet” screensaver on her computer, wondering when she had become so masochistic, she could subject herself to this type of anti-entertainment. She was finished surfing the Internet with the intent of tying up the phone line for hours with her cheap modem, and wasn’t sure whether the idle computer with screensaver running was still hooked up to her dial-up connection. Regardless, the phone wasn’t ringing. Sam draped herself upside-down over her bed, with her skull almost touching the floor, and the half of her body still on the bed lay rigid like a corpse. She ignored the rush of blood in her head and stared unseeing into the depths of the world beneath her bed. Upside down, she found her center, her core – but it was still three miles away. With a jerk out of her almost euphoric yet depressive meditation, Sam noticed her diary under the bed where she had evidently flung it, open to a page with childish obsessing about her new girlfriend Jackie on one side and a heartfelt, sad lament on the other side. 

“Alone again,” it read. “How can I stand to be alone on a Saturday night? Who can? Lonely…again…”

Sam sighed at the irony of her life. She knew, it was at the forefront of her memory, what she had written not too long ago on her sentiment on loneliness. Destiny… destiny was the product of actions. Every destination has a path, and a different road leads to a different destination. She knew all this. You can remain driving north on Route 95 for a while, feeling destined to eventually end up in Connecticut or Massachusetts, but there is always the possibility of getting off at an exit in New York. And of course there’s that possibility of turning south, or west, or just staying in New York City for a while, glaring north but refusing to approach. Sam knew all of this. The only problem was her confusion. She knew not what actions would lead to which fate.

*******

“I am so glad the two of you are back together.” 
Sam glanced at me with a glint of irony in her look. 
“Well, yes. It’s very nice. Considering I haven’t seen her outside of school in two weeks, and she never calls me. Otherwise, yes, we’re getting along just fine.”
I hate to be too judgmental. But the stereotype of dramatic lesbian relationships rings true, and is so banal at times, not to mention time-consuming for all supporters of those involved. I thought Sam needed to be relieved of the stress of this elongated rendezvous.

“Whatever. Don’t think about it. Look, Sunday is 14-18 year olds at the club. You’ll go with me. Cool?”
“Yeah, yeah.” She was still checking around corners for her girlfriend.

*******

“EVERYBODY DANCE NOW!”
The disco ball was twirling like a world of its own, the 90’s jams pounding around it as its wind and waves. I had never been clubbing before, and neither had Sam up to this point, although Jackie’s more permissive family let her party at a club every Sunday. Sam was supposedly at my house. Her mother had evidently thought a sleepover at someone’s house other than Jackie’s would be good for Sam. Strangely enough, she didn’t know a thing about me except my name.

Obviously, her mother did know a thing or two about the drug use at these teen clubs. Pills were passed like party favors. Pot brownies were choice fare. Sam didn’t dare imbibe such demonic substances, but I had outgrown my pure stage. I nibbled hungrily on the brownies, loosening in body and spirit and laughing warmly as Sam gave me a reproachful look and danced around me, arms in the air. As my world changed in accordance with the lights changing in the room and the drug in my hand, everything and everyone was dancing. I began to truly party to the blaring disco along with Sam and every other teen in the place. I saw everything. When nobody was looking, attractive girls lifted their shirts while best friends secretly touched each other’s boyfriends. I saw a paradise of tolerance, where here and there two boys or two girls kissed near the walls. I saw rough guys fight, then break into laughter when the bouncer strolled by. I saw Sam dancing in complete oblivious freedom, in one dance finally attaining the purity she had so strived for, yet completely incognizant of her feat.

I saw Jackie. I tried to deny it, tried to doubt my hypersensitive senses that asserted that Sam’s wayward girlfriend was indeed in the same room, grinding to the same music with a clean-cut yet virile teenaged boy. But pot does not lead to hallucination. Marijuana-stimulated senses don’t lie.

*******

She didn’t want to draw conclusions. But she knew. There was no way not knowing. For all Jackie feared a true relationship with Sam, one who started to love her, Sam had gotten over Ana for the sake of her relationship with Jackie, but Jackie couldn’t risk it. So she chose a guy. 
Perhaps she has problems with him. Perhaps she chose him for the lack of seriousness, for a casual fling. I don’t know any better than Sam.

Sam… the last I saw of her, she was curled up in a ball on the floor with her diary in her hand. Her mother eyed me coldly, but said not a word. Although I’m sure Sam’s mother happily sensed it was over between she and Jackie, there was a desperate, painful sense of finality in Sam’s wailing. As I quietly slipped out of the room, I noticed Sam’s mother observe her hurt child with a look of concern, maybe even with a hint of empathy, before she too left Sam alone. The cry followed me out, a keening wail. 

“I’m destined to be alone! I’m destined to be alone!”
I’ll see her tomorrow.