Discovering Ben

Ben and I attended the same university and were both 18. We cared about the fate of our 
country and the unfolding world events. But some of our buddies seemed only
to be concerned about the weekend's conquests or football scores. Ben and I were so close 
that we often knew what the other was thinking. 

There were times when I dared not to think it. But, I loved him--as a friend with my 
head, as a close buddy with my heart, but also in a different way. I discovered that I like men and was a man. In the summer we would sit in our shorts, Indian-style, playing cards or checkers. I'd try to secretly peek at his thighs as the pink head 
of his dick poked through the bottom of his cut-offs. It happened quite a bit, so I always wondered if he did that on purpose. Maybe it was his strategy for winning the game. He probably figured that my concentration would be elsewhere! I kept that sight of him stored in my mind for inspiration as I emptied my balls in bed at night while I tried to imagine what he naked body looked like. As open-minded as he was, it still seemed a risk too big for me to take by telling him how I felt. Life without his touch was hard enough, but life without him around was unthinkable. 

I'd try to suppress my feelings for him. But it was difficult because the mere sight of him would always make me hard. Everything that we did together only fueled my desires. When I tossed the Frisbee. I'd marvel at his muscles in motion. When we were through body surfing, we'd drag ourselves back on the beach to bask in the warmth of the sun. I'd have to lie on my stomach, for obvious reasons while he'd lie on his back with his eyes closed. I used that time to let my eyes drink him in. I stared intently at the tiny goose bumps on his deeply tanned chest. I got caught up in the motion of the heaving of his chest as he breathed. The motion stretched his 
large round nipples. I could see the blood pulsing through the veins in his 
neck; his baby fine hair wafting gently in the breeze; the pores in his skin and 
the fullness of his lips. His face looked so serene and inviting. I yearned to 
lay on top of him, to melt over him like butter in the sun. 

It wasn't until our camping trip, that I finally got the chance to see all of him as I yearned to. We were on a day hike when we saw the sign. Made of thick iron, the 
letters had been cut out by torch. "NO NUDITY ALLOWED," it warned. We were two rebels against any kind of rule. We just looked at each other and grinned. 

God, it was beautiful at the bottom of the canyon. There was a small narrow stream nearby. It flowed into a long, wide pool, with reeds and shrubs on one side and high sandstone cliffs on the other. We decided to cross the pool to the rocks against the cliffs. We had no idea how deep the water was and did not want to get our clothes and belongings wet, so we stripped naked and wrapped everything up in our towels. We waded out until it became so deep that we had to hold everything above our heads and bounce off the bottom. We looked like waiters carrying trays of food. Finally we climbed out of the cool water and laid down on the warm rocks. Since we were nude, we rolled on our sides and talked. 

After a while we got out our ever-present magnetic game board to play some 
chinese checkers. I longed to play with his dick, but at least I was able to let 
my eyes wander down to it. It was previously shriveled by the coolness of the water, 
but it had now begun to grow heavy. If he knew I was staring he didn't let on, and 
after a while he drew one leg up, placing his foot on his knee. His balls 
shifted in their loose sack. Gravity pulled them down. They rolled forward. God, this 
had to be an invitation of some kind, but it was so subtle I couldn't be sure. 

Too quickly the afternoon slipped by and the time had come to head back to camp. 
We dressed. Both of us had developed dark tans over the summer, but being naked in the sun was a new experience so we got sun burned. Our shorts chafed against our tender skin all the way back, but it was a small price to be paying for all the beautiful sites we had seen that afternoon. 

We'd found an out-of-the-way place to pitch our tent, so it came as no surprise when 
Ben said his sunburn hurt too much to wear anything. He suggested that we get naked. I agreed and we again shucked our clothes. As darkness set in, we lit a small fire, ate dinner, and rolled out our sleeping bags. The night air felt warm and refreshing, and made me feel acutely aware of our nakedness. Since we were not yet ready to sleep, we stretched out on top of our bags for a little conversation and a few hands of cards. It was much like the afternoon, except now the flickering fire highlighted his light pink groin while the rest of his tanned body blended into the darkness. 

I dealt the cards and we played a few hands of poker. When it was Ben's turn to bid, he started to bite on his lip in a way that I understood all to well. He was going 
to take a while. He studied is cards. I studied his dick. The dancing firelight 
seemed to set it in motion. It was hypnotic. 

"You going to bid or what?" 

"Huh?" 

"We're playing poler. Remember?" 

"You were taking so long my mind started to wander." 

"Yeah, I noticed!!!" 

I had expected those words, but they weren't said with disgust. There was, in 
fact, the hint of a smile on his lips and a look of mischievousness in his eyes. 
I was more relieved than hopeful, but still, maybe I'd misread him all these 
years. We finished the game. 

"What do you want to do now?" he asked. I always hated that question. Only one 
thing ever came immediately to mind. 

"It doesn't really matter," I answered. I could dream about it, wish for it, but I couldn't bring myself to initiate it. "I'm kinda beat from the all the walking we did today," 

"Me too. I could really use one of your backrubs. That's if you've got the energy for 
it." 

"Yeah, I can handle that." I always could. "Backrub" always translated to "body massage". It was the one intimacy that was allowed between us; a line we both walked up to without hesitation, but never crossed. 

"I've got some lotion with my stuff. Could you rub some in? I think I overdid it 
in the sun today." 

"Sure, get comfortable. I'll be right back." As I returned to Ben, I couldn't help but think that tonight was going to be a night for the truth. We were both naked, he had caught me stealing peeks at his dick and was still willing to let me give him a massage. This was either a demonstration of his trust, or of his desire. 

I stood over him. I'd seen this sight so many times in my dreams. I knelt down and touched him. It was no dream. I squeezed some lotion into my hands and warmed it. Starting at the calluses on the bottom of his feet, I began working my way up his legs. His body relaxed under my roaming hands. As I felt the firmness of his muscles, I wondered at how they could be such a vision of strength to the eyes and yet be so yielding to the hands. I kneaded his thighs, but stopped at the fold marking the start of his butt.