I Swear To You, part three

To everybody who left comments for the recent parts of my story (good or bad)
THANK YOU SO MUCH.
Seriously, it means so much to me. Once again, this part has no sex, but I promise the next part will. Enjoy.

“A beer thanks.” I took the icy bottle from the barman’s hand and cracked it open. I breathed a sigh of relief as the liquid flowed down my throat, chilling me to the bone. And on this 40 degree summers day, it’s welcomed. “Did ya hear?”

I turned to my companion. A dyke, sure, but just a friend. “Hear what?”
“There’s been another bashing. A gay bashing. A chick this time.”

“Yeah?” I say, pretty uninterested. Gay bashing are a fact of life here, and as long as it isn’t you, it doesn’t matter. “Yeah. She’s in a pretty bad state, I heard. Out in Britetown.” That caught my interest. I live there, after all.

“What’s her name?” I asked.

“Rebecca, or something. I dunno really. It was early Sunday arvo. Funny that, these almost never happen during the day.”
“What?” For some reason or other, I knew it was her. She had followed me home that day. Shit. I should have been upset, or angry, or… something. But I was just numb. “Where is she now?” my voice was monotone, and I couldn’t hear the words as I said them. “Hospital. Do you know her? I’ll take you there to check if you want.”

The drive was torture. Pure torture. I still couldn’t feel anything, she could be dead, because of me and I was just empty. I hated myself for it. Even more so. I felt a hand on my thigh, and looked to my left to see Toby looking at me while driving. “I know you,” she said. “I know what you’re feeling. But you can’t blame yourself! It may not even be her and once again, you’re slowly killing yourself! You can’t let things that aren’t in your control hurt you like this. I saw a kid jump off a building once. I ain’t gonna see that again.” I looked at her, and she met my eyes. I licked my lips slowly and place my hands over hers. I won’t give up.
I opened the door, petrified of the site that my be beyond. An image flashed across my mind.

*I drove down the street, aching to see Natalie. I should have asked her before, I told myself. My eyes caught a glimpse of something odd. Smoke billowing out of a house just down the street. I squinted in confusion. As I drew nearer, I realized it was my own home that was on fire. “Shit,” I whispered and accelerated. I came to a screaming halt outside the door. There were fire machines and ambulances around, but I took no notice of them. I rushed to the front door and kicked it down. And entered a world of fire.*

I whimpered uncontrollably, and found myself fingering the scar on my arm. It’s the residue of Third Degree Burns. No. I have to be strong. I pushed the door open the rest of the way. This is where they said she’d be. I stepped into the room and looked at her, over in her bed. I approached carefully, and winced when I saw her face. Deep purple bruises covered it and it was patterned with gashes. I bit my lip and took a seat next to her bed.

I watched her for a few minutes, and when I looked over at the clock I realized that I’d been there for an hour. She looked as beautiful as she did before it all happened. I stood up, and gently touched her cheek. She stirred slightly, and opened her eyes. I smiled at her and turned to leave. “Don’t go,” she whispered. Unable to face her, I took another step to the door. “Jess, please don’t go. I need you.” I cringed. She needs me. “And you need me. I know you do. Don’t go.” Her words replayed in my mind. ‘You need me,’ she had said. Do I need her? I looked at the door. I longed for the it, but… there was something holding me back.

I couldn’t leave, not just yet. I turned back. “You don’t need me. If it weren’t for me, you wouldn’t be here. You don’t deserve me.” I couldn’t let her love me. And I couldn’t love her. I had a promise to keep. She shook her head. “Listen. When I first spoke to you, I felt… drawn to you. I had to be near you, and when I wasn’t, I felt like I was going insane. When I learnt about what happened to Natalie, I just wanted to be with you more I couldn’t stand to see you suffer like you did. Do. I had to see you smile. I promised myself I was going to see you smile at me everyday until I die. And the moment you turn me down, I will. I need you. I love you.”

“I can’t let you love me. I won’t! You deserve better! I can’t let you lower yourself to me. I live in a hole, and I won’t pull you down with me. I can’t. I’ve already done that once, and I won’t do it again.”

“Why won’t you? Why do you care so much? Why should I matter to you? Admit it, God damn it! You love me, and I know you do! For once in your life let go of your stupid pride and open your eyes! She’s dead, and I’m alive. And moment you say yes, we’ll both really be alive. Let yourself feel for once, you’re not made of stone. Please.”

The last word didn’t seem to be spoken by her, but the person who seemed to be looking out through her eyes. I understand now, my love. “Yes.”