A Vocation Lost

This story took place in another era - in the 1950’s before television brought sex and violence into every home affecting the minds and morals of the innocent. Kim, a major character, was in her twenties and still a virgin. Tim, a devout Catholic also in his 20’s had pledged his life to his church and was in a seminary studying for the priesthood. It was a time when society was controlled by respected and revered establishments, the police, the church, the schools and the government. To most people it was inconceivable that any of these organization could be corrupt. A bad apple now and then but the organizations themselves were universally held in high esteem. Sex was a taboo subject. There was no sex education classes and children grew to adulthood without exposure to much of what today’s adolescence take for granted. oral sex, for instance, was almost unheard of. `Girls, at least “nice girls” never used vulgar profanity . You might think these characters are anomalies whereas in truth they were fairly typical of young people in that period according to my research. This was the setting in which the following took place.

Jean and I had become fast friends and I spent a lot of time at her house on weekends and after work. I knew she had a brother, Tim, who was away at a seminary but I had never met him. In May he came home for the summer vacation and Jean introduced me to him as “my most holy brother”. He blushed, smiled and pleasantly greeted me. He was nothing like I expected and I was immediately smitten with him. He had an angelic face and soft black curly and expressive eyes that glowed when he smiled. ”My God, “ I thought ” this gorgeous human being is going to disappear into the religious life? What a waste”
Not long after I met him I was visiting Jean in her bedroom and I casually asked her where her brother was . She answered, “ I’m not sure. I think he’s in the living room. Why? Are you interested?”
“Wouldn’t you be if your weren’t his sister?”
“Go for it if you want, but don’t expect too much. He’s devoted to his vocation”
I went downstairs to the living room and I saw him sitting in a stuffed chair reading. He was already dressed for bed, wearing a pair of summer pajamas. I went over and said, “Hi, What are you reading?”
“ Hi,“ he said. “What a pleasure to see you again. Poems by Sara Teasdale “
I sat down on the arm of the chair. “ Read me one. “ I said
“Here’s one of my favorites.” and he read it to me. I still remember part of it
"And for just one breath of ecstasy
Give all you have been or could be."
I played with his silky curly hair as he read, sitting on the arm of the chair, leaning against him. When he finished reading the poem he looked up at me and smiled. “Doesn’t sound like a poem a seminarian should be reading,“ I said "Sounds kind of suggestive." Where do you find your esctasy?“
“In beauty, I guess. The beauty of nature, of poetry, of music like Tchaikovsky’s Violin Concerto. The pathos expressed in that piece that almost makes me weep”
“But not beautiful women? “I asked.
"I appreciate beautiful women, especially if they are as beautiful as you but that doesn’t mean...”
His eyes were big and sparkling, his smile magnetic. I reached down and took his face in my hands and kissed him. He tensed, looked startled but I kissed him again. He sighed, began to breath more rapidly."Look, he said. "I don't know if Jean told you but I'm studying to be a priest. I.. I can't to things like this." I smiled at him, "Yes, but you're not a priest yet. So.." and I bent down and kissed him again.I glanced down and saw a great swelling in his pajama bottoms. He followed my eyes and his face turned scarlet. Then he tried to hide his swelling under the book.
“Don’t be embarrassed,” I whispered in his ear. “That the way it's supposed to be. It happens to all men, even potential priests”
“ Not me, Kim , “ he said.” That’s not part of my life. I’m sorry." He got out of the chair. "I really couldn’t help it. I hope it didn’t embarrass you, I’m really not like that."
“Not like what? You mean human? And why should I be embarrassed? You think I haven’t seen those bulges before? “ He seemed really flustered. "I have to go, Good night” Then he got up and walked out, still trying to hide his projection from my sight.
“ I guess I blew that one, “ I thought

Jean and her boyfriend, David, would often ask Tim and me to go with them on double dates. We would sit in the back seat of the car and talk .But he never tried to hold my hand or sit close to me. . I found Tim not only beautiful to look at but kind, compassionate and very interesting to talk to. The more I saw of him the more interested in him I became until eventually it became an obsession to make him notice me as a woman. While we were being driven here and there, sometimes I would casually let my hand fall on his thigh as I was talking and I would then rub it back and forth. Tim would invariably take my hand in his, kiss it and place it back on my lap. Sometimes we would go into a bar, sit at table and have a beer. One time, in a cozy bar, he reached across the table and took my hands in his. “ You know Kim,” he said,” I think you are about the most beautiful person I have ever seen and you are a major temptation - a real threat to my vocation. But I’m fighting that threat and I intend to win. All my life I have wanted to be a priest and I see you as the only obstacle. I find you not only beautiful but intelligent and patient-putting up with my discourses on poetry, music, religion and especially baseball, which I know you have no interest in and I thank you for listening to my ramblings.”
I was both delighted and dismayed at what he had said. He thought well of me but he also saw me as an impediment for him reaching his goal. I was totally frustrated at his failure to show any inclination to react physically to me even though I realized he was suppressing his natural instincts .He had said he was going to win and I decided if he won it would have to be after a fight. That night I made up my mind. It was me against the Catholic church for the body - and maybe the soul of Tim Dolan.
So far I had been totally unsuccessful in making him become even a little bit physical with me. He wouldn’t even hold hands let alone kiss me goodnight. My obsession was growing ever stronger so I devised a strategy to try to make him react to me-not as a conversation companion but as a woman. I knew he found me attractive. I knew he could be aroused by my presence . Just sitting next to me in the car had made his pants swell more than once. So I set out to try to make him more aggressive.
Sometimes I would go to visit Jean wearing at-shirt and take off my bra when I got there. I would find Tim , chat with him and watch him as he took in my breasts with my erect nipples pushing out the tight T-shirt. He would look for a minute but when I caught him looking he would avert his eyes. . He would then get very uncomfortable and try to hide the swelling he couldn’t control. But he would never reach out and touch them. I thought of just taking his hand and placing it on my chest but I rejected that idea as probably counterproductive. He might be repelled and choose not to be with me anymore. Sometimes I would wear a mini skirt with no panties and if I inadvertently, accidentally exposed my crotch while I was sitting across from him, he would stare for a minute and then avert his eyes. Once, however, I caught him trying to look up my skirt when I was going upstairs. I smiled at him knowingly and he blushed. But he still wouldn’t get physical. Nothing I tried seemed to be successful in breaking down his resistance. Why didn’t he reach out and put his hand up my skirt or grab my boobs as I knew he would like too. What self control the man had.

One day I called and invited him to go on a picnic. He wanted to know if Jean and David were going. He seemed to be on to my intentions and wanted a chaperone. Afraid that he would turn me down if we were going alone I said yes, that they were going too. Then I called Jean at work to fill her in and told her at the last minute to decline the invitation. She agreed
I planned it well. A sheer white blouse without a bra and a short skirt with no panties. I picked Tim up and explained that Jean and David couldn’t make it. He looked surprised, hesitant. and I said, ”Don’t be afraid. I won’t hurt you.”
He laughed and relaxed. Then he said, “That blouse you’re wearing isn’t hiding very much.“
“Well, I know you know what’s under it so why try to hide it?”

We had an interesting conversation on the way, he telling me about the sensuous nature of baseball- the green grass against the blue sky, the sound of the crack of the bat hitting the ball, the smell of the concession foods, the shouts of the fans. I don’t know anything about baseball but he made me wish I did,
When we got to the picnic area, a deserted plot of wooded area with a brook nearby, I put down a blanket and the picnic basket on top of it .Tim looked around, breathed the fresh air. “ What a great spot, “ he said . "I thought we were going to the public park. This is pretty isolated.”
“Don‘t worry,” I mocked, “I won‘t leave you alone.”.
He was looking up at the sky and I walked over to him, put my arms around him and gave him a passionate kiss. He gasped tried to push me away. “Kim, he said, “ I .. we can’t do this. I’m ,,,”
He didn’t get a chance to finish. I pulled him toward me and kissed him again. I moved close to him and could feel his erection pushing against me. We kissed over and over. Then I took a step back and began to unbutton my blouse, slowly, one button at a time. Tim stared, looked stunned as though he didn’t know what to do or say.” Kim, you shouldn’t do that. It’s ... it’s not right. "Can't what Tim, Have a little fun like people have been doing since the beginnibng of time?" Finished with the buttons I said, “Like my boobs?”
He looked at them a long time, “They’re gorgeous, just beautiful."He reached out as though to touch them but then withdrew his hand." Guess I should tell you a dirty little secret, “ he said. “Ever since I first saw you and that beautiful figure, I have been dying to take them in my hands and just feel them.”
I smiled. “Well why don’t you. Nobody’s stopping you.”
“My conscience is. It’s... it’s a mortal sin.
“Oh bull shit,” I said and grabbed his hands and pushed then into my tits.
A look of total joy shown on his beautiful face. He gently squeezed each one, fingered the nipples, and dipped his head down to lick and suck them.” Geez., he said “ They’re so round and firm." “
“And fully packed. Just like Lucky Strikes,” I mocked.
Then with his hands on my tits he stood up and kissed me as he never had before, deep and passionately. While he was occupied I unbuttoned my skirt and let it fall. He was so intent on my upper body he didn’t realize I stood there totally naked. I took one of his hands from my breast and moved it slowly down to my stomach, my abdomen and when it reached my pubic hair he looked startled and took a step back.
“Here comes another mortal sin, “ I said and rubbed his hand against my clitoris, and on down to my vulva and vagina. “Stick your finger up that hole and see what you find." I said, and he did."Geez,It's all wet, he said."What did you do,pee?" " God," I said, You don't know anything about women, do you? I'll explain it all to you later. And no, I didn't pee." Now he started messaging me again and he caressed that whole area tenderly over and over again. Suddenly I just gasped, moaned, let out a cry threw my head back.
“What happened? “Tim said. "Are you all right?”
I was still breathing heavily. “Yeah, Tim I’m all right. I just had an orgasm.”
“ A what?”
“ You don’t know? My God, you are an innocent. It’s like .. . Oh, forget it. We’ll talk about it later.”
Tim put out his arms, drew me to him and began to kiss me over and over. My hands went down and found the buttons to his shorts. I undid them and pushed his pants and underpants down. Then I took his penis and lightly let my fingers dance around the top of it and rub the skin ever so tenderly. He groaned, “Oh that feels so good. Don’t stop. Don’t ever stop” But in a few seconds I did let up. I was afraid he would come and I wanted him to come in me, not my hand. I stepped back and took my hand away. It was the first time I got a look at his cock. I was amazed. It was so long and thick and hard “You sure are well endowed, “I said. “ It’s a shame you’ve never put it to good use” His face turned red."Maybe I've been saving it for you"
I put both my arms around his neck We stood pushing our bodies against each other but then he took one of my hands and pushed it down to his dick. “It feels so good when you play with it,” he said. His dick was snug against my abdomen so I reached around to the side away from my body and gripped it there. I began to move it back and forth against the skin of my abdomen. It felt good, exciting and by his breathing and moaning I knew he enjoyed it too. I meant to stop but it just felt so good - rubbing rubbing back and forth. Then suddenly a gasp, a groan and warm liquid was shooting up , landing on my chest my stomach .” Geez,” Tim said. “I’m sorry. I got you all messed up. “
“Not your fault Tim. happens all the time. Get some napkins."”
Tim went to the picnic basket and came back with napkins. He wiped me and himself until we were clean. “Smells horrible, “ he said.
“ Those are your babies you just shot away. Bye Jimmy, bye Sally, Bye..."
“ Cut it out,” he laughed.” What we"re doing is bad enough without you making it worse”
“Well, you must feel relief , after all those years of buildup with that seaman sloshing around trying to find a way out-year after dreary year.”
Tim grinned “ I do have a wet dream now and then, “ he said
“ Well that manufacturing plant you carry around between your legs better get to work. I’m not through with you yet.”