If I Have You Then I'll Be Just Fine

My looks- dirty blonde hair; medium length, baby blue eyes, 5’9”, skinny... too skinny, 125 pounds. Oh yea I have dimples in both of my cheeks. (The ones on my face) heh. Oh and my names Travis. 

Sebastian’s looks- Spiked brown hair, dark green eyes, and tall; like 6’1”, thin for his height… 162 pounds I guess. Completely gorgeous, like if I showed you a picture you’d be like damn. He got his eyebrow pierced too. 

Seb, my boyfriend (of four months) and I were cuddling on my bed watching a movie. I can’t really remember which one but it was Lord of the Rings. Me, being the cuddle bunny that I am, I had my head resting on his chest and my arms wrapped around his waist. He planted a short loving kiss on my forehand every once in a while. He, being highly asthmatic meant that we couldn’t have sex or he’d have an attack or die. But that didn’t stop us from fooling around… or trying. He always tried to make me happy in that way. But no, we never got quite as far as he wanted. It hurt me to see how upset and embarrassed he got. This time, he and I knew it was going to be different. 

“I love you Sebastian, you know that right?” I asked, looking up at him. He nodded. “Of course I do, I love you too, did you know that?” “Really? No I didn’t” I joked. “Well then I’ll just have to show you, and make you remember this time” this is when it got too far, him thinking he had to prove his love to me. I was totally fine with no sex. He just didn’t believe me whenever I told him. “Seb…” I started. “Shh, no talking” he whispered. I couldn’t disobey him. So I shut up. He brushed his lips against mine and I smiled. His lips were always so soft. I opened my mouth slowly, letting his tongue in to explore every inch there was. He gripped my hair, tight in his fingers and climbed on top of me. I slanted my head to the side to deepen the kiss a bit more; I loved the feeling of his warm body against mine. He broke the wonderful, heated kiss to lift my shirt off above my head. He’s done this before but I still felt self conscience, I was so skinny that I wasn’t happy with myself shirtless. “Your beautiful” he comforted me. I smiled and blushed, returning my lips to his. 

He always found ways to make me feel better about myself. There was nothing wrong with him or his body so he really had nothing to have a low self esteem about or have any shame in. Once again the kiss was broken to take off a shirt. His shirt. He grinded his now growing erection against mine through the fabric of our denim prisons. “Oh… god... Seb” I moaned as he grinded harder, biting down on my neck. He kissed down my neck to my nipple. He flicked his tongue over it before swirling his pink muscle over it, and sucking on it. As he did this his hands went to my belt, and quickly undid it. He moved lower going down my stomach. He licked inside my belly button teasing me into thinking that’s what I’d be doing to him in a different area. He then took my pants off and tossed them on the floor, smiling seeing me in just my boxers. I smiled at him knowing I’d be seeing him in his soon enough. As if he understood my facial expression, off came his pants, taking their place next to mine on the floor. “ Kiss me my love” he said slamming his tongue on my bottom lip for entry. 

This is where I usually stopped him. I was on top of him, ready to suck his nine inch cock. I hated teasing him like that but I couldn’t take the risk. “Please Travis? This time I’ll relax I promise” “Sebastian, I love you and I want this just as much as you do…” I started, staring in his lovely green eyes. “Then please, just… suck me off” now here’s something I never heard from him, begging? No, this was not my Sebby. I couldn’t help but give in. His eyes were so pleading. And I did want to give him head. I’ve wanted to since he became my boyfriend. I went easy on him; I wasn’t going to kill him, just by sucking him. I didn’t tease him either. His heart couldn’t take that. I began to deep throat him, letting him fuck the back of my throat hard and fast. “Holy shit… fuck Travis!” he screamed. I knew he was close. I wanted to stop what I was doing. 

But this was a lose lose situation. If I stopped then it would cause his breathing to become faster but if I let him cum the same thing might happen, but at least he’d be happier if he came inside my mouth. I let him. “Oh god... Travis I’m going to-“ Cum? Of course you were. He spilled all he had to offer in my mouth and I swallowed it all… greedily may I say. I kissed my way up his stomach back to his lips. “See? I’m fine, please can we…?” his voice trialed off. I shook my head. “No, I… I can’t let this happen” “Yes, you can… for me? Please? Travis I want this” “I know baby, I know you do but this is going to hurt you” “It won’t… I’ll be fine, look how I am now” I was on the verge of tears. The last thing I had wanted had become the first thing I wanted. I wanted to say something... something to change his mind, but I found I couldn’t. He was my weakness. He broke the awkward silence. “ … Travis make love to me” it was is hobby to tear my insides out and lay them out for me to see. “Are... are you s-sure?” I stuttered. “More sure then I’ve been about anything in my life” he reassured me. “If… if this is what you want, and y-you’re sure about it… I… I want to make you happy” I said unsure. 

He grabbed my hands and put then on his chest. “Feel. Normal breathing. If I can stay relaxed I’ll be just fine. Promise” I tried to nod. My blonde hair fell in my eyes and soaked up a tear, I didn’t want him to see how much less of a man I became knowing I could put this boy into so much pain, just for my pleasures. “Ready?” he asked. I nodded. I kissed him a couple of times on his lips and cheek before I actually took my place between his legs. I figured me being on top would be the best way to go. 

I very gently, pushed a finger in his tightness. I know this pain. “I’m sorry, I need to stretch you first, or it’ll be worse” he shut his eyes and nodded. I was feeling guilty already. I pushed another in and out. In and out. “Ahh…” he whimpered. “ I know I’m so sorry Seb” I said softly. After a while of stretching his hole, I pulled both fingers out and coated myself with the lube sitting on my night table. “This is going to hurt more then my fingers… so I need you to relax and breathe and if you can’t… to tell me and I’ll stop” He nodded. I pressed myself into his opening slowly. Really slow. Like I’d break him if I didn’t go as slow as humanly possible. I placed my hands on his chest gently, for two reasons. One being I needed leverage and two, if he went into a state of an attack I could feel it. Tears came down his face as I pressed the whole seven inches in. 

I kissed them away and whispered ‘I love you’ in his ear. After a while I could tell he sort of liked it, and that I could go faster. I quickened up the pace a little. “My god, Travis… holy fuck” I went a little faster. “Ahh, oh my god” wait no… no… “Seb... are you okay?” “Um... yea... keep going” he said in-between breathes. Too long of breathes. He couldn’t breathe and I could tell. I pulled out of him. I didn’t need to cum. I grasped his cock with one hand and stroked his face with the other. “Just breathe... and you’ll be fine... I knew this was a bad idea” “No… It wasn’t... I fucking... Love you” “Shh, just breathe love… no talking… just breathe” I was afraid he was going to die then and there. 

He got a little un easy when he was cumming, but I got him to relax afterwards. “Travis…” he panted. “ I love you Sebastian” I said, brushing some loose hair behind his ears, kissing the tip of his nose. “I love you too. I know it’s only been four months but I can safely say I love you and I’m never going to leave you” I smiled and kissed his lips softly. He pulled the covers over us and we fell asleep right there, after making wonderful love to each other. I can’t explain the feelings I was feeling at that point. Even though a few words don’t begin to explain it… love, happiness, friendship, lust, new beginnings. 

It’s been two months since Sebastian’s death. I still cry about it. I loved him so much and I knew he died loving me too. I visit his grave after classes’ everyday almost. I talk to him. I tell him what I did that day, or how hot our teacher Mr. Wells was. Before I left I’d tell him that he kept his promise. He didn’t leave me. I told him he was always in my heart and that someday I’d be with him. And be happy again. I just hope he’s listening. The saddest thing about it is that his last words that he ever said to me were “I’ll be right back, I love you Travis”