Rachel's Tutor

She recognized me too, judging by her look of disgust. "I’m outta here," and she turned to go, "I don’t need this."

"Actually, you do, Ms. Grace," Steinreld spoke up. "Your grades aren’t good enough to continue my class, at the level I expect of my juniors, and at this rate you WILL fail." For a short ass, he commanded attention. "Ms. Socreet here said she help you get by, and I will force this if I have to."

"You can’t make me take some tutor," she sneered, looking me over. "Especially not some stuck up sophomore."

Okay, I was with her up to that point, but the stuck up part was cold!

"A sophomore who’s pulling higher grades then you are," I retorted sweetly. I nearly jumped back; she looked ready to beat me down. 

"Girls!" Mr. Steinreld got our attention back. We went silent, but still glaring at each other. "Girls," he tried again, softer, "Ms. Grace, you will be tutored by Ms. Socreet or you will fail. Period. You’re parents will be notified, as will the principal, and you WILL be held back. This is not some simple elective you can drop, the state requires you to finish the standard you are at, and this class is it."

She seemed to back down, and looked at the floor, barely nodding her agreement.

"Christina, you will come in after school to help Amanda. I’ll give you my room to work, or you can go to the library if you want." 

"Library," Amanda quickly said, looking like she wouldn’t spend any more time then she had too in here.

"Fine." Steinreld had had enough, and even with two developing girls alone in his room, he was tired of us both. "Meet in the library after school. Christina will be given what she needs to help you, and you will be judged over your next few tests. Any slack and you are gone, do you understand me? Now get." With that he opened his door and we both left. He shut the door behind us, and we were suddenly alone in the long hallways. Amanda looked a bit worried, those threats of failure really got to her, and I suddenly felt guilty for giving her a hard time.

"Listen, I’m sor-"

"Stuff it. I don’t care what you have to say. You just get me to understand the dead asshole we’re learning about, we’re spend our two ‘happy’ hours together in the same room, and then we will leave. Got that?" With that, she swung her bag around and stormed off. Sighing, not a little undisgusted, I went home.

The next day was long, the knowledge that I’d be spending two hours with this girl made the time drag. I made my way to the library after the final bell, carrying the notes Mr. Steinreld wanted me to help Amanda with, took a seat and waited. 

Fifteen minutes went by. I wondered if the girl had just blown the whole thing off, not caring if she failed. I was ready to leave when she finally came in. As she walked to me, I took the time to see her, for real this time. What I had taken to be white makeup was actually her skin; it was so pale, she must never have had seen the sun! Her hair was done in a tight braid, pulled back on her scalp and covered with a black bandana. Her eyes were this real dark shade of blue, but I found them piercing. She wore a black dress top, with ruffled sleeves and collar, and black and blood red striped tights. Tall, pointed toe, lace up boots covered her feet, and she wore one black glove with the fingers cut off on her left hand.

"So I’m here," she said, dropping her bookbag on the table. "Teach."

Taking a breath, now finding it strangely difficult to work in there, I started in on the papers I had been given. Barely ten minutes went by when Amanda just stood up. "Look," she started, her voice softer then I’d heard it directed at me all day, "I know Steinreld is just making you do this, and I’m grateful on some level, but who are we kidding? You don’t want to be here anymore then I do. Let’s call it quits and just leave."

"Okay," I said, "but we’ll be back tomorrow."

She was on her way to the door when she paused and looked back at me. "What? What part of ‘let’s call it quits’ did you not get? What, you want to be here?"

"No," I snorted, "No way. But…" oh how was I going to explain this, "I think we should keep working. You’re getting it, you just don’t understand it."

The room was silent. I didn’t know what I was doing, why was I sticking up for this little snot who only yesterday said I was stuck up? Amanda seemed to be digesting what I had said, and looked up. "You think so?"

I then realized she had no friends. Nobody stuck up for her in school; hell, even I over looked her. I barely remembered her in the parking lot, and she lived fairly close to me. I suddenly felt sorry. "Yeah, I do."

She sighed, thinking. "Well, if you think it will help -and you know it won’t- I’ll see you tomorrow." Without another glance, she left. And I felt a spark of something in my chest that I hadn’t felt before.

Things continued like that for two weeks. We had our spats, but Amanda very slowly opened up to me. I got to know her between trying to shove Shakespeare and his babbling down her throat. Turns out her dad was this lawyer who worked on cross-country cases, and her mom had died of breast cancer last year. I was sorry, but glad I was learning all this. In the middle of the second week, we moved our studying from the large, silent library to my room. 

We became friends. Neither of us expected this, certainly not me, but we both realized it when she started calling me to just talk; not about homework or Steinreld, but just as girls. I loved it too; I had never had this connection with another girl before. I was a loner in my own way, but now had Amanda to tell it all too. Granted she never spent the night, but she came over almost every day. She got to know my parents, and expressed sympathy to me for having to live with them.

My parents, strangely, didn’t object to all my time with Amanda. They knew I had broken up with Dustin, and hadn’t replaced him yet, but didn’t push me into finding someone else. They also didn’t press on me about spending so much time with her; I had feared that after Amanda’s forth visit, my parents would worry I’d become another Aunt Sheila, and forbid me from seeing her. No, they were somewhat cool about it (and I think my dad kinda liked the way she looked…perv). 

Christmas break came, and I thought that would be the end of my time alone with Amanda. Fuck no, she came over almost every other day. We talked, went to the movies, even had dinner after one. She openly laughed with me. She was friendly. She was beautiful.

Whoa. That’s a thought I hadn’t had in some time. I knew I was still attracted to my own sex, I never forgot it. But the thought had never come together with Amanda in mind. And now, I wasn’t sure I could do that do our friendship; I almost wanted a friend more then a girlfriend. 

I broke off our connection for a few days, trying to figure out my feelings. My heart started to pound hard at the mention of Amanda, and my stomach fluttered whenever I thought of her face, her body.

I was in love, and couldn’t figure that out.

Back with Rachel it had been so much easier! I didn’t have to work at it, I wasn’t the one who made the move, and after our first night we knew we fit together. With Amanda, I couldn’t fit anything together right. Pieces went missing in my mind, and these horrible nightmarish thoughts of what would happen if I confessed and she turned me away kept me awake. I was near crying by Christmas.

The eve of the holy night came, and I put on a show for mom and dad. I opened my gifts and feigned joy over books, clothes and such (though I was surprised with a full computer they had gotten me) and made it through the morning without incident. As soon as the gift giving was done, my dad went to drink another pot of coffee, and my mom went to fuss over some new dinner party she was hosting that night. I was left alone, alone to jump out of my nightgown when the phone rang. 

Cursing myself, I picked up the line.

"Chris?" I knew immediately Amanda thought something was wrong. I cursed myself again for doing this to her, but I couldn’t figure out what to do. "Um…you never called me back…did something happen?" I knew she was worried; she thought she was going to lose her only real friend. 

"Um, n-no, nothing happened," I started to lie through my teeth, "Just…you know, out buying presents and all that."

"But we did that together last week; I helped you find that Martha Stewart pot set your mom wanted, remember?"

Shit, I did remember. This was not going good. "Yeah well…this wasn’t a present I could buy with you around, you know?" Crap! I was going too far! She wasn’t supposed to know about that!

"Really?" She sounded surprised. "Um…wow. Hey, yeah, I got you something too. You want me to come over and we can swap?"

NO! No, no, no, no, NO! This was going too fast! How the fucking hell did I get this far!? Fuck!

"Um, no, sorry." I could almost her disappointment over the phone. "We’re going to a friend of my dad’s for dinner, and they live a ways away." As soon as I fed that lie over the phone, I knew I was in trouble.

"Chris…do you not want to see me?"

Long pause. I knew I did want to see her, but didn’t trust myself. "Of course I do, you’re my best friend."

"Then why are you doing this?"

"I…I…," was so confused. "Look, there’s just a lot of shit happening right now. I do want to see you; but right now isn’t a good time.

"Is it your parents?" THANK YOU! Amanda had just offered the lure to the starving fish, and I hooked on like a leech. 

"Yeah." I forced disgust and loathing into my voice. "They’re just being themselves and…I’m just not taking it well." I was saved…sorta. I couldn’t use dictatorious parents forever. "But we do need to get together, you know I want to."

"Yeah, we do," she retorted, starting to sound more like her knife-sharp self. "Tell you what; you need to spend the night. My dad just finished a big case in Florida, and he’ll be home on New Year’s…why don’t you come over then? We can watch the fireworks the county sets off at midnight, call in a pizza, prank call Steinreld…what do you think?" Honestly, I couldn’t wait. 

"Yeah, that’s cool. I’ll convince my parents to let me go, I'll make something up. See ya, then?"

"Yeah, sure." I almost hung up the phone when I heard her again. "But I’m calling you tomorrow."

I had a five-day reprieve until I saw her again. I was shaking in my slippers after I hung up the phone, excited at the prospect of going to her house, having her alone in her room. I’d never been to her house before, she avoided it like a plague it seemed. Strange that she offered to have the sleepover there, we could see the fireworks fine from my place. But I didn’t care. 

Now I had to control myself. With a set plan of action, I tried to figure out what to do with myself. I couldn’t just jump the girl as soon as we were in the same room (Lord, help us if her dad saw that), and I still didn’t know how she felt towards the whole gay thing.