Dear Diary 04

Having finished writing, I was eager to refresh my still wonderful memories of the first encounter I had ever had with a woman. She was the one who showed me how beautiful it can be to touch a body much like my own, yet completely different. She was the one I still thought of frequently, wondering whatever happened to her. 

I flipped back almost to the beginning of my diary. MBOJFKAX – May 1986 was what I was looking for.

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PERMINDA – May 1986

Bumming around and living out of a suitcase, or a backpack as the case may be is a very tiresome business. At the very least it’s dangerous and full of uncertainty. I have been on the road for less than six months and have indulged in so many vices and luxuries that I have ran out of money already. Too proud to ask my parents for some money, certain that if I did they would only have sent me a one-way plane ticket, destination US, I have started looking for some sort of a job. 

As luck would have it, I walked into the “Red Lion” Pub in Wormley, a small town in Hertfordshire, and seeing the “HELP NEEDED” sign, I inquired after the employment and was hired on the spot. After a day of crash course in pulling pints and mixing drinks, I ended up behind the bar and had remained here for almost three months now. 

I had proven myself to be reliable and pretty good with customers and have landed the big money making shifts, mainly Friday and Saturday nights, when pubs are absolutely chock-a-block with people eating and drinking. 

I have even managed to make a few acquaintances and on some nights after the pub closes, I go out to a club, dancing my head off and drinking myself into a stupor. The years of serious study are waiting patiently for me and I had decided that I would spend the next few months partying as much as I could, meeting different people and enjoying myself to the max.

I have been very careful not to mess around with anyone, as this is the last thing on my mind right now. Bad experience with Duke and another one with a guy called Tony had made me believe that maybe I should wait. Plenty of time for sex, yet. 

But, never say never, as the saying goes, I proved myself totally wrong the minute I decided not to keep my hopes up in the sex department. 

Two evenings ago, just as the manager was ringing the last call, a group of girls that I had befriended walked in, shouting hellos and waving wildly. “Hey, Nik!” yelled Maureen, a tall redhead with a horsy face who was always the light of the party. “We came to take you with us, Nik! We’re going to Lancaster’s.” 

I didn’t feel much like clubbing on that particular night. I was very tired and had hoped for some peaceful rest for a change. Just as I was about to say no, I saw another girl in their midst, one I have never seen and who had caught my eye immediately. 

She was a short and slim East indian girl with thick black hair, hanging in a ponytail down to her mid back. Despite the general happiness and silliness with which the rest of the girls were carrying on, she was somewhat somber and quiet. She was so small that she might have easily been missed in the crowd. Until, that is, one looked into her face. Big, dark brown eyes and thick black eyebrows, giving her the look of seriousness and beauty. She wasn’t laughing out loud, but the smile never left her pretty face. 

“All right, I just have to finish here.” I changed my mind, not quite knowing why. With hardly any experience in heart matters, I felt an instant attraction to the girl. 

“It’s the last call, girls.” I tried to over shout the patrons of the pub. “You’d better decide quickly.”

“Five lager shandies, Nik!” yelled Amy, equally struggling to be heard. 

“No,” said the beautiful girl, who by now had sat on the bar stool directly in front of me. “I’ll take one with no shandy, thank you.” 

I pulled the pints and placed the requested one in front of the girl who held my interest. “Are you with that lot?” I asked smiling.

She rolled her eyes. “Yeah.” We both giggled and I felt a warm feeling inside my body. A shiver went up my spine, and my heart seemed to have sped up a little. I tried hard to make myself believe that it was just her beauty that I admired, just the aesthetic look, nothing more. 

“I’m Paddy, by the way.” She extended her hand, shaking mine with a firm, warm grip. 

“I’m Nikkie.” I said. “Wait! Paddy?” she nodded. “I thought that was a guy’s name.” I asked confused. 

“Well, it’s Perminda, really. But nobody here seems to have enough wits to remember it properly, so they call me Paddy.” She explained in a thick cockney accent. 

Perminda – a name just as beautiful as the girl whom it belonged. It rolled softly on my tongue and I made a mental note not to forget it. 

“Well, I’ll remember it.” I said and noticed her watching me carefully, as if looking for a sign of mockery. 

Half an hour later, the bar cleaned up and the doors safely locked, I found the five girls waiting for me in the parking lot at the front. “We’re taking a taxi, Nikkie.” Said Maureen. I was fine with that; I didn’t want to worry about who was too drunk to drive and whether I’ll make it back alive and in one piece. By the look of it, they have all had enough to drink already.

When we arrived at the Lancaster’s I was grateful for the opportunity to relax and have a drink myself. The girls were chatting constantly, discussing their private lives of which I didn’t know much about, as we were not true friends, we just hung out together sometimes. Like me, I noticed Perminda did not engage in conversation much. She sort of swayed in her seat in synchronicity with the rhythm, but refused to go out into the dance floor, just like me. 

From time to time I would catch her looking at me intently and each time she would give me a smile and look away, sipping on her drink. Pretty soon, everybody seemed to be seriously drunk, including me. 

The fatigue that I felt when still working had crept back and all of a sudden I felt too tired to be bothered with loud music and friendliness. I decided I would head for my little room above the pub where I worked and get the rest my body needed. 

As I got up, finishing my drink, Amy grabbed me by the arm. “Finally decided to dance, have you?”

“No, no.” I smiled and looked at Perminda. “I’m going home, I’m tired.”

“Aw…” Amy and Penny whined in a chorus. “It’s early.”

I was adamant. Tired enough to have difficulty in keeping my eyes open, nothing could have persuaded me otherwise. 

“Hold on.” said Perminda. “I just have to go to the loo and then we can share a taxi.” 

Before I could say anything she jumped up and walked away. Amy giggled and nudged me under the ribs, whispering in my ears. “You know she’s a lezzie, right?”

I rolled my eyes and shook my head. “Oh, Amy, really!”

“She is!” continued Amy. “And Maureen has been trying to get into her pants for ages. Just for fun.” She giggled again. “No luck, though.” With that, she walked away. My heart skipped a beat. Was that really what I wanted? And if so, how would I approach her? I had absolutely no experience, especially with girls.