How the moon was formed

Once upon a time there lived a lovely young planet named Earth. She was an attractive young lass, and many a planet tried to court her in her first billion years of life. Earth enjoyed hiking in the mountains and volleyball.

One day, Earth was out for her early morning walk, in space, when she noticed a huge orange orb only a few billion kilometers away. She decided to go see what this monstrosity was. She flew her way there, this took her 40 years, but this is a mere blink of an eye for a planet. As she neared this enormous light, the light turned around, and to Earth’s shock, it was alive. “Hello” the giant orb bellowed, “My name is Sun, what’s yours?”

“Earth, pleased to meet you” Earth replied.
“How’s it hanging” said Sun.
“Very well, thank you for asking” Earth responded, with eager anticipation, growing by the second.

“My, oh my, you are an attractive young thing, aren’t ye. “said Sun.
“Thanks a million” Earth said, in an emotionally charged response.

The Earth/Sun relationship grew, until one summer afternoon, Sun finally asked Earth out on a date, after 140 million years of friendship. They decided to go to the local burger house, which was located on Jupiter. Oh, what a lovely time they had that night. In fact, they both had a little too much to drink. Sun consumed over 800 billion liters of Speight's, whilst Earth had a modest 4 billion bottles of Archers Apple, but for the Earth this was a lot of alcohol. Eventually, they stumbled their way back to Sun’s house. One thing led to another, and they eventually bedded together.

Now, the Earth is a big girl, but still, Sun’s dick was truly enormous to her. Earth was so shocked when she saw his sun-tool, that she stood open-mouthed for 3 years. It was the length of South America, as wide as Spain, and weighed over 70 trillion trillion tonnes. It was a struggle for poor Earth, to take so much meat whistle inside her. They tried anal sex too, but that hurt Earth’s moon-hole too much to bear and it was certainly too big for Earth’s mouth to fit around. However, they managed and over time, Earth got used to having a continental sized dingdong inside her.

70 million years later, Earth discovered some shocking news. Earth was pregnant. Inexplicably, Earth had conceived during a night of raw inter-planetary passion. Sun was very upset. “How could you” he bellowed. “I can’t afford to have a kid, do you know how much a kid costs to raise in today’s society?”

“I know, dear. I didn’t want this to happen either, you know. Its just one of life's injustices” Earth replied.
“You stupid bitch, how could you.” Sun was very upset. He was so upset, he pulled his dong out of his pants, yes pants, and slapped Earth across the face with it. Earth cried, long and hard. In fact, she cried so much that oceans formed across her crust.

500,000 years later, Earth and Suns love child was born. It was a boy. They named him Moon, after Earths back-door, which had welcomed so much love during their time together. Moon clung to his mother like a glue covered suitcase, and over the next billion years, to the present day in fact, he orbited his mother faithfully.

So, now when you look into the night sky, and see Moon orbiting, you can say aloud, ‘Yes, I know the story of how the moon came to be’. The End.

*** Epilogue : Earth and Sun broke up in the human year of 70,000,000AD. A lengthy legal battle ensued over the legal custody of Earth and Sun’s son. Earth won the legal war, and gained full custody of Moon, with limited visiting rights for Sun to see his son. Earth later married the star Delta506/X and they had several love-children. Sun killed himself shortly after the break-up. He was 4 trillion years old.