Life's Imperfections part II

In every healthy relationship both persons must resolve some sort of conflict. Arguments and even fights are essential in an improving relationship. As they both mature mentally, they find themselves uneasy and insecure more often. They ask themselves so many "what if" questions that it drives them insane. The risks of acting upon instinct and desire lead to dire consequences that beg for the answers to whether she will act maliciously or not. In other words, everyone asks him/herself, is my lover cheating on me? Is it wrong to be insecure? Does that mean you hold no trust or does that mean they don't deserve your trust? So many inquiries that certainly need to be answered will most likely be left alone anyway. It's the benevolent trust and natural bond in a relationship that will determine whether it is true love or not. 

*********

With my serious case of Senioritis, I focused on nothing but enjoying myself. Day in and day out I'd neglect my academics and when night rolls around, I'd feel the pang of guilt kick in. Mackenzie often slept over, sneaking in at one o'clock in the morning through my bedroom window. Sometimes I'd offer her a ladder but she always said she needs a workout, and surely climbing up the side of my house was good enough of an excuse. She'd recommend that I write my paper or finish my lackadaisical excuse of a project. Obviously crawling into bed with a beautiful brunette was more enticing than any schoolwork. Mackenzie wouldn't pressure me any further once I start to kiss her soft lips, her neck, her beautiful breasts...and I wouldn't stop until I had her completely satisfied. Everything was fine and our daily routine was always the same. She worked, I go to school, I come home or go party, and then she sneaks in to me. Everything was perfectly fine up until after I had graduated. Obviously Mackenzie had her own business to attend to in college and at work and I was waiting for acceptance letters from all of the school I had applied for. Not once had it occurred to me, however, that Mackenzie is in college and she does have many friends and acquaintances. At this point I learned what true insecurity is. I myself had entered college by the end of this summer, which is inconveniently located three hours away from Mackenzie's school. She lived in an apartment with two other roommates since this would be her second year. I was never a huge fan of long-distance relationships but now that it has become one...all I could keep saying to myself was "distance is the ultimate test of faith."

**********

"Are you going to call me later?"
Mackenzie was silent while I sat on the phone patiently waiting for an answer.
"Well?"
I tried not to sound so aggravated since being a patient girlfriend is essential. Mackenzie had just recently told me that she is bipolar, which causes a lot of emotional stress for her. At last she replied in a soft voice,
"I don't know."
It really irks me when she replies with the words 'I don't know' or 'okay' because usually she'll give me some smart-ass retort and laugh it off jokingly then answer me. I inhaled deeply, attempting to calm myself since I needed to be understanding for this girl. She was there for me, and now when her depressing mood starts acting up, I have to be a patient lover.
"What do you mean you don't know? Are you going to be busy?"
"I don't know. I'll try to call you later."
Normally, she'll say 'I'll call you, I promise babe' or simply use the pet names that I absolutely adore. I knew something was wrong again. It's been over a year and all this time she's suppressed the depression moments for so long. Constraining herself just so she wouldn't say anything to hurt me. This was becoming too much though and I knew damn well she was struggling. 
"Okay. Try to call me. I miss you."
"Yeah."
"I'm coming home this weekend. You know, winter break."
"Oh."
"Well, I have to go to my study session. Try to call me after work?"
"Yeah."
"I love you babe."
"Bye."

As I closed my flip-phone, I tried not to do it angrily. I knew I had to calm myself because I have to understand her situation. Her mood changes so quickly and finally she just had to let it out. She couldn't suppress it anymore and I chose to stay. She gave me the option to leave but no, I love this girl. I chose to stay and try my best. This is not my best...not when I'm becoming aggravated over something as stupid as her not saying back 'I miss you' or 'I love you.' I left my dorm room and ran into Joshua.
"Hey Annie, party tonight. You gonna skip another one and be a loser or hit it up with me?"
"Ha, alright Josh. I'll quit being a loser for tonight...after my study session. Call me."
"Can I holla? Haha!"
"No."
"Damn, I was just kidding. I know you love your girl."
"Damn straight bitch."
I shoved him playfully then headed out, in search for my car. I drove across campus and landed myself out on the main roads, heading to Starbucks. I had agreed to meet up with Kristen, Brian, Leah, and Seth from my Chemistry class to study for our exams before break. This was one of my first steps that I had promised myself in improving my grades. No more Senioritis but definitely more parties. I was finding myself in a tough situation. I was clutching my cell phone during the whole group discussion of whether we should buy some brownies or not. Of course doing the homework and lab was important too. I continuously flipped open my phone even though I know it never rang to check to see if Mackenzie had called. 

"Damn it Annie pay attention. You really need to know chapter seven."
Kristen snarled. She is such a study freak. Not only does she force herself to study hours on end but she also feels it necessary to make others who spend time with her do so as well.
"I know chapter seven."
"What's it about? What time your girlfriend called?"
"No."
"Okay then. Hit the books."
"I'm gonna go hit up a party in thirty. Brian? Seth? Leah? Who's up for it?"
"What about me huh?"
Kristen whined, closing her textbook slowly but not completely.
"I know you can't close that book Kristen. I'm not even gonna bother to ask you. If you can close your textbook completely for 30 minutes, then I'll believe you."
Brian snickered.
"Psh."
Kristen slowly let the book close but continued to stare at the cover. The rest of us laughed it off and just talked over coffee and brownies while Kristen sat silently for the next thirty minutes. After that all of us left Starbucks and headed out for the party. I still clutched my cellular as tight as I could, hoping to hear it ring. 

**********

I woke up with a huge headache and I was momentarily unaware of my whereabouts. I frantically felt around in search for my cell phone. There was a knock on the door to my dorm and I slapped my roommate to go open the door. She grudgingly kicked her blankets off mumbling 'it's fucking 7:30 AM, what the fuck?' and threw the door open. I was still crawling all over the floor looking for my phone. Josh smirked as he stood in the doorway, arm resting on the doorframe above his head as he leaned to his left.
"So, Miss Annie...you are pretty wild when you're smashed."
I disregarded his comment, still searching for my phone.
"Josh have you seen my phone?"
"Yeah um, you threw it in the pool yesterday cuz you got mad."
"Why'd I get mad?!"
I cried out in panic.
"Someone called you and it wasn't Mackenzie so you just threw it as hard as you could into the water."
"You didn't try to stop me?!"
"Dude, you fucking bit me when I did."
"Oh."

I started looking for my roommate's cell phone then. She handed it to me just to shut me up. I shakingly dialed Mackenzie's number. She didn't pick up, even after the seven times I called in a row. Josh shook his head and looked down as he spoke,
"You know Annie, I've only known you for a couple months but I know damn well that your girlfriend isn't worth your time."
"Josh, I know you like me but this is not how you get on my good side."
I mumbled, aggravated. 
"It's not that. She doesn't pick up your calls. She only calls you once every few days and that's the only time you and her ever get to have your five-minute conversations. Long-distance is hard but it shouldn't be this hard on you Annie."
And I stood there in the middle of that tiny dorm, realizing that Josh did have a point. What he was saying was absolutely true. Mackenzie never has time for me, even with her bipolar disorder. And then I broke down crying, wishing that this week would pass just so I could go home and see her.

**********

"Hi."
Mackenzie said with a straight face as I stood at her door. She slowly stepped back and pushed the door open for me. I hesitated, not knowing what to do since I was expecting a more lively and excited greeting. I made myself comfortable in her living room, wondering if her roommates were home. 
"Nice to see you're home."
"Mackenzie...is there something you need to tell me?"
"No. Why do you ask?"
"Because...you haven't called me in two weeks and you haven't returned my calls."
"Oh. I'm sorry."
I sighed, feeling my anger rising into my throat. Once again, I attempted to stop myself for bursting out with anger. Yet, she was acting just fine. She didn't seem depressed...
"You're sorry?"
"Yeah. I just haven't had the time."
"You've always had the time. Damn it Mackenzie, are you cheating on me?"
"What?"
"Is there someone else?"
She was silent for a long while. I was afraid of this. I had been thinking plenty about what if this had happened. What would I do? What would I say? I was acting the opposite of how I planned it for myself. 
"Just fucking tell me the truth Mackenzie."
"I love you...and I would never do anything to hurt you like that."
"Don't lie to me."

I broke down again, crying my eyes out. She hesitantly put her arms around me and kissed me on the forehead while she wiped away my tears.
"Baby, I'm sorry I've been distant but I've had a lot of thinking to do. I need some space and time away from you. I thought the time between your studying and your break would be great for me to come to understand what it is that I'm having problems with."
I looked up, ceasing the tears and just hugging her tightly. I miss the moments like these back when I was in high school, back when I could see her and feel her touch every night. Mackenzie pulled me up and led me back to her room. 
"Annie, I've missed you so much, you don't even know. I may not show it but I have."
There were so many questions I had to ask her. Questions like what were you trying to figure out? Where did I go wrong? Am I doing you wrong? Is there something you're hiding? But I couldn't make myself ask her. She's finally acting normal again. I didn't want to ruin that.

**********

I felt her unzip my pants and slide her left hand up my thigh. Her soft lips landing upon mine gently. I could feel the last of my tears stream down my cheeks. She gently wiped that away and kissed my cheek. Her lips were so soft and I had forgotten how beautiful she is. She pushed herself into me as she took control, lying on top of me while running her hand through my hair. I took hold of her wait with both hands from the beneath here and pulled her body harder into mine. Feeling her pussy grind against mine. She slowly slid my shirt off and pulled hers off slowly, teasing a bit. I undid her bra and felt her nipples press against mine. I slid my right leg between her thighs and let our smooth skin rub gently. She started kissing my neck, nibbling at my left ear. Her hands sliding down my sides. She ran her right hand across and around my stomach, applying pressure at the hipbone. I felt her kiss down my neck, across my collarbone and down in between my breasts. Her hands pulling my pants off, she let her kisses move towards my right nipple. I could feel her hot breath on my skin, causing me to breathe harder. I let out a small, weak moan and edged her on. I could now feel her warm lips surrounding my nipple, feeling her tongue press flat against it. The warm, wet tongue swirling around my nipple. She flicked it with the tip of her tongue, left and right, up and down. She moved to the left nipple and did the same, sucking on it gently. I could feel the rush of that feel-good sensation from my clit, radiating warmth throughout my body. Her kisses moved down my stomach and her hand pushed between my thighs. 

She slowly moved her hand up, lightly tracing along my thigh. She continued kissing down my stomach, kissing my hipbones and finally, pulling my thong down with her teeth. Her tongue lightly, barely touching my skin as she removed it. She had my legs spread and she slowly guided herself closer to my slit. She lightly ran her fingers up and down it, making me barely feel it, teasing. Finally I let out a frustrated yet playful moan. At that moment she pushed one finger into me and felt my body react. I pushed against her hand; she pulled out slowly, letting me feel it. Her tongue slid in gently, applying pressure to my clit. Her tongue traced circles around and around my clit, occasionally stopping to flick it with the tip of her tongue. She pressed her tongue flat against my clit and pushed two fingers into me. I moaned again softly to edge her on. She continued finger fucking me then eventually pulled out and replaced her fingers with her tongue. I was in ecstasy, my head was spinning and I begged for her to go faster. Let her tongue move faster and push harder and deeper into me. Her hands were caressing my breasts while she continued to slide her tongue in and out of me. Finally I felt it. I felt the burst of pleasure spread from my clit, the warmth engulfing my whole body. I gripped the bed sheets, my eyes closed, my back arching in pleasure. She continued, speeding up and applying more pressure. I couldn't contain my moans anymore and screamed her name. I felt her kiss back up my body as my orgasm receded. I kissed her soft lips and she hugged me tight by the waist. 
"I love you Mackenzie."

And here I thought everything was okay.