I Swear To You, part two

Part two of my ‘I Swear To You’ series. In this part there is no sex, so if that is what you want, sorry, but don’t bother, it ain't here. For all the rest of you, thanks for reading, hope you enjoy it and please, if you would, leave your comments so I know what you do and don’t like.

I stretched out under the warm glow, feeling my skin embrace the light. Staring out into the depths of the ocean, I’m lost. Swallowed in a world of supreme power, where the emotionally weak and ignorant have no place. The salty tang in the air smelled so sweet and the harsh sand was so soft against my skin. I was home.
My almost trance like state was broken by someone settling down next to me. I spun around, ready to give it to them, upset by their intrusion. But it’s her. Her with the gaze that freezes my mind, her with lips so sweet I- I shook my head, furious at the thoughts that just crossed my mind. How could I think of anybody like that? How could I compare anyone to her, especially my co-worker, to the undoubtable love of my life? How could my manager even come close to her? But when I looked in her eyes, I can almost see her, my love, peering out of them.

“What do you want Bec?” I snapped, pretending to be angry. She shrugged and looked at me. “I came to see you,” she answered.
“Why?” She shrugged again and looked out to the horizon.

“Look. I figure it as this. Tomorrow, it will be exactly one year ago that you went out and bought and engagement ring. You then went home and cooked your to-be fiancée lunch, meaning to ask The Question. You chicken out and decide to tell her after you get home from work, a 5-11 shift because you worked at a restaurant at the time. You had had candles at your lunch and hadn’t blown them out, and just after you left your girlfriend collapses, reason unknown. Grabbing the tablecloth on the way down, and therefore, bumping over the candles. When you get home the house is in ruins, and you, in complete distraught, runs searching through the rubble to find her body, burnt beyond belief. You never got to ask that question didn’t you? And you still blame yourself, don’t you?” 

I realized numbly that I could taste blood in my mouth, and realize that I’d bitten a decent hole in my lip. I raise a shaking hand to wipe the blood away. Her stare turns to me, and I see nothing but sadness in those eyes. Dark brown, very unlike my light grey colour. I remember sadly they were once blue. “I…” I couldn’t say it. Not now, not to her. I let out and uncontrollable sob, and for the first time in my life, ran. Even though I knew she followed my every step of the way home, to make sure I got there, I guess, I knew I couldn’t face her.

I stumbled into my home as curled in my bed, hugging myself. I squeezed my eyes shut then reached out to my bedside drawer and took out a small box. In it held a ring. My ring. My ring that should have been hers. I fingered it gently and softly whispered, “I’m so sorry. I can’t ask for forgiveness from what I did Natalie, but I promise, I’ll never love anybody but you. I swear to you.”

**********

I watched her enter her house and breathed a sigh of relief. I couldn’t handle it if anything happened to her, which was possible, in the state she was in. The state I put her in. Maybe I was wrong to do that. But I knew I wasn’t. I knew she had to face her problem, and deal with it. I knew she just had to let go of the guilt, the self-hatred, the loss and just let herself grieve then move on. I sighed and began to walk on. 

She lived in a hard little shell and fooled herself with excuses like ‘I’m too busy’ to just let herself sit down and let it all go. To let herself admit she’s in love. With me, that is. And to realize that I love her too, and am not about to sit back and watch her implode with all the pain she won’t let herself feel. I’ve watched that before, once, and I’ll slash my wrists before I watch it again without acting.