Longing

I want him so badly, I want him at all times. If I could fuck him a thousand times a day, it wouldn’t be enough. I can’t get enough of him. I can’t get enough of running my fingers through his chest hair and kissing his neck. I can’t get enough of the feeling of him teasing me by gently brushing his fingers along my back, or kissing and licking my nipples, or softly rubbing against my pussy- always ready and begging for him.

Our relationship hasn’t been long. We haven’t spent every waking moment together for years. We have seen each other a few times a week for just months- two months. When I first saw him, it wasn’t an epitomic moment where my stomach turned to butterflies and I knew he was the one. We “hit it off,” if you will, but it we didn’t have an immediate, explosive chemistry. But somehow, it just felt right. Our first kiss was the most perfect that I could ever imagine. It happened on our first date, quickly- like everything else in our relationship. We were smoking hookah and just enjoying one another’s company. Over time, we drifted closer together, we cuddled close to one another, and then, unexpectedly enough, he asked to kiss me. Of course I granted him this request, and that was when the butterflies began. Our sexual chemistry made its debut in a big way. The moment his lips touched mine, I felt my independent, rational self begin to melt away and my romantic self emerge in its place. I leaned into his kiss; I wanted to feel his body. It had been so long since I had felt the body of another, yet this wasn’t even the reason for my longing. He was just amazing, in so many ways. He was unlike anyone I had ever known, his kiss was unlike anything I’ve ever felt.

We continued to cuddle and kiss for hours. We closed the café down, and I still couldn’t get enough. In the midst of all of this passion, he asked me to be his. I couldn’t have turned him down if my life depended on it. He was just so perfect for me. An engineering student at a prestigious school, an intelligent and incredibly articulate thinker, and of course, there was the physical attraction. So, at 1 o’clock AM on a weekday, I left with a new boyfriend on my arm and a new passion in my heart. He walked me to my building and he kissed me again. I never wanted to let him go. If I could have held onto that kiss for the rest of my life, in the middle of my freshman dormitory’s lobby, I would have. My knees were weak, my body entirely unsteady. I felt as if I had just found what I had been waiting for my entire life.

It was the next day that I saw him. It was a Tuesday, and we spent it cuddling in my bed watching Barack Obama address the nation. With him next to me, I could barely keep my mind on the president that I so adamantly supported for years. All I kept thinking was how badly I wanted what was under his clothes, how badly I wanted his flesh against mine. I couldn’t resist him; I couldn’t keep my hands off of him. With my roommate less than 6 feet away, we threw modesty away and began to touch one another. He caressed my breasts and it was unlike anything I ever felt. As he gently played with and tugged on my nipples, I entirely lost all of my inhibitions. All I could think about was how good his lips felt on me, how badly I wanted his hands to travel further down my body, and inevitably, how badly I wanted what was in his pants. I started to tease him, unsure of whether or not he wanted me to go further. I lifted his shirt and ran my fingers across his stomach, shyly reaching beneath his belt, inside of his boxers. I wanted so badly to pull him close to me, to tear off all of his clothes and kiss and lick every inch of his body. If my roommate wasn’t there, I would have. There is not a doubt in my mind.

I tried, in vain, to keep his hands from exploring my body any further beyond my chest and stomach. It wasn’t his persistence that caused me to give up the fight, it was my longing for him. I pulled a blanket around us to shelter us from my roommate’s occasional glare, but at the point I wasn’t even worried about what she thought. All I knew was that I wanted my new lover to experience everything that I could give him. As he unbuttoned my jeans, my body began to ache for him. I was so wet and my pussy was throbbing for him. As he ran his fingers over my underwear, occasionally tracing where it stopped and my skin began, I began to breathe more deeply. I had been craving a touch like his for so long. The way he knew how much teasing was just enough, the way he knew exactly where to touch and the pressure to apply- it was incredible. This confirmed my belief that he was absolutely perfect for me. Eventually, his fingers found their way inside of my underwear, inside of me. We were both fully clothed, but it didn’t matter. When he’d push his fingers inside me, I had to give everything I had not to moan and alert everyone around to what exactly we were doing.

After he had brought me to the most amazing climax I have ever experienced, he whispered to me “why don’t you finish what you started earlier?” I knew immediately that he was referring to my unsure and clumsy teasing. I felt so self-conscious, having had very little enjoyable sexual experience. In fact, this new and perfect man in my life was the first ever to give me an orgasm. I had experienced it before, by my hands alone, but it was never as good as with him. I reached into his boxers and grasped at his hard cock. I hadn’t touched a man so intimately in so long, and I wanted nothing more than to please him. I was unsure of what to do. And inevitably, I didn’t make it much further than simply touching him this night. He assured me that everything was alright and we lay together for a while. We had a very intimate discussion about my insecurities and my desires. It was a frightening discussion to have, but when I looked into his eyes and felt his strong arms holding me close, I felt as if I was where I belonged. He was so assuring. He made me feel so secure.

When he left, I lay awake and thought about the excitement of a new relationship, but mostly about how badly I wanted to take him into me, in any way that it could happen. I had always had an aversion to giving head. I never enjoyed it, I never enjoyed looking that closely at the male anatomy, if you will. For me, it was something that I only did for very special occasions. And frequently, I made excuses to avoid it even then. With him, it was different. I had not yet really even seen beneath his pants, but I felt it, and as I felt it, I knew I wanted it. I wanted to take him in my mouth and make him come. I wanted to taste him. The next time I saw him, I swore to myself, I would not let him escape without tending to my new “oral fixation.”
I accomplished my goal when I next saw him. But it was better than I could have ever fantasized in my innocent dream world. The date was a walk in the park. It was beautiful and we kissed deeply in a secluded area of the park. Attempting to be coy, I asked him when he was going to take me to his apartment. Fortunately, the answer was immediately. When we got there, I couldn’t wait for what was to come. It wasn’t long before we were both entirely naked. This is something that I never imagined. I have always had a very poor body image. I couldn’t imagine being naked with anyone. And in all actuality, I had never been fully naked in anyone’s presence before. But with him, I felt so safe. And I felt like there was nothing I would rather do than sit naked in his apartment with him. We fooled around for a while, he fingered me, I attempted again to touch him without making a fool of myself. He performed oral sex on me, the most incredible feeling that I ever experienced. Never, ever in my life had I ever experienced something so fantastic. I’d been eaten out a few times, but it never felt good. It was just a nerve-wracking and terrible experience. But, like everything else he did, it was perfect with him. He gently tongued my clit and kissed and licked and my pussy. He brought me to an orgasm so intense that I was scared for a moment that he would think me to be strange.

Then, finally, he asked me for head and I was so relieved that I didn’t have to initiate it. Immediately, I jumped at the chance, not even attempting to hide my eagerness to take him in my mouth. It was just as delicious as I thought it would be. I could suck his dick for hours and never tire of it. Eventually, we changed positions so that we could stimulate each other at the same time. I never, ever wanted to stop. I must have came for him ten times that night, I just couldn’t get enough. Later, we collapsed next to each other and he held me for a while. I was so satisfied when I returned home that I could not even concentrate on the four page paper that I had due the next morning. Instead, I just fell into my bed and touched myself while thinking about how amazing our first time would actually be.

Was all of that background necessary? Not at all. But once I begin thinking about his amazing body and his perfect touch, I can’t stop. But now, with him here in front of me, I want to give myself to him entirely. Our sex life is amazing. Every time we’re together, we have a great deal of issues with keeping our hands off of one another. But today, I want more. Each night for these weeks, my body ached for him. I’d talk to him in my mind for hours before finally drifting off to sleep and dreaming of him. I want not just to feel him inside of me, but to feel him all over me. I love it when he smacks my ass during sex. Today, I want it harder. I want it so hard that it stings long after. I love it when he bites me. Today, I want it harder. I want him to bite my neck, but I especially want him to bite my chest. I want him to cover my breasts in bruises. I want it and I want to know how badly he wants me. I love it when he hurts me in bed. I want him to fuck me so hard I can’t move, I want him to bite me and smack me and hurt me in ways that I can’t even fathom. I want him to finger me-hard. I want to feel nearly as much pain by him as I feel longing for him. I want him to make me ride him while he smacks my ass. And, oh, how badly I want to just get on top of him and fuck him harder, faster than ever before. I want him to feel how badly I’ve wanted him for these weeks. I want him to see all the nights I lay in my bed and thought about his cock inside me as I rubbed my clit. I want to come for him for every night we spent apart. I want him to know that he is the only one who ever made me feel this good and that he is the only one in the world that I want. I just want to give him all of my body and all of my love.